Biblical King Of The Bees

Yes, there was also, in that book, the bible, a very wise king and his name was King Solomon. He was so very wise that he used to sit on his throne all day doing fuck all really but when someone came in and said "Oh King, something dreadful has happened" and proceeded to explain the disaster, the King would say "Well, I did tell you that was going to happen" and everyone wandered off going, "Bloody hell, he knows everything, he does".

Anyway, one day the Queen of Sheba, came up with a plan to outfox the King, in a cunning and foxlike fashion. She arrived in the King's court with a bunch of flowers in each hand. Standing a fair way from the King, but by the window so he could see properly, she said "O clever and mighty one, one of these bunches are real flowers and one are very cleverly disguised false ones - but which is which?"

The King thought about it and scratched his beard. "Come on then smart-arse" demanded the Queen of Sheba.

"Open the bloody window" demanded the King "It's too stuffy in here and I can't think properly".

The King's courtier did so and moments later, the King announced "The flowers in your right hand are the real ones".

"Wow" said the Queen of Sheba "You are indeed wise and powerful, but how did you know?"

"That's easy" replied the King "They're the ones that are covered in bees"

"Covered in..." started the Queen before looking at her hands. She screamed and ran out of the palace yelping "Fucking hell, I'm covered in bees".

Thankyou Mr Izzard

So, I attended my first dinner party for a while. I had been warned about what NOT to say, or mention etc. It's tricky as I like to throw a conversation with a weird statement that has no bearing on the current topic at all, but, love rested on my behaviour (and she was sitting next to me).

Thus, I was good, and well behaved, and didn't do anything untoward at all, really. I ate food in the proper fashion, listened to jazz and said appropriate statements like 'groovy' and was generally extremely well behaved.

Mariposa was pleased as it was like I was fitting into society, in a general, 'fitting-in' kind of way. I entered into the whole spirit of things and I offered tips on cooking, did not swear in any language, and simplistically, was a very good Goth.

Everything was going swimmingly well as we sat around the table, as if we were in a Jane Austen novel, eating the gorgeous food that had been prepared, drinking the lovingly chosen wine and talking seriously about the state of affairs in Africa.

Until...

I got asked a question about a particular food. "So, how would you like your .... ?"

"Covered in bees"

At which point, wine flew out of everyones nostrils and the whole occassion took on a different perspective.

It probably doesn't make an awful lot of sense unless you have seen Eddie Izzard talking about bees, but if you haven't, go Here and then you might get it.

Oh well, scheiss passiert !!