Fucking Wankers

Yes, I'm talking to you - so, put down your Kleenex tissues and listen. There are no fucking pictures on this site, at all, ever. Go and take your freaky masturbation intentions somewhere else.

Are we listening? NOT ONE FUCKING PICTURE.

So piss off with your stupid fucking searches on Google, MSN and fucking AOL.

Por ejemplo:-

gothic blow job - not here, not tonight Google-fucker

goth tits - don't think so as I am not a fat bastard

spanish girls fucking - they may do, but not here and not that you can watch

goth blowjobs - hmmmm, detecting a theme here

thetop 10 bigest boobs - learn to spell you fucking tit

harry potter is dead - oops, I made it up - I just wished he was dead but, he's a fictional character so who gives a...

grand mother pissing and fooking - don't even know where to start with you, freak. Slice of death perhaps???

Sorry regular visitors with normal intentions, I was feeling a little bit wired and a little bit...

*twats another pervert*

Will you just fuck off

I will be back to normalish tomorrow..... maybe

Goth Could Wish

Goth could wish - that things could be different. The events that unfolded, would happen in a different way but, it doesn't occur that way.

Goth could wish, that you had met people before they met their pain, and thus been able to save them from their anguish

Goth could wish, that you all had super powers and could fix everything, no matter the problem, it all seemed feasible.

Goth could wish, that life wasn't so hard and genuine people thrived

Goth could wish, that dreams came true

One could wish.....?

Tell Me It's Not True

As I can't be arsed to write a proper post (it would develop into another rant), here are some bizarre facts.... all true appraently:-

- In Quebec, there is an old law that states margarine must be a different color than butter.

- Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

- The town of Calma, Chile in the Atacama Desert has never had rain. (fuckers should come to Bruxelles then)

- Greece's national anthem has 158 verses.

- Netherlands is the only country with a national dog.

- Donald Duck Comics were once banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

- The country code for Russia is "007".

- Nepal is the only country that has a non-rectangular flag. It is also asymmetrical.

- In Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off." (probably tastier)

- Australian soldiers used the song "We're Off to See the Wizard" as a marching song in WWII.

And, before you expend energy trying to prove any of them to be wrong - don't bother as I don't care. If however, you have some you would like added to the list, that's different.

Weapons of Mass Destruction

Now here's a fucking concept for you. America marches into Iraq determined to prove the existence of weapons of mass destruction and thus justifying it's bullying tactics against smaller countries.

Guess what? They didn't find any. Quelle surprise.

So now, they have to justify their prescence there again, and no it's got fuck all to do with all the oil there - I mean, that would be just callous and mercenary.

Fast forward to today, and another amazing headline 190,000 weapons including AK47's have gone missing in Iraq. Now losing your car keys is one thing but, 190,000 weapons? Who's in charge? General Stevie Wonder?

But the best part is, how did the weapons get there in the first place? Because the Americans gave them to the Iraqies.

Now I don't know about you, but I'm sensing a pattern here.

*TV interview with George Bush*

"We must wage the war against terrorism by finding the weapons of mass destruction"

"But how can you be sure that these weapons are there President Bush?"

"Because we know for a fact that they are there"

"You sound awfully positive President Bush and that's most unlike you"

*Bush starts shifting nervously*

"I mean to be so sure of it must have been a massive intelligence coup?"

"Erm, not really, no"

"Then how can you be so positive and commit troops to a country?"

"Because we've still got the fucking receipt, alright"

Super Size This

I hate fast food and all the places that sell it. I detest the tasteless garbage that these cheap excuses for purveyors of food, drop into paper bags and encourage you to eat and even try to bribe kids by giving away free toys.

Ronald McDonald is the antichrist - pompous bastard. I don't want to eat your Big Twat with it's tasteless concoction of bread made from paper, with burgers that wouldn't know meat if it went 'Moo'. And then, some spotty little shit has 'gobbed' on (or even worse).

Bugger King - you're no better you hypocritical shit mongers, except maybe at least you didn't fund terrorists.

You want to find the terrorists G Wanker Bush? Well most of them originated thanks to corporate bitches in your fucking country - and then you wonder why you have so many fat, stupid fuckers there.

Quick - tasteless Belgian shite for the morons who'd got bored of chips covered in bloody mayonnaise.

Now, I dare say some of you will object to this - well, tough shit - my blog and I'll say what I bloody well like and, in this case, it is not the corporate orientated excuse for food that you sell. I probably would be correct in assuming you're the same tossers that order 2000 calories of crap and then, "Oh, I'll have a diet coke too". #Newsflash - probably won't help lard-arse#

Reading this and don't like it?

*lifts middle finger in the air* - SUPER SIZE THIS

Jacob's Ladder

In Genesis, god was really busy inventing triangles where all the sides were equal and all the angles added up to 180 when..

"God?"

"Oh for fuck's sake - now it's gone all squidgy" said god looking at his now isoceles triangle "What do you want now Jacob?"

"Sorry - I didn't mean to spoil anything but when you said to paint the room, well the thing is, I can't do that bit in the top corner so could I have longer arms or something. I tried throwing the paintbrush at it but, watch.."

*throws paintbrush in the air*

SPLAT

"Ow, that was my good eye ... it doesn't bloody work"

God sighed in an ominpotent sort of way and with a loud whooshy sound, a set of stepladders appeared before Jacob

"Fucking cool" said Jacob, in an understated biblical fashion "Is it a stairway to heaven?"

"It might be but, first it will enable you to reach the very corners of the room" boomed god

"So it doesn't actually lead anywhere then?" asked Jacob taking his first tentative steps on the ladder and promptly falling off "They're a bit fucking wobbly, god"

"Well if you hadn't disturbed me while I was busy inventing triangles" but god realised his own importance and thus he sent a big piece of string to stop the ladders from collapsing.

Jacob marvelled at the glory and started marching up and down the stepladders singing to himself

#Now I'm tall, and now I'm small#

which started to piss god off as he was busy trying to finish the triangle connumdrum. God called the nearest free angel, who was named Kevin the Cocky Angel. God sent Kevin to show Jacob the decorator how the ladder was to be used.

Kevin the angel arrived and said to Jacob "Watch this, it's not really very difficult" and proceeded to march up the ladder in a very confident fashion, but when he got to step number 70 he was being a bit too cocky and as he turned to brag to Jacob he fell off and muttered "Fucking hell, they're a bit wobbly" as he tumbled to the floor.

But Jacob had figured it out by now and he said "I shall call you Bethel" which is hebrew for something and he picked up his paintbrush and went to finish the decorating before god decided to turn him into crackers or something equally brittle.

What's That Sporty?

So many expressions in English derive from sporting references that anyone who was not English might have a little trouble in undestanding. In fact the references are not all English (twatty cuntry) but some are Merkan (rrrrrrrr).

For example:-

'Coming on the blind side' actually comes from rugby and has fuck all to do with Ray Charles at all.

'Ooo, he got googled' originated in cricket not some very nice, dead clever search engine.

'Back to square 1' started as football was invented before TV, so they gave a map to all radio listeners describing where on the pitch anyone was - apart from the ball.

'It's a rim shot' began as a harmless enough basketball term but now is synoymous with hoops of a different variety.

'It's out of here' is associated with baseball, I think, and has nothing to do with giving birth but, does have something to do with parks.

I'm sure there are many more - suggest away......

dare you ;-)