lunes, junio 18, 2007

Blow Jobs

*Note - wouldn't know, never done it but I'm improvising here*

I would think that a blow job seems like a jolly good idea - from what I've been told by recipients of one, or two. Except for the practicality thing. It was explained to me that it involves putting a man's penis in your mouth and.. well, sucking, not blowing. For Goth's sake - blowing would be plain silly. His face would go red, he would mutter something about god and float off, a bit like a balloon really.

So, why isn't it called a Suck Job? If aliens landed on this planet and the first ones to greet them were men, and then the men asked for a blow job and the aliens did, the men would be pretty pissed off when it didn't happen quite as they thought. Or, maybe, thought has nothing to do with blow jobs at all.

I have been offered 'blow jobs' on countless occassions but always declined saying "Nope, that's some shit you can keep right there". I mean, what idiot would put his precious in a hole full of sharp teeth that could bite it off???

But, apparently, it's really popular. Why? I don't know - perhaps it's the risk factor.

And then, apparently, there is this argument about 'spit or swallow'? What's that about? - we were making balloons you silly person.

This is probably why I became a lesbian in the first place - licking pussy, now that's something I do know.

*Nice cat - come here....no, a little closer 'hofdisafbhdhf'*

OOOOO Balloons :-)

23 comentarios:

Tippler dijo...

Well that's odd. Given that I like licking pussies too, then presumably I'm a lesbian.

Don't fancy you much, though, mate

SpanishGoth dijo...

We could be the Lesbian Squad? You wear the dodgy leather jacket, I wear the leather trousers and you get to say "Alright mate, I'll lick it from here" in a 70's bravado sort of way...

MKWM dijo...

Was googling "to blow a kiss" and it got me here.
There are so many phrasal verbs and idioms with "blow". You native speakers think about it...

SpanishGoth dijo...

Are you sure you didn't google 'to blow a chris...'??

SpanishGoth dijo...

HOOFUCKING RAY

If you Google 'BLOW JOB' - I'm number one in the list. Read it and weep baby

GOTH is god, or good or something like that

Princess of the Universe dijo...

I am SO sending a copy of this post to everyone I know- including my ex-boyfriends...

Congratulations on coming out of the closet Goth! I support you and Tippler in your lesbian lifestyles...

zoe dijo...

there is always the Windy Tunnel variety - you forgot to mention those.

Drama Queen dijo...

Really you don't like BJs? Someone is doing them wrong!!

And no that wasn't an offer.

DQ XX

kissme dijo...

And 5th when you google 'fuck off google freaks'.

I've never seen the attraction of a blow job either, and I have bitten my pussy but never licked it

Hill dijo...

Oh, please, you are soooooooooo LYING!! I have NEVER heard of a man turning down a SUCK JOB. NEVER!!!

Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Chopski dijo...

The practice of fellatio was said to have been introduced by the women of Lesbos, who were said to whiten their lips as though with semen.
Therefore it was origionally known as a lesbo job! It's name evolved when, as men were watching were heard to say 'That's a bit of a blow!'
I know this is all fact because a bloke down the pub told me!

Honey dijo...

I have a friend... no REALLY it is a friend, not me.. she was well ahead of me experimenting at school sexually. I was at the holding hands stage of true life, and she was at the just about to offer her first blow job stage.. which she did.

Except she blew.

apparently he yanked her off yelling and then fell apart laughing.. poor gal she was mortified. But, being a true friend she told me all which is where I learnt third hand to suck and not blow.

Honey dijo...

ugh smelling pisstakes: read true love not true life... sigh

Drama Queen dijo...

i just realised i lost the queen lover status. . .aw sad DQ

Princess of the Universe dijo...

But he listed you twice DQ! That's gotta count for something...poor little princess isn't linked up at all! :(

SpanishGoth dijo...

That is so fucking odd. Nearly all the reactions have been from women. Form an orderly queue now...

SpanishGoth dijo...

Princess -> Not really a lesbian, my Gothic butt is far too cute and furry

Zed -> Windy tunnel? yikes

DQ -> I don't like BJ's? Get real you silly woman

Kiss me -> I would have thought you would loved.....

Hill -> that's what I need, groupies with attitude

Chopski -> told you or showed you?

Honey -> your friend count increased - include me please

DQ & Princess -> for fucks sake, I'll fix it - nobody reads this shite anyway

Brom dijo...

Oh Zoe! Windy Tunnel... my arse!

zoe dijo...

brom - you have obviously never experienced one, i see. and what about the Hot and Cold jobs ?

Elaine dijo...

Thank you. That was totally great. I'll be back.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Brom -> you and wind. What is it man?

Zed -> and you have experienced one? *looks over shoulder in a worried fashion*

Elaine -> If only all earth girls were that easy ;-)

phoenix dijo...

You are sooooo missing out, either that or I'm with Hill and you're the biggest fibber on the planet! technique,technique,technique is all I'll say.

SpanishGoth dijo...

I am not a fibber, I can be economical with the truth - comes from being married.

Give and thou shalt receive - it's why I'm so good at....