miércoles, junio 06, 2007

Airport Security

Inspiration courtesy of the Bromman - top bloke and Welsh too, innit....

(OOOO, it's a no swearing day !)

Airport security sucks!. Well, that's not entirely true. I know it's great and stops idiots from setting fire to planes and doing stupid things but, it's such a pain in the 'bit you sit down on'.

As I have to fly so much, for that crazy little thing called work, I'm used to putting up with the aggravation, but for blooming crikey's sake . Take your rings off, belt, shoes etc just to pass through the security check.

"Is that a laptop Sir?" - "No, it's a football"

"It doesn't look like a football" - "Hmm, doesn't bounce either"

"Can you turn it on Sir?" - "I could have, but then you FIXED it"

"I have to search you Sir" - "Why? and, stop tickling me"

"Are you nervous Sir?" - "No, just stop tickling me !!".

"Are you carrying any drugs?" - "Why? Have you run out?"

"Do you have any sharp items?" - "Apart from my wit? - oh yes, two wits, one woo - I'm an owl - see"

"I'm sorry Sir, you can't take that through" - "But I could buy the same thing over there, I did last week"

"Do you have any items of contraband?" - "No but I guess you have some really funky stuff in that cupboard"

"Ok Sir, have a nice day" - "I will do NOW"

*laughs heartily as he looks back at the queue of muppets without an ounce of deodorant between them*

21 comentarios:

kimmyk dijo...

i hate taking off my shoes and walking on that floor where all those other shoeless people walked.

gross.

i love flying but i'm afraid.

hows come you fly so much?

SpanishGoth dijo...

"hows come you fly so much?"

Because the twats keep fucking up their computer systems

VOTE FOR GOTH OUT

Drama Queen dijo...

Last time I flew into Brussels I arrived with my laptop which had died as I couldn't charge it in UK as I forgot the adaptor for UK power point. Bringing it back to Brussels the security guards asked me to turn it on to prove it was a *real* laptop. I meant what did they think it was, a bomb? Great idea lets turn this bomb on right now at the security point.

ps it was in Charleroi. Nuff said.

pps Vote for Goth to stay IN!!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Chareloi is not Bruxelles you cheapskate - and it fucking sucks. Oh, and do NOT vote to keep me in thankyou XXX

phoenix dijo...

And not allowed to be frisked by a security guard of the opposite sex,whats the problem with that?;-D (only bothered if he's cute of course)

Drama Queen dijo...

Yeah I know it ISN'T Brussels but RyanAir bill it that way!!!! Also it was with work, I wasn't paying you radge!!

Anyway, I see my cause is too late it looks like you are leaving the BB house. . .

SpanishGoth dijo...

Phoenix -> I'll frisk you if you want

DQ -> It's classed as Bruxelles Midi but to me, it's south of hell

Brom dijo...

"I'm an Owl" indeed... get outta here.

At least my altercation was not as bad as a stupid English twerp at Amsterdam one day who could not see why he was not being allowed to keep the replica gun in his carry-on. The police were nearly in hysterics.

Thanks for the ref. Oh and you ARE staying in the house boyo, sorry, We need some entertainment over there.

Tippler dijo...

This Big Blogger thing - looks like we'll both be out on our arses.

It's a fookin conspiracy, is what it is. All them locals against the expats.

Fook em, say I.

But I still wanna shag the ginger one...

SpanishGoth dijo...

Brom -> You vote for me and I will tell everyone about your little secret

Tippler -> Both on our arses? Yikes. Sounds like a band to me

Chopski dijo...

I'm not afraid of flying, it's the crashing that scares me shitless!
Are you saying you don't want to stay in the house but really do, so people (being nasty) keep you in thinking you want to be out?
I hope you understand that! I wrote it and haven't got a fucking clue!!

Drama Queen dijo...

Oh no you are winning the poll to get kicked out. And T's right behind you. What are you boys doing wrong?

Mr. X dijo...

Might be something to do with the devestating force of their personalities.

Either that, or the drunken profanity.

Naw, let's vote to keep him in, it'll be more fun later on...

Cream dijo...

"Are you carrying any liquids, sir?"

"No, but I could always take the piss if you want..."

zoe dijo...

my last plane journey was so bad due to a bad back that the air hostess gave me a rather large glass of whiskey to help numb the pain.

it almost knocked me out.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Chopski -> yeah

DQ -> Voting for oneself helps

Mr X -> profanity? Fuck off

Cream -> hee hee - like it

Zoe -> Almost? Fucking amateurs

Elaine dijo...

terrific come backs. i'd love to try a few next time i fly.

Hill dijo...

Oh, and to be an airport screener, the IQ requirement seems to be around 80 or so. Last time I flew I get felt up by a pimply-faced screener that looked to be around 19. Sick bastards getting off on feeling up a grandma.
Pricks.

PI dijo...

What really gets my goat is when they confiscate expensive cuticle scissors and tweezers which, inadvertantly I have forgotten to pack in suitcase. Such a bore!
PS Now now! You know you are not allowed to discuss nominations!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Elaine -> Be wary, what's god for the Goth doesn't always fly

Hill -> hate pervs - wankers

Pat -> I didn't discuss nomiations - it was another....

SpanishGoth dijo...

This Portuguese keyboard keeps missing letters - ....