Orc Transport

Alright - I've had enough of pissing around with The Bible. It's a crock of fucking shit anyway.

Back to more earthly ranting.

Public Transport - bastards!

Granted I don't like the muppets who fail spectacularly in their aim to follow a timetable. I mean, Jesus Bloody Christ - you came up with the shit timetable in the first place so why not keep to it? Unless of course it's just a great big joke - well, ha, bloody ha - it's not fucking funny.

That's not what incenses me the most though. What really, really, really winds me up is being stuck in a carriage of one of their metal underground caterpillars, surrounded by Orcs.

The great, unwashed of the world, who unite to occupy MY space without the common courtesy to purchase and use deodorant first. What is it about hygiene that these bastards don't understand? Surely the little cloud of flies hovering around their heads is a bit of a giveaway.

Apparently not. The 'garlic-munching gobshites' want to come and stand in MY carriage shouting into their mobile phones like volume will make the signal carry further.

Guess what ORCS? It's not big and it's not fucking clever!!

Therefore I have a choice. Buy a car and trash the environment or buy one of those big clown flowers that squirts water and fill it with perfume instead. Hee hee - spray the bastards!! "'Cos Orcses don't smell very nice, do they my love?!" as Gollum would say.

Unfortunately, wearing a big flower on my jacket is not a very Gothic image. I suppose I could walk onto the Metro with an accordian - that's usually a good way to empty the carriage.

Or else I could just go and buy a car?

Suggestions.........

Public Wanksport

So the theory is, let's save the planet by not driving cars, which get us from point A to point B roughly when we want to. Let's all use public transport and then lots of people can get nowhere that they want to be when they want to, without harming the environment.

I don't know what it is about public transport that is so shit, apart from the fact that it doesn't fucking work.

'Oh look a timetable' thinks the innocent bystander on the platform, not realising it is a way to divert attention from the fact that the bus/tram/metro that was supposed to appear does not.

How is that supposed to make me not want to drive an earth-killing automobile?

Why bring this up now? Because once again I got let down by the loonies in uniform. Buy a ticket and enjoy a free hour of transport. NO - buy a ticket and enjoy 59 minutes of doing fuck-all in a cold and windy station whilst waiting for your wanker who can't drive in a straight line when all he is has to do is press GO or STOP and occassionally OPEN DOORS or CLOSE DOORS.

Meanwhile, a bunch of tossers in a conference are drinking coffee laughing and saying :-

"Do you really think they'll believe that timetable shit, Quentin?"

"Probably not Tarquin, but have you seen the new retractable roof on my new Bentley?"

DIE YOU BASTARDS DIE - AND I HOPE A TRAIN CRUSHES YOUR POSH CAR YOU SANCTIMONIOUS WANKERS