My Boyfriend Is A Twat

Regulars to Goth World will know I'm not one for advertising or any of that commercial shite. 'How much is your blog worth?' - fuck off and find some idiot to publicise your crap products elsewhere.

"Put a Google Ad on your blog and make money" - piss off you corporate cunts!!

BUT, my friend - who is a girl, and a better blogger than me, Zoe, has released a book based on her blog My Boyfriend Is A Twat and fuck me backwards with a pitchfork but, it's fucking good.

I'm not saying that because I get commission, just because I think so.

Yesterday, was the book launch in Bruxelles - which I was invited to. So I thought - 'eek - I must wear Dolce and Gob anna' etc.

Not so. The scruffy terrorists appeared, and I was one of them.

Laughed? - I nearly pissed myself. Me, with European twits and the Twat in a suit. It could almost be a sketch from Monty Python.

However, a large number of bloggers, from various countries turned up to support 'mi chica' and purchase her book. We even had one of those posh European politicians doing the introduction - and small biscuits with prawns on top - as you do.

After the posh stuff, the majority were moving on to another drinking establishment. I had to go home for pussy.

Fuska, as that is the cats name, doesn't like to be alone for too long.

Anyway, buy the book MY BOYFRIEND IS A TWAT

otherwise, I'll do......nothing probably

The Idiots Guide To

Following on from the best selling 'Dummies Guide to' series, purchased by millions of idiots around the world, I have decided (in a cold and calculating way) to add Gothic impetus to the movement.

Unfortunately, the cynical side of my nature appears to be blocking the process somewhat. Therefore I have decided it is in the best interests of humanity (and my bank balance) to throw the issue open to cyber-world in the hope that you come up with some better ideas that I can shamelessly steal and fuck off to the Caribbean with.

And before you start any of that premature cogitation stuff, these are the ideas I have already made my Gothic Cat eat:-

THE IDIOTS GUIDE TO:

• Carpentry - "Don't nail him to a tree - he could be famous or anything"


• Computers - "Try turning the bastard thing on you...."


• Cookery - Food, Microwave, PING (and silver foil, whilst funny as fuck, is not a good option in the microwave)


• Christmas - Just buy loads of shit that no-one wants (but keep the receipt)


• Chess - Fucking boring, so don't do it. Just Say NO

Now as you may have noticed, I have only used the letter C - and I skillfully avoided the word 'Cunts', nearly.

Anyway, your suggestions for my new series of books would be appreciated and, if all goes to plan, I will buy the suggester of the most suggestive suggestion, a castle in Scotland (or somewhere equally shit that no-one wants to live).

HA - put that in your Potter-Pipe and smoke it Rowling.....

I Am Not A Fucking Dude

There are many things I have been called, and still am called. Dude is not bloody one of them - if you care for your life. For fucks sake call me a vampiric twat from satans semen if you want, that has to be better than 'dude'.

I have honed this Gothic image to perfection. I have the clothes, I have the hair, I even know who Dani Filth is, pathethic short arsed twat. (oh, and I hope you appreciate the irony of my posting the NL version).

Anyway, I do not appreciate being called DUDE.

Fuck off and play with your friends on skateboards, motting their hooples.

"Oh but you totally know about this system dude"

"Yes, I could rebuild your database but I don't want to"

"I'm sensing some negative vibes here dude"

"And did you note the correlation between your attempted connection with my persona based on your visual perception, and my then complete lack of compliance?"

"Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about"

"That will be why your systems fucked then"

*Thus endeth another day in the pub in Goth World*

I'm So Tired

"I'm so tired of being you, suppressed by all my childish fears" - not a direct quote from Evanescence but, one word makes a difference.

(how hard can it be? fucking big and thus fucking hard.)

how tired? - weary of it all

being used? - i don't even want to contemplate it

suppressed? - hmmmm, don't get me started on twat topic

childish? probably - aren't we all when we are stripped emotionaly naked

I should not post this, I should instead pay some jumped up twat or twatess to tell me I'm fucked up. Hooray, what a bollocks of an idea

All will become clear in the next few days,

For newbies.... sorry - having a bad day.....

For regs...sorry - having a bad week....

a luego,
S