Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta HA HA see me go to hell. Mostrar todas las entradas
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta HA HA see me go to hell. Mostrar todas las entradas

jueves, julio 17, 2008

Awards Ceremony

I don't normally accept awards as I am far too busy being Gothic to give a fuck about them. However, as Mr Farty, who is Scottish but likeable none the less, nominated me for the awardy thingy, I thought I would accept.

Rather unsurprisingly, I did not come first - we Goths have some principles we like to uphold.

Although, I usually prefer to come in position 69, I think number 3 was ok on the list. Number 1 was taken by a set of speakers, with an admirable tone. Number 2 was taken by my Prince Of Sarcasm and I followed, pushing the chair.

Apparently, there were another 2 bloggers after us but, as they were 'runners-up' - the Prince (formerly known as squiggle) told me to ignore them.

Here is a picture of me wheeling Prince to pick up his award - I'm the pushy bastard at the back.

not really me, I'm just fucking about

Part of this 'Oscar, who lives in a trash can' thing is to nominate 5 other blogs who deserve such an award. I really had to think about this one as I have to say why I read their blogs. I could bullshit and give you some inane crap like a true award speech but, let's be honest... no, really, let's be honest...

1) Honey - Because she scares the shit out of me with her honesty and I know her in real life. She is one of the most beautiful people to have graced the planet and yes, I did think seriously about kicking the living shit out of her erstwhile partner.

2) Lady Daphne - My Matron of the nursing profession. She brought me Jelly Babies on the day after I scraped my arm. For that alone, she deserves an award but, her blog is inventive and invective at the same time.

3) Joilet Jake - for taking over my position of talking more bollocks in one post than any bufoon can. I also want to ensure that his visitor numbers increase so that he posts more often and thus stops listening to shit music, or eating cheese sandwiches in hotels when he could have curry.

4) Big Titticus - aka (.)(.) - because I want her as my bedtime nurse. I'm not sure I would survive a night but, what a way to go. She might be as mad as a bag of squirrels but at least she's honest.

5) My Suicidal American Buddy - I admire him when he writes whilst pissed as a cunt - but I wouldn't want to be within 100 miles. Also, I'd like to teach him how to drink properly - i.e. without the 'blowing chunks' thing. Drinking properly is an acquired art that requires practice.

This completes my list - if you're not on it - tough shit - you're missing nothing. If you're on it, you can adhere to the rules, posted on Mr Farty's nomination or not. Really, I don't give a shit - but they call that Gothipation or something.....

Oh, nearly forgot, I have to include a link to the award site - well, here it is.... find it if you can (easy if you look at the code)
purty

viernes, agosto 17, 2007

So God Said Fuck Off

Well he didn't actually but he might of, if he wasn't too stoned to notice what was happening. If I was god as opposed to Goth, which I am, 'FUCK OFF' would be the first thing I invented, then at least one would have an answer for everything.

"But god, it is so dark" - FUCK OFF
"Spiders have 8 legs but I only have 2" - FUCK OFF
"If a chicken crossed a road, and.." - FUCK OFF

So, god had to get busy in his little workshop of creation, fashioning shite out of nothingness in a god-like way. However, things didn't go to plan as god invented spliffs and he shared a spliff with his best buddy, Lucifer.

"Dude, that is such a crock of shit" said Lucifer, at which point god said "FUCK OFF... I haven't invented you yet"

So god banished his smoking partner, Lucifer and decided to create earth and all the things upon it, in a general haphazard and somewhat stoned fashion.

'This will be so fucking funny' thought god but then his arse twitched, in a god-like manner.

Pulling his skids to the side he thought, 'this is going to be so fucking funny' but, he wanted a second opinion, and so he invented angels to get some feedback.

"Errr, god, this design for Norway doesn't really work"

FUCK OFF - *shazam*

"God - you've left drugs all over the planet"

FUCK OFF - *shazam*

oops, shouldn't have done that

"God, you know that" *ducking for cover* "this won't actually work"

FUCK OFF - *shazam*

GODLIKE TONE

I AM SENDING MY SON TO SORT THIS SHIT OUT, AND HE'S BRINGING CHOCOLATE AND RABBITS AND AVOIDING THE TREES I HAVE INVENTED AND NOT PASSING GO OR STUFF - AND IF YOU FUCKERS TRY TO MAKE A CRUCIFIX......

*Many people with beards nod and bow down in deference*

FUCK OFF - *shazam*