jueves, mayo 15, 2008

My Dick Is Bigger Than Yours

A good enough reason not to attend a school reunion I think. Unfortunately though, the time came to face my least significant enemies in the world.

"Fucking hell Goth - is that really you?" shouted a voice from the past
"A distant possibility" I replied, paraphrasing as best I could
"My Dick Is Bigger Than Yours!!!" he yelled

"Oh good" I said, "Nothing really changed then"
"Remember that we called you 'peanut dick' as you would never join us in the showers"
"I recall most things perfectly well thankyou"
"Thing was - you never came in the showers with us..."
"There was problably a reason for that then"
"Yeah", he said swigging another beer "You prefered to be in the library"
"Stupid eh? Full of books and erudition" and I tried to walk away

*small pause in the pointless conversation*

"But, I can still write your name in the snow" he said with bravado
"Well, I'd love to reciprocate but 'Shithead' isn't that complex"

*shit-for-brains looks around*

"Haven't seen 'Billy Big Balls' have you - been dying to take the piss out of him?"
"Be an impressive trick" I replied. "He committed suicide after your little tosser-gang drove him over the edge"

*Another vacant pause*

"Yes - he is dead - and I was at the funeral - unlike you morons. On the bright side, I was intrigued when 'our' Games Teacher got convicted of child pornography."
"Mr 'X' was what?!?!?!"
"One of those weirdos? afraid so, but looking on the bright side, you did make it onto his video collection apparently"

Apparently, the library is a better place to learn than the showers......

11 comentarios:

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

Why doesn't anything like that happen to anyone I knew at school? My former classmates are all childminders in Sidcup, and my former teachers are in secure hospitals or convents.

john.g. dijo...

Nice school you went to Goth!

Mr Farty dijo...

They were a right bunch of sadists and thugs at my school, too. Both pupils and teachers. Grr!

Sewmouse dijo...

Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Bravo!

I've avoided every single class reunion - mostly because I can't imagine shelling out huge sums of money to have an evening out with people with whom I share ONLY the coincidence of receiving my education under the same roof(s).

I figure if any of them had anything in common with myself, I'd have bumped into them AT LEAST ONCE in the last 30+ years.

Scarlet dijo...

Bueno, esto fué extremamente interesante. :)

Brom dijo...

Ah the school reunion - been to one, an interesting experience including noting that most of the "in" crowd had all become a load of boring farts or lorry drivers!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Daphne -> Isn't a convent a secure vestibule?

JG -> It was an ok school, apart from the wankers

Mr Farty -> I had so much more fun at the Girlschool ;-)

Sewmouse -> I wanted to go about as much as having my head sewn to a carpet but, I needed a new "blues" song

Scarlet -> Gracias, mi chica, yo le soy complacido decidió visitar

Brom -> HA - you went to a better school than me then - most of my classmates had the excuse that they couldn't get leave from Her Majesties....

PI dijo...

There is a lot to be said for co-ed schools. All mine were.
Now you've been there done it and you don't ever have to do it again.

Honey dijo...

lol so it's true? I read that and wondered if you'd made it up, "what I'd do if i ever met those wankers again" in which case, it being true; you rock.

Grouch dijo...

Sometimes it feels like we never leave the school yard for better or worse haha...nice site!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Pat -> I prefer 'co-bed' schools myself but that's the lover in me

Honey -> true it is - you couldn't make this shit up

Grouch -> tx dude and welcome