Cold

This will probably not be the most interesting post ever as I have spent the last 48 hours "nursing" a cold. Therefore I have been drinking herbal tea whilst sat in a sleeping bag (in the front room) watching TV (also causing me to hop around like a one legged kangaroo), or huddled under the biggest duvet in the bedroom I could find trying to sweat it out. In the meantime, for the few hours I had time to cogitate.

I came up with my list of Top Ten TV shows currently showing (here) but interlaced in these muses a list of bizarre thoughts that crossed my mind, which I list first. My blog, my choices. Feel free to comment.

Bizarre thoughts I had:-

- Space discovery..why? So we got Teflon and thus non-stick frying pans but no ET
- If a male rottweiler clamps it's jaws on you, grabbing it by the balls releases the jaws..why? Why/how did someone discover this fact?
- Most Michael Stipe lyrics..why? Don't even get me started on that
- Pigeons can't fart..why? Not that I care but how did someone discover this?
- Pull a fish backwards and it drowns..why? No point of living in water then!
- a blow j...no, better not go down why it's called that
- waiting for a bus, train etc, light a cigarette and it comes
- parents get more childish as they get older..why? We become wiser, or them stupider?
- Mood swings - women have a "time of the month", men a "time of the day"
- old people can remember things from 63 years ago but not that they told you the same story 20 minutes ago

The TV shows, in no particular order:-

- My Name is Earl (freaky but very clever)
- House (Hugh Laurie is ace in this)
- Prison Break (guess what this is about)
- The Dead Zone (based on the S King novel)
- Monk (Tony Shaloub at his comedic best)
- CSI Miami (best of the 3 CSI series)
- Supernatural (dark but don't watch it with anyone who hates The Shining)
- The Simpsons (DOH!)
- Law and Order SVU (black and justice, with Ice-T?! from NWA to a police series...)
- Crimical Minds (FBI profiling with some nice characters)

a luego,
S

Mondays

Monday - back to work, back to reality Monday. I hate chuffing Mondays - second worst day of the week for me only "trumped" by Sundays when the god squad are on patrol. Well, apart from Easter Monday which is nice for religious reasons namely that we get to remember the life and preachings of the jesus bloke by large rabbits delivering chocolate eggs. Don't seem to recall seeing the word "chocolate" in the bible but perhaps I wasn't paying attention. Come to think of it, I don't recall the word "rabbit" in there either.

*nudge in back from conscience* stay away from talking religion.........

Apparently today is the 20th anniversary of Fergie taking charge at Old Trafford. Goth that makes me feel old. I remember Big Ron, and Dave Sexton to name just two of his predecessors. I'm just glad Fergie wasn't in charge of my school football team when I spooned a penalty over the bar in the schools cup final. Still, my football career lasted longer than my rugby one. Unfortunate thing with being Welsh - rugby is the national sport so you have to play it at school. Not the best option for a stick insect like me. Nice career statistics though - played twice, sent off twice.

The games master explained the principles but my intelligence wouldn't allow me to dive to grab someone's feet whilst they were wearing boots with studs. Didn't/doesn't make any sense. So during the first game, when he shouted "stop him" as some fat chuffer ran directly at me, I did. Unfortunately for said, by now running relatively fast lard arse, my Karate was a lot better than he was expecting. Red card and off I went. Similar thing happened in my second game with the same result. Thus ended the rugby career I never wanted anyway.

Didn't break the land speed record on the way back from the airport yesterday. Too busy messing about with the CD player while driving. Anyway, it's too dangerous driving fast - might squash a hedgehog or anything. For some reason, the Spanish are great in straight lines 0-150 kph with no messing but as soon as the road features a bend they stamp on the brakes. It's like being back in the YUK when the first snowflake falls - severe panic attacks (not me, my fellow motorists!).

a luego,
S

The Jigsaw Man

To steal from Steinbeck - the best intentions of mice and men! I am so angry I could..........stamp on a hamster. Not smoking lasted 4 hours and 31 minutes (mainly while I was asleep). Didn't pick the best time to give up. The love-in terminates today as she has a "ticket to ride". My ex has gone decidedly "stage-left" and it's still chuffing raining.

As Gaz says in The Full Monty - "It's all to f*cking cock is this". Trying to be positive though - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Did manage to find 50 euros I had stashed in a drawer - don't remember why but hooray anyway. 10 bottles of Wodka if I shop at Murky Donna (the cheap supermarket in Spain).

So, why the Jigsaw Man? - because I feel like a jigsaw with a piece missing - 999 pieces in a 1000 piece tale. Every time I think I have the chuffer figured, I can't complete the puzzle. Suppose I could just cheat and give it away to charity!! And I still have this overwhelming feeling of doom as I know I have to move back to Belgium from Spain - chuffing great......mayonnaise with everything again! Looking on the not so bright side, at least it will be easy to remain Gothic and I still have my umbrella collection ;-)

Today is a trip to the Aeropuerto - slowly on the way there, attempt to break the land speed record on the way back. Thankfully, I don't have to go to Ali-twatty airport - god I hate that place. Thank Goth I have a copy of The Shining on DVD to watch later - "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy".

Should be happy - living mainly in Spain and not on the plain but Goth rules apply - no smiling, being happy or wearing colours other than black. I went to do an intensive Spanish course at the University - I can read, translate and speak Spanish but wanted to improve it. Had to drop out however - the dinky little French "chick" sat next to me was too much of a temptation and I don't want my libido running my life.........think "shoe repair shop"!!

So, I'm off to look for the missing piece of the puzzle. It's bound to be somewhere obvious - Einstein said so.....not personally but laws of physics etc. Could read "Mastering UNIX" but it's so chuffing boring - oh bollox, get the Richard Pryor DVD out!!

a luego,
S

Smoking

Oh chuff!!!!! - time has finally caught me up and it's time to quit smoking. (P*ss off if you've never caught the habit, partaken and thus rued the day you started). I'm starting to turn Simpson yellow, can't get on public transport anywhere and my lungs protest at the slightest incline - ha, probably give up completely if they saw Mount Everest. Just got my Zippo (lighter) confiscated at LiverFool airport - message there maybe. Going to be hard work though - had my first ciggie at 8 years old and I'm now nudging (in a gentle but alluring fashion) 40.

Word to the wise - buy shares in Wrigleys now, dump Philip Morris shares. Going to try and compensate using chewing gum. 40 tabs a day to nada is going to take some doing but if she can, I can. Might be really arsey for a few weeks - she was/is. But, afterwards, I'll be able to smell things again, stop regurgitating my lungs every morning and be hyper-critical of people smoking. Oh, and I won't worry about turning myself into a human(ish) bonfire by falling asleep p*ssed with a tab in hand.

Don't know what I will do about the proliferation of lighters.......go to a Bon Jovi concert or something. I could make some small model volcanoes - but no school project as I'm banned from going there. Kind of a habit - me getting banned from schools!!

Thinking about it though, what am I to do with empty beer cans? Great ashtrays. I suppose I'll overdose on chewing cocktail sticks. Eek, I wonder if I'll be able to smell badger's bums when I don't smoke anymore?!!!

a luego,
S

Spider Loving

Ha, now you little rascals will have to go out and buy The Mighty Boosh to make sense of this post (Spider loving). I just spent what felt like an eternity moving beds around - well, from one room to the next. Broke the other one. Should be very male and proud but I'm far too gothic for that macho crap. Now, I want some more "Spider Loving". *sings* Oo ee oo ee oo ;-)

And (only starting a sentence with 'and' as I was told you couldn't do that, ergo, I will just to prove a point) it's still chuffing raining in Spain. Didn't think there was this much water in the sky here - yikes, I was wrong. It does happen.

This is an outrage!!

Tonight is the Primitiva lottery in Spain - grand prize of rubbish but still bought a ticket yesterday "got to be in it to win it". It's great, as in typical Spanish fashion, none of the shops that sell the tickets are actually open today. Wouldn't mind except the Spanish are obsessed with lottery type gambling - go figure!! Of course, I could be worth 131 million euros by now (Euro Million lottery) but, meanwhile, back in the real world - no new car, house, holidays, teefers etc.

Must say hello to my little bro -> "Hello" - he's busy arresting hobbits on t'other side of the planet. From Selby (UK) to Wellington (NZ) - as he would have said "it's reet nuts is that". The good side is that he couldn't take his golf clubs with him so I "inherited" them. Haven't used them yet - haven't had any burglars yet.......not sure if a Spanish burglar will duck when they hear "fore" before they get a 9-iron round their head.

Also won 5 euros on the bet. She said, he said type of thing. Yesterday, not the restaurant of my choice - 2 courses, crap food, crap service and 40 euros. Today, my choice. Special little Spanish place - no "grockles" (tourists) and 3 hours later, after 5 courses, a litre of wine, water, coffee, free schnapps and only 30 euros lighter we wobbled away. Might have to change my name to FatSpanishGoth!! Have to do something with that extra 5 euros.

a luego,
S

Bloomin chuff - as if to disprove my point, the Welsh rugby team actually drew with Australia (not the whole country, just the opposing rugby team). Whatever next? Prince Charles becomes handsome......yeah, maybe not eh

What a lot of weather

And so, prompted by posts, I have to explain the weather here in Spain at the moment. Apparently, the rain falling mainly on the plain is bullshit. Every so often, it rains like it does in Bruxelles - i.e a lot. This really freaks people out here. Although the Spanish have seen umbrellas, they still haven't figured out how to use them. It's a good job that I still have my "cloud of darkness" to make people cross the street rather than bump into me, otherwise the chuffers would be poking me left, right and centre trying to "get it up"......

Generally, it is hot, sunny and lovely. In fact, in nearly 12 months of being here, I can only remember it raining 6 days (except it rains at night sometimes, which doesn't count as you can't see it).

I have a friend called "Elf" - he's not a real elf but he is a bit small and dinky - which counts I suppose. He works as an air steward for BA (British Airways) on the long haul flights. Anyway, his mother is Austrian and although she has a good command of English, she does say certain things that, on first hearing you want to correct but after time you wonder whether she is more correct?!

For example, when it's pissing down with rain - i.e. really wet, she says "What a lot of weather we are having" - on nightmares "I made bad dreams last night"

Now I must go and see to the chores. Wodka and tomato juice for me - whats chores? ;-)

a luego,
S

On the Road Again

A new day - a new Euro Millions Day - a new no event day (I can once again win nothing - but with style).

Got into an argument with my father, my ex-wife and pretty much everyone who moves (not at the same time, managed to do them in a random fashion). No change there then! I look forward to Santa Claus having a real problem when Christmas happens. Might get the "Argument Action Man" if I'm really lucky - "Action Man Deserter" if not.

Wanted to buy a motorbike for my son but he can be just as stupid as me (oh the joys of inheritance).

Look, vrooom, really fast, tree, EEK, dead!!

Like Marc Bolan but at least he wasn't driving (and it was a Mini not a bike)! He (Bolan, not my offspring) could at least blame it on the girlfriend - hooray for him.

I know I shouldn't/mustn't get a Subarru Imprezza WRC, Porsche 911 Turbo, Ferrari 328 GTB etc - should probably get a Wolwo estate (back to the HIM reference) - hence why I have currently, the 4-door Audi A4 (she's called Eleanor) - incredibly reliable, safe and I'm not tempted to "power-slide" around corners, roundabouts or anything not like a straight line. Did once have a "rally-prepped" car but I was dangerous in it - not just to myself but to little old grannies trying to cross the road. They had to learn how to do that Matrix 'hanging in the air' thing.

I didn't crash though ;-) but did get busted for speeding. The police didn't seem impressed with my "power slide" around the roundabout at 60 mph in a 30 zone or maybe I just had the stereo on too loud or, ha and this is more likely, I made one of the chuffers spill the gravy from his chips onto his pants!!

ala,
S

ps HIM reference = band from Finland "taking the piss" of Scandinavian people who pronounce all V's as W's - hence Volvo becomes Wolwo