viernes, junio 08, 2007

Goth Goes to Church

Yes, you read it right - the Goth went to church. Not to confess his sins and not to burn it down. He did so as it was a family occassion where the beautiful little one was taking first communion. Now obviously, I'm not exactly a fan of churches or religion in general (as you may have gathered) but, it was not about me.

So after a reasonably stress free flight - welcome to Lisbon, Portugal. That's where you have to be for one of these events - if you want it all in Portuguese. Not sure it makes a whole lot of difference as I have no intention of listening to a priest in the first place but, I'm nice - if I want to be.

Thus we all bundle into the very old church and take our seats. "Do you want me to translate?" asks mummy bear. "Not worth the effort" I reply "But you can point out when the pope appears on that little balcony. I know he likes to feed pigeons - I've seen it on TV".

Before the priest bloke can say a word, Mary, Mungo and Midge start playing. One acoustic guitar, 5 singers all with microphones and not one of them seems to know 'Smoke on the Water' - tossers. Anyway, the entire congregation stand up. Why? I don't bloody know but when they finish everyone sits down again. The priest starts burbling on about something that probably includes jesus and heaven and trees - Boof - we all have to stand up again.

For over half an hour, this religious exercise class with crap music continues. It's like being stuck in a cage with psychotic meerkats. Up, down, up, down. The little old dear next to me has clearly lost the plot and doesn't know if she's supposed to be up, down or upside down so she just gives up and kneels in a praying type fashion.

'You and me both' I think, praying this music will end. But it doesn't. The priest wants a drink so out comes his special chalice. It's almost a 'You have a sip, I'll have a sip' thing - except that he's gulping - big time. Meanwhile, a few rows ahead of me, a small child is trying to ensure his toy caterpillar has a proper view of what's going on. Which is nice but, he obviously has no concept of gravity yet and so the caterpillar keeps twatting the person in front of him as it fails again to become erect.

I'd have laughed out loud but that would be unseemly and so I was busy concentrating on being good when they sprung the big surprise on me. Not content with being meerkats on acid, the final part is that they want to have a group hug - the whole bloody church. You have got to be kidding me. Oh no - they are serious about it !!!

I got outside, took out a cigarette and waited to be struck by lightning. Didn't happen and so I had to ask for a light.

However, all in all, I had a wonderful day, with lovely people and really enjoyed it. Mariposa was/is happy so that is cool also. Most importantly, the angel for whose day we had gathered appeared really happy.

Religious aerobics though? - that is some shit you can keep.....

17 comentarios:

kimmyk dijo...

I was raised in the Catholic Church and that's just one thing I don't get. The stand up sit down kneel shake your neighbors hand and do se do.

Oh I don't get it. But the churches sure are beautiful aren't they? Peaceful.

zoe dijo...

sounds like you went to some gig of some sorts and were po-going throughout it. was head-butting involved as well ?

Gorilla Bananas dijo...

I would have hugged at the end, we primates are always doing it. If you only hug when you have sex, you develop phobias about touching people because you're scared of getting an erection.

Tippler dijo...

'Scared of getting an erection'?

I'm more scared of NOT getting an erection.

Haven't met the missus, have you GB?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Kimmy -> What a sad tale...raised in a church? Poor child

Zed -> No po-go's and deffo no head butting

GB -> Scared of getting an erection? They have counsellors for that (even in the jungle)

Tipp -> Fancy you picking up on that ;-)

Cream dijo...

You mean you weren't allowed to smoke inside?

Brom dijo...

I'm sure I read somewhere that lightning strikes first from the ground in a sort of pre-strike for the main event that does come down from above.

This kinda opens up a bit of a dilemma for the instigator of such an event and where exactly is he?

You had a good time, that's the main thing mate.

Brom dijo...

I think the pre-strikes are called leaders... hmmm, now that is also interesting.

SusannahS dijo...

My mother enrolled me in Catholic school when I was 11. Prior to this, we had simply gone to whatever church was *in* at the moment...so I had a eclectic idea of church. Suddenly, I was being taught by nuns and going to Mass twice a week and I was expected to participate--not just the kneeling/standing/sitting parts, but we were supposed to read scriptures IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CHURCH!
I'm still scarred emotionally by the experience.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Cream -> No, but I wanted to. I so wanted to 'smoke' the priest

Brom -> for physics, yes it goes up but physics just took me down - had fun with the camera too (not because I wanted the pics but because the flash kept putting the priest off)

"Dearly beloved" *FLASH* "gah, we are gathered here" *FLASH* etc

Susannahs -> 'taught by nuns'? evil penguins, that's what they are.

SusannahS dijo...

Evil penguins from hell is what they are. After my older brother died when I was in 7th grade, one of the evil penguins told me he must have done something bad for God to punish him like that.
Yeah, I don't believe in organized religion anymore.

Scouse Doris dijo...

Was it really you or one of the lookilikees?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Sus -> Evil Penguins suitably found on Goth target-scope

Doris -> Don't know as I can't keep track of all of them - like a mini Gothic Army...

bananas62 dijo...

awesome that you did this for your family member! You left your opinion outside and supported the child. And see the roof didn't cave in and no one burst into flames.!!! all is good in the world!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Bananas -> One has to make sacrifices occassionally - I can do it....I can, I really can (that was me outside the church)

MKWM dijo...

Well done, Goth Master, you made some people happy, that's all what matters. Tell me you were not wearing that "when I'm God" T-shirt of yours...

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