Helping You To Help Me

It's been a long time since I worked on a helpdesk. When I started working in IT a couple of years ago (or so) it was considered to be a good introduction to how a company works.

This is probably quite a sound theory, for the people who came up with the idea, but not for those who have to work on one.

I can only reference what I have experienced - helpdesks for Computer Systems, so if you disagree please call the number below and we will divert you to India.

1) - The customer is not always right - in the majority of cases, they are fucking idiots.
2) - You cannot fix a problem if it is not described correctly
3) - Managers of helpdesk systems are morons who know nothing except how to misjudge their own worth

Anyway, I didn't last very long on the helpdesk because apparently I had an attitude problem.

So fast forward a number of years and having worked in IT for a while, someone, in the infinite wisdom decided that a 'back to basics' approach would benefit all.

Another shit idea - perfectly executed.

"Welcome to the Gothic Helpdesk - what is your current problem?"
'When I logged onto the system at 07:30...'
"No you didn't - your computer came up at 08:12 and you mistyped your password the first time"
'How did you know that? - well, anyway, the things didn't come out of the printer so there is an issue with the system'
"No - everything would have come out of the printer if you had put paper in it, which you didn't and unplugging it and replugging it in again does not make paper grow"
'There was an issue with the printer so I had to reboot it'
"Yeah - a lack of fucking paper issue - with a big flashing message saying NO PAPER you muppet"
'But I checked the manual and it said....'
"What colour is it?"
'The printer?'
"No, the bloody manual"
'I don't know I've never seen it...'

*dial tone*

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