sábado, junio 09, 2007

Crucify a Nun Day

Yes. It's my new campaign. Crucify a nun and make the world a better place. I have decided to act against the evil penguins for a number of reasons - I would point out that not all nuns are bad but the gobshite ones do need correcting

1) Telling young ones that a sibling died for doing wrong and thus punished by god is sheer evil !!

2) Celibacy is ok if that's what you want but shagging candles still counts as penetration.

3) Wearing stupid outfits is also ok, but not every fucking day. And who the fuck called it a winpole?

4) Devoting 40 years to reading the bible is idiotic. If you can't read that fast stick to Winnie the Pooh (with pictures).

5) Religion is a personal choice not something you beat into vulnerable people.

6) Berating young women for getting pregnant outside of wedlock is not big and not clever. I very much doubt they intended it to happen. Shit just happens sometimes.

7) Just because you have decided that life sucks does not give you the divine right to correct everyone elses.

So, my campaign begins. I intend to have Nun-Bars installed on the front of my 4x4 which will have really big spikes on them. I will then be touring round any religious buildings creating my own Nun-Kebab. I shall also be touring round in a Witchfinder General fashion creating bonfires on my way. Kind of like a Spanish Inquisition but with more purpose.

If you have any more tales about evil penguins, sorry, nuns, please feel free to share. The more ammunition I have before the god squad arrive, the better chance I have of inserting the crucifix of death before they notice.

SHAZAM

Another one bites the dust.

Any complaints about this material can be directed to the complaints department which is...oh dear, it's closed. Never mind eh?

18 comentarios:

PI dijo...

Come come now there have to be some good ones(although I agree the evil ones should get theirs down below,) think of Audrey (Hepburn) for one.

The Aunt dijo...

Now I'll take you on on jazz, but I don't know enough about nuns.

I met a bunch of Carmelites the other day though, they were hilarious!

zoe dijo...

i never told you that there's a convent within spitting distance from my house, did i ? Q keeps trying to lock me up in there but they won't have me for some bizarre reason. i always thought i was a pretty friendly sort of person.

strangely enough, we rarely see any penguins waddling around the streets.

Princess of the Universe dijo...

I think it's a "wimple" :P

I went to Catholic school for the first 5 years of my scholastic life- odd thing since my family isn't Catholic.

I begged to be released after 5 years, not because of the nuns- they were actually quite lovely, but because the students were so snobby and mean...

And so ends the princess's experience with nuns. I got nothing else for you...

Cream dijo...

I saw a young woman trying to get pregnant outside the pub last Saturday night.
She sounded very spiritual. She was screaming "Oh my God!"

But a policewoman stopped her getting too pregnant.
She must've been a nun in disguise...

Chopski dijo...

What's black and white and red and has trouble getting through a revolving door?


A nun with a spear through her head!

SusannahS dijo...

Dude, you ROCK!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Pat -> I did say they're not all bad - Robbie Coltrane was a nice nun

Aunty M -> Don't like Camelites, I'll stick to Marlboro lights

Zed -> no penguins? You're not smoking for jesus

Princess -> was a deliberate mispell but no stories about nuns? tut tut

Cream -> can you get semi-pregnant?

Chopski -> LOL - that'll be the Spear of Destiny then

Sus -> you inspire, I deliver

Rebecca dijo...

Is that really your photograph on the sidebar?

I know that has nothing to do with the nun post but oh well...

Dip-Dop-Crabtree dijo...

First of all, I wish you the hello! to three seals checkmate?? Not Very Catholic at last!! The alone flock of nonnes!excusez me, I resume ...Il was once ...ou a foi,je doubts?? Friend reader, will not displease you
Si, sursoyant ma principale histoire,
Par ce que fit tout un troupeau de nonnes,
Qu'ouailles sont la plupart des personnes:
Qu'il en passe une, il en passera cent;
Tant sur les gens est l'exemple puissant.
Je le répète, et dis, vaille que vaille,
De ses brebis à peine la première
A fait le saut, qu'il suit une autre soeur.
Une troisième entre dans la carrière.
Nulle ne veut demeurer en arrière.
Presse se met pour n'être la dernière
Qui ferait voir son zèle et sa ferveur
A mère abbesse. Il n'est aucune ouaille
Qui ne s'y jette; ainsi que les moutons !
Qu'un seul mouton se jette en la rivière,
Vous ne verrez nulle âme moutonnière
Rester au bord, tous se noieront à tas.
Le monde n'est que franche moutonnaille.

kimmyk dijo...

My mom was going to be a nun. She took her vow of silence even....but obviously the wild child in her won out because viola! here I am.

I went to a Catholic school growing up and the nuns there were funny and had a sense of humor. The head nun she didn't. She was mean. Sister Mary Theresa. Mean ole woman. Wonder if she's living across the pond these days? IF so, put her on your list. [I'm just kidding. I'm probably going to hell for saying that now...great]

SpanishGoth dijo...

Rebecca -> No, but it does look a lot like me

Dip-dop -> Hola amigo. A flock of nonnes? Hee hee - bigger kebabs

Kimmy -> A very musical tilt at French... and hell is fine, although the ice in the drinks melts a bit fast

Hill dijo...

Goth, shagging a candle?
ROTFLMAO!

Dip-Dop-Crabtree dijo...

Hmmm oh yes!
Good appetite to monseigneur

# Apéritifs: Saint-Raphael,

# Entries : Aumônière de St-Jacques ,Un chapelet de saucisses,

# Flat : Thon grillé à la sauce vierge, Jésus cuit, Cheveux d'ange, Oreille de Christ , Saint-Jacques au beurre blanc,

# Salad : Couronne de Moine ,

# Cheese : Saint-Nectaire ,Saint-Paulin ,Pont-L'Évêque ,Caprice des Dieux ,Tête de Moine ,

# Dessert : Religieuse au chocolat ,Pets de Nonnes , Saint-Honoré ,Galettes St Michel ,Poires de Curé ,Figues "couilles du Pape" ,Brioche du Curé de Sarlat ,

# Wines : Châteauneuf du Pape ,Lacrima Cristi ,Saint-Émilion ,Vieux Pape ,

# Beers : Abbaye de la Moinette ,Judas ,Lucifer ,Sanctus ,St. Benoît,

# (coffee, push coffee, liquors): Bénédictine , Chartreuse , Mirabelle du Seigneur,


without forgetting the "bigger kebabs of nuns" of El Gothico

SpanishGoth dijo...

Hill -> sorry, hope you didn't wet your knickers

Dip-dop -> top menu Sir. But, you left off:-

Nun in Cider
Roasted Breast of Nun
Nun a flambe
Stuffed Nun
Nun poached in a vat of acid

et le gratuis,

Nun Cocktail

japanesewhispers dijo...

Fabulous idea! How about a "Crucify a Dirty Beast day"?

JolietJake dijo...

Nuns? I'm a heathen so they're all women to me, that's why I keep a candle in my pocket.

Make Love not Kebab maan!

SpanishGoth dijo...

JW -> Crucify a what? Sounds too easy

JJ -> Aw, and I just thought you were pleased to see me ;-)