Goth Goes to Church

Yes, you read it right - the Goth went to church. Not to confess his sins and not to burn it down. He did so as it was a family occassion where the beautiful little one was taking first communion. Now obviously, I'm not exactly a fan of churches or religion in general (as you may have gathered) but, it was not about me.

So after a reasonably stress free flight - welcome to Lisbon, Portugal. That's where you have to be for one of these events - if you want it all in Portuguese. Not sure it makes a whole lot of difference as I have no intention of listening to a priest in the first place but, I'm nice - if I want to be.

Thus we all bundle into the very old church and take our seats. "Do you want me to translate?" asks mummy bear. "Not worth the effort" I reply "But you can point out when the pope appears on that little balcony. I know he likes to feed pigeons - I've seen it on TV".

Before the priest bloke can say a word, Mary, Mungo and Midge start playing. One acoustic guitar, 5 singers all with microphones and not one of them seems to know 'Smoke on the Water' - tossers. Anyway, the entire congregation stand up. Why? I don't bloody know but when they finish everyone sits down again. The priest starts burbling on about something that probably includes jesus and heaven and trees - Boof - we all have to stand up again.

For over half an hour, this religious exercise class with crap music continues. It's like being stuck in a cage with psychotic meerkats. Up, down, up, down. The little old dear next to me has clearly lost the plot and doesn't know if she's supposed to be up, down or upside down so she just gives up and kneels in a praying type fashion.

'You and me both' I think, praying this music will end. But it doesn't. The priest wants a drink so out comes his special chalice. It's almost a 'You have a sip, I'll have a sip' thing - except that he's gulping - big time. Meanwhile, a few rows ahead of me, a small child is trying to ensure his toy caterpillar has a proper view of what's going on. Which is nice but, he obviously has no concept of gravity yet and so the caterpillar keeps twatting the person in front of him as it fails again to become erect.

I'd have laughed out loud but that would be unseemly and so I was busy concentrating on being good when they sprung the big surprise on me. Not content with being meerkats on acid, the final part is that they want to have a group hug - the whole bloody church. You have got to be kidding me. Oh no - they are serious about it !!!

I got outside, took out a cigarette and waited to be struck by lightning. Didn't happen and so I had to ask for a light.

However, all in all, I had a wonderful day, with lovely people and really enjoyed it. Mariposa was/is happy so that is cool also. Most importantly, the angel for whose day we had gathered appeared really happy.

Religious aerobics though? - that is some shit you can keep.....