I Remember Friday Nights

I do - it doesn't seem that long ago but as I sat at home, on my own with my takeaway curry I started to reminisce about what a Friday night used to actually mean to me.

I used to like playing gigs on a Friday night - there was something surreal about the preparation of setting up the equipment, doing the sound checks and thinking my mates were in the pub drinking beer ready to go to a disco.

I hated discos with a vengeance. I hated the preening, poncing males. The over-priced drinks and the fights afterwards because some male had looked at someone else's femlae in the wrong way. They're people, not possessions you twats.

In the meantime, after the soundcheck had been done, the band would sit there drinking free beer arguing about changes in the set-list for that evening. Eventually, we'd have a majority decision on the set list written on the nearest available beer mat. This would be blu-tacked to the nearest amp that we could all see (the drummer didn't count as he made his shit up anyway).

The lights would dim, the smoke machine would kick in (alright, it was the roadie smoking 3 Marlboro at a time and puffing it out of a megaphone) and we would be introduced.

Then all hell would break loose as we hadn't told the management quite how loud we were going to play. We didn't care, we were having way too much fun. For 60 minutes or so, the sonic boom would reverberate about the place. Then it was the time to end. With a wailing of guitars and occassionally a flouncing off stage by the lead singer, the lights would go back up.

Whilst the roadie patiently packed equipment away, we would talk to members of the audience who wanted to share their.....stuff. I got some mighty strange offers but being a virgin, always declined.

Once the equipment had been loaded and the roadie had set off, we set off to the nearest rock club or Gothic dive. We probably smelt like badgers arses but we didn't care.

Now it was party time and so we took full advantage of it. Oh the days of drinking diet coke and eating chicken in a basket - don't know anything about that shit at all. We drank anything that contained alcohol, whatever the colour - as for food, who needs it?

The places we went to never had fights - people were generally too stoned to care. If we were lucky, we might get home at 7 am, if not, we just slept in the nearest hedge or whatever.

I would say I'm not proud of it, but that would be a lie.

It was ROCK and we loved every minute of it.

So, as I sit staring at the remnants of my curry, on my own, I can truly say - life's not what it used to be.....

Ooops I Lost a Day

I know I've been ill but how can you lose a day? That's just plain stupid. Here I was all morning thinking it was Thursday and it's actually Friday. It's not like I can walk backwards to get it back either.

I can understand losing your keys, or a hat but some things cannot be found again.

I lost my virginity. Well, where did you leave it? In the bed I think. DOH - too late

I lost my temper. Careless indeed and even you you find calm instead, it will not replaced whatever you smashed at the time.

I lost my way - ugh, you like Frank Sinatra or were you clever and lost the Pistols version, easier done as it's anarchic.

They even did a whole series of programs called Lost. I never watched it, I mean how boring would that be?

*Cut to two survivors on a desert island*

"What happened?" - "I lost my keys" "But how?" "Well, when the plane crashed into the mountain, and everyone rolled downhill to the beach, they must have just fallen out".

What next? - The sequel? FOUND. Lots of aircrash survivors get rescued by a boat, but the captain is really clever and brought a metal detector because he just knows that someone will have lost their keys.

I'd love to work in the Lost & Found office in some large place like Grand Central Station. This is a genuine list of some of the items there (coutesy of National Geographic magazine):-


Cell Phones
iPods
Umbrellas

(all usual stuff - now for the WTF's)

False teeth
A pair of ear lobes (left by a plastic surgeon)
An Urn of ashes (deliberate as the woman hated her husbands cheating)
A very mournful looking basset hound

Some people eh? What's the strangest thing you've lost?

A Case of Mistaken Identity

So there I was, peacefully smoking a cigarette on the train platform station when a policeman comes up to me and says:-

(in French first, which I ignored, then Flemish, which I ignored)

"Sorry Sir, you must put that cigarette out"

to which I replied....

"Sorry, you must have me confused with someone who gives a fuck"

He reached for his gun, I put the cigarette out. I'm cocky, not fucking stupid.

===============

Which brings me to Part 2. In the Big Blogger house, the voting has changed to those you want to keep in. So go here and vote for anyone except me, otherwise I get stuck in that rat-infested dump for another week.

Go here to vote.

Now I'm off to the pub because they sell alcohol.

*tips hat and departs*

Goth Goes Brazilian

Well, sort of. Busy minding my own business - i.e. doing fuck all really, lady Daphne of the Muff calls me and requests a meeting in the park. Apparently there's an oopen air music festival - so all that's required is some decent weather (like that'll happen in Bruxelles. Anyway, 'It's a bit like Glastonbury' she said as I looked out at the miserable, rain laden sky. 'Yeah, full of mud and shit music' I thought but wouldn't have dared to be so rude.

Rain calls for a change of plan - "Is there a bar near this park thing?" I asked and having had the obvious confirmed, I headed off in that direction at dawn, or about 3 in the afternoon, which is as close to dawn as I get.

We met in the bar and started quaffing our beers looking at the weather taking a turn for the worse. Then the strangest thing happened, one by one a Brazilian samba band started coming in to the bar with their instruments to get out of the rain. "This could prove interesting" I said to Daphne - "Why?" she asked. "Because they won't be able to resist the urge to start playing".

Sure enough, barely 10 minutes had elapsed and the music started. So there we were, sat on comfy chairs in a small bar, listening to samba music for at least 2 hours.

Who cares if it's raining outside, when it feels like Brazil on the inside. At one point, they even persuaded me to get up and sing with them - been awhile since I did that in public.

A jolly good time was had by all, although I think the volume of beer drunk may have been slightly excessive but so what - free gigs in small bars. Who needs to go and roll around in the mud at Glastonbury - fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I love it when a plan comes together....

10 Things You May Not Know About Me

Prompted by the luscious Honey (as you can be) - here is a list of 10 things you may not know about me:-

1) I can play the cello - really well (when I'm not too pissed)

2) I like 'bumpy toast' (toast with tuna and cheese, so called because when I was waking up and the woman of my dreams presented it to me, I said "Oh wow, look, bumpy toast")

3) Kids are fascinated by me - all kids. Their gaze follows me even if I fall through a hedge.

4) I collect 'free stuff' - anything will do, keyrings, pens - if it's free, I don't care. Doesn't matter that I'm never going to use it.

5) I can't stand to watch someone touch their eyes (like putting contact lenses in) - blood, no problem, eyes - gaaaarrrrgghh

6) If I drink a bad glass of wine, I can throw up only that glass of wine - not everything else, just that particular wine.

7) I hate flies - all of them. I'm like a cat that wants to swat them. Doesn't matter where I am, or what I'm doing - die, bastard, die

8) I don't like water. Fear of drowning I guess but, try and put me on a boat at your peril.

9) I love frozen peas - to eat, as they are, before they're defrosted.

10) I hate feet. Not just my feet, anybodys feet - fucking freaky things.

And I tag - Zoe, MrX, Timbo, Edvard, and Brom

Do it, don't do it - I don't really give a shit....but, it would be funny if you did Space Cadets.....

I Don't Cry Much

I Don't Cry Much, because I'm big and hard and insensitive and Gothic and evil.

Only two things will make me cry - mini-Goth and mini-Gothess. I've done some crazy shit in my life, but I NEVER regret creating the two superstars of the uiniverse.

I've done some horrible shit in my life, but none worse than having to leave them.

I wish things could be different. I'm fairly sure I've been painted as the evil twat from hell - I'm not. Anyone who actually knows me will tell you I'm not evil. Anyone who knows me on a day to day basis, will tell you I am not the Antichrist.

However, it's time for me to start stabbing people in the eyes with pencils and if you don't like it, stay the fuck away from me...

My son just said "hasta luego xxxluv u dad"

I cried.

He's never called me 'dad' since I had to leave.

Besos mon amigo

Honey, I Fucked The Kids up

I Miss Them So Much, I Could Die

It's one thing, fucking up a relationship - quite another, fucking your kids lives up. Honey, you saw it tonight - yes, that's the reason I couldn't put myself in the same room as those cherubs. It hurts too much. I have cried so many tears that it pains me too much to do so again.

I am actually, very good with children - if you don't pressurise me into being so.

I am lucky that I have a mini-Goth who is talented, beautiful and brave - articulate, and artistic. Unfortunately, he has nowhere near the capacity for evil I possess. But, his mother will not allow me to protect him. I am not allowed to go into his school, rip the beating hearts of his oppressors and gorge on their hearts while they bleed to death.

I have a mini-Gothess who is stubborn, looks like a fairy-tale princess and will kick the crap out of anyone who annoys her. She is artistic also, but sensitive in a different way. She will never allow herself to be dominated, which may be a good thing but maybe not. She doesn't need protecting but again, I am not allowed to protect her.

I would protect their mother too but, I am not allowed to do so.

Basically I'm fucked. I never wanted to lock the children in Crystal Cages but, I always wanted to be there to bring down vengeance if required. I wanted to be the Goth of War if they needed it

Oh well, shit happens..........

ala,
SG