domingo, noviembre 09, 2008

Jesus Surfing

If you read the bible (the free book in hotel rooms in case you run out of toilet paper) you will know that jesus lived by the sea.

Living by the sea is very useful if you want to be a fisher of men, or a fisherman or - more importantly, catch some waves.

Dog, (being an anagram) said to his prototype:-

"I have invented the tree, and it's full of wood and stuff"

His son was busy smoking and talking weird, and growing a beard but remembered his training as 'Son of a Carpenter'

Thus, from the mighty tree, jesus did plane and polish to create - The Surfboard.

Although, a mighty fine idea, young master jesus has no idea HOW to surf.

"I have this really good idea" said JC "might work, might not"

As JC walked across the water, the disciples sat on the beach, stroking their beards.

When his dad created a huge wave of love, JC rode on it and proclaimed

"Yay - hanging ten"

at which point, most of the disciples, being wise, ran away.

When he arrived on the beach, he said to those remaining "I will teach you, and the you can teach others".

And thus they practiced - a lot.

Killed a lot of fish in the process too.

14 comentarios:

kimmyk dijo...

i remember reading in the bible during a layover in atlanta that all the betty's were crushin' on JC after he iced a maverick. from then on he was known in private circles as mateo.

i think it was somewhere in the old testament. i'm not sure though...i was piss drunk waiting on a plane.

john.g. dijo...

You make more sense than the bible! Doesn't say much does it?

PI dijo...

I thought it was the salt in the water that kept him afloat - and faith.

kimmyk dijo...

i think pi is right. all that salt tends to make me swell up...i could probably walk on water after a night of chinese food.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Kimmy -> I don't remember a 'Betty' in the bible - but I seem to recall one causing people to go "Oooo BB, Eat a Lamb"

JG -> indeed. 2,000 years of planning for what

Pat -> it wasn't the salt - combination of buttons and Nintendo rules

K2 -> chinese food does not include salt. Small furry animals sometimes

Vaguely Simpleton dijo...


You will need :

--> 1 rice paper bible or prayer book;
--> 1 unused envelope (not self-adhesive);
--> Something to smoke (ask your parents about this).
--> One nearly empty bottle of Fairy Liquid with the brand name obscured.
--> 1 or 2 fiends.

*Wet edge of envelope sticky-back bit,

*Immediately apply to edge of previously ripped out page of Genesis 1:29 (or similar), remove,

*Leave to dry for 15 seconds.

Skin up. Smoke. Share.
Make bubbles with the squeezy bottle.


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SpanishGoth dijo...

*grins and looks for stashed matches*

Anónimo dijo...
Este comentario ha sido eliminado por un administrador del blog.
Joliet Jake dijo...

I've read it, he dies in the end.

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

There you go again with your Jesus. Why don't you just take Holy Orders and be done with it? A monk's robe is quite Gothic, although I suspect yours will be a filthy habit.

PI dijo...

Shame Daphne!

Ariel dijo...

Well, the other day I discovered that some ultra religious schools here in the US post a 'Chapel Podcast' onto their website for everyone to enjoy... Oh, and when you call them, you are being blessed and prayed to while on hold. America scares me most days, thank heavens I am in the most liberal state in the US, I don't reckon I could keep sane anywhere else!

Benny "the Rat" Ratzinger dijo...

I've read it too, and there's the most BRILLIANT plot twist right at the end.
Can't wait for the sequel.

*spoiler alert*

We suffer thousands of years of misery, ignorance, war, disease and famine until he COMES BACK! (and you thought he was dead...hah!), kicks a LOTTA ass and saves the world.

SpanishGoth dijo...

As no fookers going to read this shit anyway - LOL Benny.

Jesus - The Dead Communist

"ACH - I will heal you"