sábado, junio 02, 2007

So, You're a TV Producer?

Assuming that you had shit loads of money, probably little talent, but an incredible notion for what the public would like..... you come up with an idea for a TV show. Not just a one-off though, a whole series of the same. Come on ladies, gentlemen and the others - pitch it to me. Tell me why your TV show should work.

You've got a lot of leeway on this. Think about the competition. Just think of some of the incredibly shit ideas that already made it onto TV.

  • Well, it's like on a beach right, and it's about lifeguards, and they save peoples lives - aw fuck it, just think of the tits bouncing up and down in slow motion
  • So there's this team like, and they're on the run but always help people by building tanks from, any shit that's hanging around and, yeah, I love it when a plan comes together
  • The dude can time travel, in a box, but then these upside down cans with weird erections chase him, except they can't go upstairs, cos they don't have legs, but they're really scary, oh and he has a scarf, cos you always need one of those right?
  • Ok, we have an animal park and we just turn the cameras on and then the animals do things, like living, or perhaps dying - but that's the beauty see, you never know what might happen, apart from when they sleep - ooooh, just thought, they might snore or anything
  • It's all about a street where people live, but they're never happy and things happen like, well I dunno, stuff, but then, well....., some other stuff happens and they make a cup of tea, and swear cos everyone swears when they make tea right?
  • Picture the scene, there's a boat, and, well it floats and stuff, in a dreamy way, and then people come together and fall in love, cos you would if you were on a boat, unless you saw an iceberg and then you'd think, well why didn't that fucker at the front warn us?


Come on, you can do better than this - pitch it to me

(and no smart arse should mention anything about being locked in a house thankyou)

13 comentarios:

Rebecca dijo...

You are seriously funny and I don't think you are trying to be. So cute!!!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Ha - think so? look at my cute furry arse....

ooops

zoe dijo...

well, there's this pub, right ? and loadsa expat brits go there, right ? and they like get really pissed and some tend to fall over and do silly things, right ? like show their tits an' stuff.

how's that for a dumb start.

londongirl dijo...

"How clean is your u-boat?"

Mr. X dijo...

Ere, where's that brilliantly witty post we put up at 9 this morning? Are we considered spam now or what?

oh well, let's try again...

There's these two, no, three dolly birds that swan around, talking to a disembodied voice (saves hiring a REAL actor), and take the pee out of a fat dolt that hangs around oggling their backsides while they solve stupid crimes my granny could manage.
And they wear very tight clothes and bend over a lot.

Yeah, the teenage boys will watch that, won't they?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Z -> the 'tits out' thing was what made me leave....

LG -> about as clean as my U-bend

Mr X -> No, We just fucked up. I never delete anything... I like cookies ;-)

Edvard Moonke dijo...

here's my idea: a house, rather like the big brother house. the housemates could be voted into the house by a public phone-in where they could choose from bellicose world leaders to convicted child killers. during their stay, no food would be provided, only water and a selection of weapons: commando knives, shotguns, chainsaws. hundreds of cameras equiped with Super-Slowmo to ensure that none of the action is lost. Last man or woman to evade being slaughtered and eaten is crowned Cannibal King at the end whereupon the house is immediately napalmed, followed by a fireworks display. Who wouldn't tune in to watch that?

The Aunt dijo...

I like Moonke's idea. But let's get a lot more of 'em, say, 700-odd large-ego self-publicists from lots of different nationalities, and put them in a big glass building, and occasionally give them something to debate about, which sorts out unemployment among translators and whatnot, and film it, and that's a whole TV channel sorted, and then you could let them think that whatever they decide makes a blind ha'porth of difference.

Well I think it would be highly entertaining.

londongirl dijo...

Seriously. It could be a programme. No?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Nice idea Mr Monk - should I reserve cartridges or will you be bringing your own

Aunty M -> you naughty minx

LG -> might be called the Commission then...

JolietJake dijo...

there's a kebab shop where lot's of pisshead teenagers turn up and abuse the staff, still expecting to be served properly.

The staff lace the kebabs with bodily fluids or poisons. The substances are in named in alphabetical order, this week it begins with "A", next week "B" etc. So, each week there's a phone-in to guess whats going in the kebab, guess how many twats die screaming and the winner gets a prize linked to the number of dead twats.

For example, this week I'm guessing "the Kebab will be laced with ArsePickings and 4 twats will die screaming", "You've just won a four slot toaster!"

Mr Farty dijo...

Monkey Tennis!

So it's not original, I'm on holiday, f*ck off.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Perhaps we could merge the ideas and have...

MONKEY KEBABS

and have teenage kickings all through the night?