Virtual Insanity

I have one of those Play-Frustration things and, simplistically, it makes no fucking sense at all. There are too many buttons and the car doesn't do what I want it to do at all - stupid bastard thing.

In reality, I can drive anything that has wheels (and I have the official licenses to prove it) - in PFS (Play Fucking Station) world, I can't drive for shit.

"OK", I think and change the game to golf - the art of twatting a small ball into a small hole whilst wearing ridiculous trousers.

Same result.

In real life, I can twat a ball really hard, in the direction that I want (or, if frustrated enough, twat the person I want to). However, on this game thingy - I'm like Stevie Wonder on acid.

WTF? - What the fuck is that about then?

In 'gaming' world, you can be anything you want to. You can kick the shit out of some Alien mother-fuckers, beat Brazil at football with one leg tied behind your head, fly X-wing doofers at breakneck speed and..

In reality, it doesn't actually work that way.

Crashing a car fucking hurts. Getting your arse kicked hurts also and you cannot climb walls, jump across mighty crevaces or otherwise without the aid of class A drugs.

However, in a spiritual Gothic way, I offer the following 'gaming' releases:-

Learn a Language (especially your own)
Read Books (with words and everything)
Hate God (he started it)
Make Love Not War (some hippy shit, but makes sense I think)

Suggestion for the Gothic Play Fru-Station games?????

Now That's A Target

Very few creatures scare or even worry me. I know people have phobias about, indeed I remember a posting on Phobias where someone said that "Anything with more than 4 legs that isn't a table is unnatural". Me? Dont' care.

Snakes? Not bothered - my brother used to keep them, my uncle still does.
Scorpions? Don't care - I'll just stamp on the little rascals.
Maggots? Used to them from my years as a FisherGoth.
Spiders? Love them - they eat flies.
Wasps? Hours of fun with a badminton racquet.
Sharks? So what, I'm not going in the water anyway.

Anyway, it brings me around to what I was going to talk about. Some Space Cadets in the jungle have discovered a RAT AS BIG AS A CAT.

I'm not afraid of rats - I rather like them as a target. It started when I was young and we lived in the country. We were cleaning out the garage when a rat ran across the floor from one pile of boxes to another. Papa Goth is afraid of rats and so he went running inside to fetch his rifle. This action merely caused me and my little brother to collapse in fits of laughter.

The laughter stopped on my fathers return, rifle in hand, to assassinate the rodent. His 'plan' for want of a better word, was that my brother and I should move boxes until the rat emerged and he would shoot it. Pure logic never works with someone suffering from fear, so explaining that the bullet would ricochet around the concrete garage didn't carry anyway. When the rat emerged, the bullet, as expected, ricocheted around the garage causing us to flee for our lives.

Years later, living in the country, I used to spend my evenings in the kitchen with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a high powered air rifle, potting off rats as they ran across the lawn. I was very accurate.. until the bottle was half consumed, then I wasn't so accurate but, it gave me hours of fun.

So to the new discovery, the CAT/RAT. I think even I could hit it having drunk all the bottle, as for my father? He was last seen carving a trail through the jungle at 100 miles an hour in the opposite direction.

Any other scary creatures I have missed?