Another Shit Plan, Perfectly Executed

It's a phrase I developed due to certain things that Mariposa managed to do but, as I have done far many more, it is only fair to illustrate the phrase with one of mine.

I'd been to a house party at a friends house who lived about 2 miles away. Copious amounts of Jack Daniels had been drunk, I had obviously accidentally 'passive smoked' some marijuana as I obviously wouldn't do that myself, but I do remember feeling slightly giggly for no apparent reason.

Time to go - I said my farewells and I left, feeling quite happy and ok, into the fresh air and OH SHIT - suddenly, I can't stand up. I grabbed for the nearest wall and hung on for dear life. After a while I decided that if I held onto the wall all the way home I would be ok. So, that's what I did. "Thanks for this Mr Wall" I mumbled to my new best friend "And I thought Pink Floyd were very harsh on you".

After some time, the urge overcame me - I needed a cigarette. However, to light this I needed to let go of the wall. Bad mistake. As soon as I did, lateral gravity took hold of me and I plunged sideways, cigarette in mouth, into the road landing on my side. There was a screech of tyres as a car came screaming to a halt inches from me. I looked to see what sort of car it was and muttered a silent 'Oh Fuck'.

The policewoman got out of the police car and asked if I was ok - "S'pose so" I mumbled. "What were you doing?" she asked. "Trying to light this" I burbled, holding up a decidely trashed cigarette. Then the conversation went severely downhill :-

PC ->"Where do you live?"
S ->"Not telling"
PC ->"Why not?"
S ->"Don't wanna"
PC ->"Right, get in the car"
S ->"It's no use trying to bribe me"
I relented eventually and told her..
PC ->"What are you going this way for?"
S ->"I have completely no fucking idea"

Apparently, I'd already walked a mile in the completely wrong direction. She put me in the car, took me home and waited patiently while I tried every trick I knew to get the key into the keyhole. As I lived alone, I couldn't just lean on the doorbell and wait, so benevolent PC Woman had to wait. Eventually, via the law of averages, I managed to open the door. I held onto the doorjamb and leant slightly backwards to give her the thumbs up.

I went straight to bed and crashed out. Now, the thing with long hair is it holds smells - big time. The following morning I woke up and my bedroom smelt like a thousand hippies had been there.

Poor PC Woman I thought, she must have returned the car at the end of her shift and been drug-tested. It must have bloody reeked of hash.

Oh well, another shit plan, perfectly executed.

*and yours are????*