sábado, mayo 12, 2007

The Eurovision Shite Contest

Now I'm sure that there are many of you out there who love the Eurovision Non-Song Contest but I am not one of them. The thought of having to listen and watch, some warbling midget from Elbonia in a basque is just hateful. Tonight, the bastard competition is being held again. Hmmm. Won't be watching that then. Apparently, 120 million people are going to watch this banal shite. Bloody hell - get a life !!

Somebody asked me if I would be watching it - "No, I'd rather slide down a bannister made of razor blades using my bollocks for brakes". "That'll be a no then? - "No that'll be an - ask me such a stupid question again and I'll stab you in the eye with this pencil".

I nipped down to my local pub for a few beers and maybe a chat and gaaarrrgghh not only is the bastard programme on, it's on the huge screens reserved usually for sports. Now, if someone was attempting to assasinate the contestants as they pranced around in stupid outfits, singing bullshit in a multitude of languages - yeah, whack it on the big screen. Unfortunately not, not one single attempt to silence one of them as I hastily drank my pint and retreated to a safer place.

What is it that people enjoy about this crap? It's not music - not by my definition anyway. I'd rather listen to whales mating - at least they stay in tune ! And yet, for some reason, the same shit resurfaces every year like the floating turd that will not flush down the toilet of life.

Last year, the winners were some Klingons from Finland singing.....something, sort of. Of course it all gained credibility because a previously unknown band called Abba won the competition in 1974 with a cheerful ditty about a huge battle, in Belgium of all places. That they went on to sell squillions of records thereby proved the legitamacy of the competition. Righto - that will explain why Fucks Bizz were such a huge success after 1981's victory then.

Still, 120 million people will be watching this dirge tonight, cheering on their country like it makes a difference. Voting will commence and people will get scammed into thinking their telephone vote makes a difference. Meanwhile, lots of political manouvering will ensure that some shite country with something to offer it's 3 or 4 neighbours will win.

Next year I want a change. I want a vote on which shite act should get assasinetd first. Normally, it's nice people who get assasinated, think Martin Luther King, John Lennon, JFK etc. Let's do it democratically - instead of voting for who should be off the show, let's vote for who should be off the planet.

Now there's a thought.........

*wanders off to contemplate his vote*

15 comentarios:

dip-dop-crabtree dijo...

120 million month 2, you and me!! One does not fight although for the causes that one models oneself even and with which ones one burns oneself while identifying itself.
It is necessary to blow on some glimmers to do good light.
Out the lights to the competition of l' Eurovision are only projectors!!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Indeed Dip-Dop but projectors only emphasise what should be small. 120 million people donating 1 euro each to save lives instead of watching something that makes my life hell....

Shaz dijo...

Is a proud Eurovision song contest avid fan, downloaded score cards, flags, food from the country of most entrants, 2 gay friends & hey presto a night of laughs. Don't take it so serious it can make for a fun night (every year!)

Daphne dijo...

You could try regarding it merely as a Political Guide to Europe, as all countries vote for the ones they most want to curry favour with. Which, this year, was no part of the British Isles, with Ireland last and the UK nearly last. Makes me proud to be British. Almost.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Shaz -> you almost want to make me feel gay. You can download what you wish, just don't ask me to fix the puter afterwards

Daphne -> I agree in part but, Scooch ... 33/1 to get 'nul point' now that's a reasonable bet

Rebecca dijo...

You seem cranky, Spanishgoth. I think you need a hug from Oklahoma, USA.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Honey, thanks for the hug but you need it more than I. I can think of far better places to shower your affection than me. However, I would like to recognise that you made the effort my love

besos y te quiero,

Gorilla Bananas dijo...

Tony Ferrino was the best winner of that competition. And he went on to have sex with over 3000 women.

Mr. X dijo...

Sorry all, but we think it's a pile of s**te as well.

Anything that pushes Dr.Who off the TV is worthy of severe criticism!

Oh, and the 'music' is crap as well. When was there a Goth entry on eurovomit, huh? We rest the case.

SpanishGoth dijo...

GB -> Wasn't Tony the guy from Saturday Night Fever?

Mr X -> I think any decent Goth would pluck their eyes out with a blunt hacksaw blade than enter the Euroshite comp

kimmyk dijo...

Is this like your version of our American Idol?? WOW. And it took over the big screen at the pub? Holy dyin'. I can see why you would be a tad pissy.

Shoulda shot the pub owner.

The Aunt dijo...

I didn't mind the song that won. I just object to how it won.

Email details for the directors of the Eurovision Song Contest are available on my blog.

dip-dop-crabtree dijo...

Vu sur le journal ;

Les Serbes qui gagnent je n’y Croate pas !!!Slave m’étonne ?

Two blond false ones, two false brown and Hardy without moustache!! And the as usual incapable French to be last, not far but again spoiled!

Vive la France
Et les joueurs d'accordéon
Vive les bals et les flonflons
Vive la France
Vive les pompiers et leur pin-pon

Shaz dijo...

The usual political voting & near bottom place but I'll still put myself through it all again next year x

SpanishGoth dijo...

Kimmy -> at least you have american idiot sewn up with Bush

The Aunt -> bit formal aren't we? someone piss off with your twatting stick?

Dip-Dop -> Indeed, Fireman Sam should have won....

Shaz -> through the bottom, next year? Yikes *hides behind the sofa*