Virtual Insanity

I have one of those Play-Frustration things and, simplistically, it makes no fucking sense at all. There are too many buttons and the car doesn't do what I want it to do at all - stupid bastard thing.

In reality, I can drive anything that has wheels (and I have the official licenses to prove it) - in PFS (Play Fucking Station) world, I can't drive for shit.

"OK", I think and change the game to golf - the art of twatting a small ball into a small hole whilst wearing ridiculous trousers.

Same result.

In real life, I can twat a ball really hard, in the direction that I want (or, if frustrated enough, twat the person I want to). However, on this game thingy - I'm like Stevie Wonder on acid.

WTF? - What the fuck is that about then?

In 'gaming' world, you can be anything you want to. You can kick the shit out of some Alien mother-fuckers, beat Brazil at football with one leg tied behind your head, fly X-wing doofers at breakneck speed and..

In reality, it doesn't actually work that way.

Crashing a car fucking hurts. Getting your arse kicked hurts also and you cannot climb walls, jump across mighty crevaces or otherwise without the aid of class A drugs.

However, in a spiritual Gothic way, I offer the following 'gaming' releases:-

Learn a Language (especially your own)
Read Books (with words and everything)
Hate God (he started it)
Make Love Not War (some hippy shit, but makes sense I think)

Suggestion for the Gothic Play Fru-Station games?????

Christmas Spirit

Not the ghosty one, rattling chains and reminding you of all the shit things you've done in your life. I'm talking about the purely alcoholic one. Anyway who says that drinking is not big and not clever can fuck right off my planet.

Drinking is great and clever. Logically, if all of those miserable bastards who start wars and talk religious bollocks got pissed more often, the world would be a far better place.

International conferences should be held in bars. Just think how much would be achieved. Well, probably not an awful lot but, it would be jolly good fun.

One of my favourite places to visit was a Gothic nightclub. There was never, ever, a fight in there because everyone was so off their faces that they couldn't be arsed to fight. If a drink was spilt there was no macho posturing and threats of violence. The conversation was more like:-

"You just spilt my drink you pissed twat"
"Sorry, I fucked up - let me buy you another one".

The Middle East conflict could have been solved so quickly with enough alcohol, and maybe a kebab afterwards.

So to all visitors to Goth World - I raise a glass and wish you a prosperous new year with lashings of ginger beer - laced with whisky obviously.