viernes, junio 15, 2007

A Viking Funeral

Yet, another sterling example of the totally whacko ideas that my mind can come up with after a few drinks. They always seem quite brilliant at the time, and can often be so funny they can reduce grown people to tears (not always of joy admittedly).

Following on from my post on Big Blogger 2007, here is the tale of the demise and funeral of my pet rabbit, Tufty.

So, one morning, I went out to feed the rabbit and find that to be a quite pointless task. He is no more, an ex-rabbit or put more simply he is dead. I decided to postpone the disposal of the body as I had prior arrangements to meet some friends for a drink or seven. Fortunately, the town where I was living was quite small but, for some bizarre reason had eleven pubs. Plenty for a comfortable pub crawl.

I met with the guys at the arranged first, and having been greeted by the usual "Alright S" was then asked why I was looking so glum. I explained about the rabbit and they listened in silence. One of the guys, who is nearly as mental as I am then stunned everyone, especially the little old dears, who were eating their lunch, by standing up on the table and shouting at the top of his voice - "ALRIGHT EVERYONE - SHUT THE FUCK UP" - a silence fell across the pub and everyone turned to see what the commotion was.

"A toast to Tufty - the greatest rabbit to have lived !!".

Madness like this is easy to get caught up in so we all stood and chorused "TO TUFTY" and clinked our glasses together. The rest of the lunchtime was spent discussing ways to give Tufty a fitting send off. They ranged from the lunatic, tying him to a large firework, to the pitifully boring little burial. I dismissed them all, he was still my rabbit in memory and it had to be fitting.

Several pints later I had a brainwave. "I know" I said "It needs to be a Viking funeral". I then had to explain the process of building a funeral pyre and setting it to sea, sending a warrior to Valhalla. There is a river that runs through the centre of town and that would suffice as a pathway to Bunnyhalla. There was silence as the guys paused to register this which was eventually broken by "That is fucking brilliant".

It started to get more complex because as we moved from pub to pub, the tale of the Viking Funeral was getting there before us. More and more people came up and wanted to know what time would it be, what should they bring etc. As more and more drinks flowed, my plan became more elaborate. I would need some people to light candles on either side of the river to guide the way. It would have to be at midnight, I would have to be on my own to launch him.

After closing time I went home thinking everyone would have forgotten about this. Nope. 11.45 pm and there's a knock on my door. "S, you're not gonna believe this but there's about 50 people there already" - "Oh Fuck" I replied. I hastily went outside and fashioned a raft from the now useless hutch, grabbed a can of petrol and placing Tufty's by now, stiff little body on the raft walked to the river. As I looked downstream I could see the candles lining the bank and people milling about on the bridge.

Too late to back out now I thought. I doused petrol on the raft, a little too much I know but this was not something I'd rehearsed. Placed the raft on the river and quickly threw a lit match on it. There was a large WOOF and flames shot about 5 foot high. However, Tufty began his journey down the river to Bunnyhalla, flanked by people raising cans of beer and toasting as he went by.

I'd like to think he's now kicking ass in Bunnyhalla having been imbued with the spirits of the Gods.

16 comentarios:

phoenix dijo...

Guinea pig halla doesn't quite have the same ring and may seriously disturb my mini me but I'm liking the idea when the furballs snuff it.Got a lovely stream with flowers lining the way,not quite sure that it ends up anywhere bar the local sewerage works though hmmmmm

zoe dijo...

how old were you when you decided to have a rabbit called 'tufty' ?

Drama Queen dijo...

#sob sob#

Rabbits stories? You've gone all Timbo on us. . .

Honey dijo...

fantastic ending to tragic beginning, and I urge you others to read Goth's latest post in Big Blogger first..

SpanishGoth dijo...

Phoenix -> Might make for a big bang ending

Zed -> As Honey says, read the Big Blogger one and you'll see I didn't name the rabbit

DQ -> No, not gone all Timbo - can't see him setting fire to things somehow

Honey -> It's why I tried to post the two

The Aunt dijo...

OK. In my family when we get our old people's ashes back from the crematorium in their highly insensitive labelled plastic mini-jerrycans, we creep down to the beach early in the morning and tip them into the sea. And float flowers away on them. Admittedly it's possibly illegal but since family members are all over the planet it makes sense to just walk down to the seaside anywhere to have a chat with Grandpa. As far as I'm concerned your rabbit's living with my ancients.

P.S. Went teary-eyed.

MKWM dijo...

I read the two posts: you didn't loose a friend, on the contrary, and the Viking Funeral was yet another of your truly brilliant ideas.

Laura dijo...

What a send off for the rabbit.
I had a small yet dignified gerbil graveyard in my parents back garden headstones and all. Having been very young and no imagination for naming animals, there was Jerry Gerbil, George Gerbil, Gerry Gerbil, Joey Gerbil (pre Ramones) etc.
Of course, the cats would dig up the soft earth and pee on them and/or gnaw their legs off.

Why I hate cats.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Aunty M -> Makes perfect sense to me and I don't see how it could be illegal

Minky -> Thanks, not sure if it was of my brilliant ideas but certainly the sort of thing that I can come up with

Laura -> Never much went with the idea of burial for that very reason - I like cats, well pussys anyway

Brom dijo...

Absolutely brilliant. I was trying to imagine all those people waiting outside your place. It's the stuff films are made of.

How do you make a rabbit sound like a dog... no sorry that was not nice.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Brom -> You know me, so you know this is just the sort of ludicrous idea I come up with....

(only in Wales eh?!)

The Wrath of Dawn dijo...

LOL @ Bunnyhalla.

A fitting ending for a bunny friend.

SusannahS dijo...

I miss my Sidney Bunny! I wonder if bunnies who weren't given Viking funerals get to go to Bunnyhalla?
Oooh--did anyone read the Bunnicula books by James Howe when they were little? The adventures of a cute little (alleged) vampire bunny.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Wrath -> Welcome to GothWorld - I thought so, well my friend Jack Daniels was telling me it was a superb idea

Sussanah -> They have Vampire Bunnies? That would explain the teeth thing then. But how would you kill them? Carrot through the heart?

kissme dijo...

I used to be a member of the Tufty Club - does this mean we're related?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Kiss Me Tufty - sounds like a yorkshire porn star