Inspiration courtesy of the Bromman - top bloke and Welsh too, innit....
(OOOO, it's a no swearing day !)
Airport security sucks!. Well, that's not entirely true. I know it's great and stops idiots from setting fire to planes and doing stupid things but, it's such a pain in the 'bit you sit down on'.
As I have to fly so much, for that crazy little thing called work, I'm used to putting up with the aggravation, but for blooming crikey's sake . Take your rings off, belt, shoes etc just to pass through the security check.
"Is that a laptop Sir?" - "No, it's a football"
"It doesn't look like a football" - "Hmm, doesn't bounce either"
"Can you turn it on Sir?" - "I could have, but then you FIXED it"
"I have to search you Sir" - "Why? and, stop tickling me"
"Are you nervous Sir?" - "No, just stop tickling me !!".
"Are you carrying any drugs?" - "Why? Have you run out?"
"Do you have any sharp items?" - "Apart from my wit? - oh yes, two wits, one woo - I'm an owl - see"
"I'm sorry Sir, you can't take that through" - "But I could buy the same thing over there, I did last week"
"Do you have any items of contraband?" - "No but I guess you have some really funky stuff in that cupboard"
"Ok Sir, have a nice day" - "I will do NOW"
*laughs heartily as he looks back at the queue of muppets without an ounce of deodorant between them*