So, whilst perusing some nature programme the other night on TV, I was surprised to learn that a Rhino's penis has the most amazing ability. It can open up a bit like an umbrella. Apparently, this is to stop it from sliding out of the female whilst mating.
I'm not surprised the fuckers are endangered. I mean, assuming a Rhino gets an unwanted erection when he sees a 'pretty' female, he's going to look pretty stupid. "Ooh is that an umbrella or are you just pleased to see me?".
Now the thing is, logically, if nature has developed this mutation of the penile appendage, it means that the male Rhino is naturally crap at foreplay. I mean, if you put your todger into a female and she attempts to make a run for it, you're not doing everything quite right.
I know that if I were to get around to losing my virginity, I would not expect the chosen one to attempt to make a run for the hills.
I suppose 'giving head' is also out of the question for a Rhino which is a bit sad really as you have a natural dildo superglued to the end of your nose.
Powdered Rhino horn is also one of most powerful aphrodisiacs known. Nature can be cruel - a horny nose you can't do a thing with and a dick that turns into a party mushroom.
I'll stick to being a Goth I think.