Vote NOW America

Because you should

I had to bypass some shit, because I am 'Bob The Plumber' thus...

'Y'all have a decision to make'. It might not seem impotent but it is relevant.

Vote now.

You have THE choice Americans.

I know my opinion but, I'm silly enough to have a brain.

Have the fucking decency to turn up and express your opinion.

If you can't be arsed, fine, but don't ask me to listen to your moaning shit later.....

Belgian Bureacracy

For a country that's shit at most things apart from covering chips with mayonnaise, it does seem does have it's finger on the pulse of creating fucking stupid laws and then applying them in a most rigorous fashion.

Por ejemplo, and this is a true story....

I agreed to help someone move some rubbish from a store room to a communal waste disposal site. Easy enough. Get a van, load the crap up, drive it to the dump site, and dispose of loaded crap in appropriate containers.

BUT, to use the site, you need an identity card showing that you live in the 'commune' (admin region within Belgium). Simple enough. Borrow one from some doddering old git who can hardly walk, and hey junko !

Except, that the site will not except the card. The conversation then proceeded thus:-

"It's not you in the picture" exclaimed the nincompoop in charge of waste disposal.
"Of course it's not me, idiot, he's fucking 82 years old and can hardly walk - that's why I'm driving the truck and lifting things"
"But he has to be here"
"Why? He's busy being old and talking to his flowers, reminiscing, repeating himself and old-type stuff"
"But he has to be here"
"So, you're saying that I have to drag the fossil from his flower-bed just to prove he exists?"
"Yes - he has to be here"

Boll-fucking-ucks !!! *but off I drive, throw Grandpa Flintstone into the truck and return*

"See !!! He fucking exists"
"Ok - you have 3 minutes"
"3 minutes to what? Unload this whole fucking truck?"
"Yes, because then it's our lunch-time"
"But you're not helping me to unload it, so what bloody difference does it make?!"
"It's lunch time"
"I got that the first time you fucking retard, but what difference does it make if you're eating cheese and reading the paper whilst I'm doing the hard work?"
"Article 39a...."
"Oh shut the fuck up and put some mayo on your cheese - I'll be done soon enough"

Meanwhile, a little voice can be heard faintly, in the back (ground)
"I'm sure I planted some petunias here"

The Eurovision Shite Contest

Now I'm sure that there are many of you out there who love the Eurovision Non-Song Contest but I am not one of them. The thought of having to listen and watch, some warbling midget from Elbonia in a basque is just hateful. Tonight, the bastard competition is being held again. Hmmm. Won't be watching that then. Apparently, 120 million people are going to watch this banal shite. Bloody hell - get a life !!

Somebody asked me if I would be watching it - "No, I'd rather slide down a bannister made of razor blades using my bollocks for brakes". "That'll be a no then? - "No that'll be an - ask me such a stupid question again and I'll stab you in the eye with this pencil".

I nipped down to my local pub for a few beers and maybe a chat and gaaarrrgghh not only is the bastard programme on, it's on the huge screens reserved usually for sports. Now, if someone was attempting to assasinate the contestants as they pranced around in stupid outfits, singing bullshit in a multitude of languages - yeah, whack it on the big screen. Unfortunately not, not one single attempt to silence one of them as I hastily drank my pint and retreated to a safer place.

What is it that people enjoy about this crap? It's not music - not by my definition anyway. I'd rather listen to whales mating - at least they stay in tune ! And yet, for some reason, the same shit resurfaces every year like the floating turd that will not flush down the toilet of life.

Last year, the winners were some Klingons from Finland singing.....something, sort of. Of course it all gained credibility because a previously unknown band called Abba won the competition in 1974 with a cheerful ditty about a huge battle, in Belgium of all places. That they went on to sell squillions of records thereby proved the legitamacy of the competition. Righto - that will explain why Fucks Bizz were such a huge success after 1981's victory then.

Still, 120 million people will be watching this dirge tonight, cheering on their country like it makes a difference. Voting will commence and people will get scammed into thinking their telephone vote makes a difference. Meanwhile, lots of political manouvering will ensure that some shite country with something to offer it's 3 or 4 neighbours will win.

Next year I want a change. I want a vote on which shite act should get assasinetd first. Normally, it's nice people who get assasinated, think Martin Luther King, John Lennon, JFK etc. Let's do it democratically - instead of voting for who should be off the show, let's vote for who should be off the planet.

Now there's a thought.........

*wanders off to contemplate his vote*