I Am Not A Fucking Dude

There are many things I have been called, and still am called. Dude is not bloody one of them - if you care for your life. For fucks sake call me a vampiric twat from satans semen if you want, that has to be better than 'dude'.

I have honed this Gothic image to perfection. I have the clothes, I have the hair, I even know who Dani Filth is, pathethic short arsed twat. (oh, and I hope you appreciate the irony of my posting the NL version).

Anyway, I do not appreciate being called DUDE.

Fuck off and play with your friends on skateboards, motting their hooples.

"Oh but you totally know about this system dude"

"Yes, I could rebuild your database but I don't want to"

"I'm sensing some negative vibes here dude"

"And did you note the correlation between your attempted connection with my persona based on your visual perception, and my then complete lack of compliance?"

"Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about"

"That will be why your systems fucked then"

*Thus endeth another day in the pub in Goth World*

Stuff That For a Game of Soldiers

Taxidermy - what's that about then? Gadzooks, I should rephrase the question - it is why, not what is taxidermy. I understand the principle of taxidermy well enough. Living thing dies, strip out it's guts - stuff sand or something up it's arse and VOILA - a stuffed dead thing. Why the hell would you want to do that? "Ooo, look at granny - doesn't she look so peaceful sat in her rocking chair". Yeah. That'll be on account of the fact she's dead with half a ton of sawdust where her insides used to be.

People do it with pets all the time. "Ooo look, this is my favourite cat, Boris" - "doesn't move as much as he used to but he likes his daily stroke". WTF?!

I think the Egyptians started it - little rascals. Dead king, lets shove a load of shite up his arse and build a pyramid on his head. Of course, they slightly fucked up with the 'lets put lots of valuable things in too'. Like a neon sign blaring in the night 'Robbers - this way - lots of free groovy stuff!!'. King Tut had his Karma well and truly rodgered when that secret got out. He had to show his arse just to get sympathy from the devil - hence the name Tut-in Karma-Mooned.

What I have never figured out, and quite frankly, can't be arsed to contemplate, is why someone would want a dead 'something' hanging around anyway. It's dead - get over it, and, if it's too big to get over, get around it. When I die, which I eventually will - although I'm having fun evading the Duke of Death at the moment - I do not want some weirdo shoving sawdust up my butt. What if it impacts your afterlife? Slowly wake up to a chorus of blissful naked angels with their baps out singing #take me to the moon, let me play amongst your stars# and....shit, you can't move because your previous incarnation is sitting in a museum somewhere in a jesus christ pose.

Nope, for me, taxidermy is a leap off the cliff of sanity. Feel free to try it if you want but don't come crying to me covered in bandages going "ooooooweeeoooo the parachute didn't work".

"Stuffing sir?" - fuck off and take your 'waiters from hell' with you.

a luego,
S