martes, mayo 22, 2007

Je Suis Un Rock Star

I'm not really, although you wouldn't know that by looking at me today. I look like I just played an all night session with Steven Tyler and Joe Perry (Aerosmith) back in the days when they were called the Toxic Twins. This is thanks directly to a couple of drinks with Joliet Jake last night which became more than a couple as we discussed the 'good old days' when we were in a band.

Obviously, we decided to form a new supergroup and so, be warned. Middle-aged metal may soon be raining down on your MP3.

Back to the reminiscing. We both had sordid tales to tell of our past lives as would be rock stars. Apparently, his bass player had a passing resemblance to Jabba the Hut in tight pants, my bass player was convinced he was Steve Harris (the bassist from Iron Maiden). Attempting to recreate Harris's posturing, one foot on the monitor whilst 'machine-gunning' the crowd with your bass guitar might work at Wembley Stadium. It does not fucking work in some dingy pub in Leicester when all you can put your foot on is a small bar stool.

JJ's drummer was naturally, for a drummer, utterly thick, whereas mine suffered from epilepsy. Yup, a drummer with epilepsy. How fucking rock n roll is that? How do you know if he's having a fit or just attempting a solo?

My lead guitarist was loved by all the women but painfully shy when he didn't have a guitar slung over his shoulders. So shy, he couldn't even ask a girl for a date - I had to do it for him. When we went into the studio I even wrote an acoustic love song which we recorded. He still didn't get the girl although her sister did become very erm, friendly, with me.

The conclusion was that my band took considerably more drugs than his. This was entirely due to my other guitarist, who I eventually sacked. I am neither pro or anti drugs but when you are trying to play a heavy rock gig to a few hundred people and the guitarist is burbling on about strawberries and floating elephants, it isn't going to work.

As the beer flowed, so did our determination to be in a band again. I know I can't recreate the days of yesteryear when, as the lead singer I received more offers of sex than you can imagine. However, I do miss the adrenaline rush just before the first song. We've sound-checked so we know how loud it's going to be but to see those expressions of fear appear on people's faces as we launch into the first song, followed by the change to bouncing, head-banging joy is something you don't get in many other walks of life.

The last gig I played was in The Cavern club in Liverpool, made famous by some little known group called the Beatles. So, planning is required. We have a date with Wembley Stadium and this time I am not supporting Oasis - bollocks, they can support us.

Now all we need is a name..... suggestions?

31 comentarios:

Elaine dijo...

Oh. Sorry. No suggestions for a name ... yet. Finally read your profile (by way of DQ) and have to congratulate you on your good taste. Especially about Aeon Flux. My son showed his Mom savvy by buying me the complete animated collection. I will check out the bands you mention. My brother is a drummer. But he prefers his other gig as a technology start-up king. Still, playing is playing is it not? btw, my brother is an excellent drummer. His band had problems keeping lead guitarists. Apparently they ended up being too good for the band. Dare I mention the singer he married? I guess so.

phoenix dijo...

My dad's 60, reformed his band 10years ago after getting very drunk at his 50th and deciding he hadn't fullfilled his destiny,and he's still rockin!Got a gig in Edinburgh next weekend,not as rock'n'roll as The Cavern but I love him for it nonetheless.
ps Why is it that all drummers in rock bands die weird accidental deaths?post suggestion maybe?

Brom dijo...

Name? Hmmm I'll have a think about that one.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Elaine -> Hi, that's only a short list of the bands I like. I think we may have a drummer but I'll know later

Phoenix -> I have a few ideas for names but I'll wait until we start jamming to decide for sure

Brom -> I await with baited breath ;-)

Hill dijo...

OK, here's my suggestion.
Manopause Metal

Oh, and at least you didn't look like *gag* Steve Perry. The horrors!

MKWM dijo...

It's not a name we await with baited breath but to enjoy your new band's first perfomance. JJ & Goth Master on stage... woohooo!!!

Timbo dijo...

The Goth Brothers?

Mr. X dijo...

Back in Black?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Hill -> Manopause? Cheeky madam - I'll have you know all our groupies will be between the ages of 16 and 24

Minky -> Could prove interesting - another excuse to wear the leather trousers

Timbo -> hmmm, but I don't fancy playing behind chicken wire while people throw stuff at us

Mr X -> I'm liking that one but I'm not wearing the schoolboy outfit

zoe dijo...

a name ? i can think of loads but none are very complimentary. give me another five minutes.

gddik dijo...

Being a native of Liverpool, I was just slightly too young to have witnessed the Fabs at the Cavern, but there was a brilliant, similarly subterranean club just up Matthew Street from the original cavern, called Eric's.

Saw loads of excellent bands there in the late 70's / early 80's - until it was closed down by the Council's licencing committee - bastards.

Did you ever make it to Eric's, SG?

Cream dijo...

Sorry, can't think of anything... Must be metal fatigue.

Brom dijo...

Ere we go, how about

The Llanffairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyndrobwyllllantisillio-go-go-goch'ers

See I can think, me.

Brom dijo...

wow I just read something... Minky in leather trousers... wow! I'm coming back.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Zoe -> all that time and you still can't think of anything nice..

Gddik -> Don't think so but I never really went out in Liverpool (except fot the time I got busted there, but that's another story)

Cream -> tut tut Sir, you're getting rusty

Brom -> Might have a problem with the T-shirts though - would have to shorten it to The LPG's

Brom dijo...

LPG, oh yes! so how about

"The Liquid Petroleum Gassers"

Peach dijo...

Listen rock god, if you need promoting, come talk to me (no joke)


Princess of the Universe dijo...

"Nous sommes les Rock Stars?"
"The Spanish Goths?"

Hmm, I don't think I'm very good at this...

Anónimo dijo...

All the beaters are epileptics!!Et a guitarist who tunes his guitar
does not have time to see the girls, if not it gets mixed up the
brushes, pète a cord and good-byes the note!!Ha! How they are good
these bloggeurs!!

*Blogart song*


I checked it is free!!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Brom -> you missed the obvious Lick Pussy Gang

Peach -> Thanks and it may well happen

Princess -> Was thinking a little less obvious like Dark Star

Dip-Dop -> indeed El Bateria was indeed epileptic, the guitarist couldn't have got laid in a brothel and I was....well, me

Hill dijo...

But I wanna be a groupie.

zoe dijo...

Cured Leather

there, that's nice and absolutely abismal.

Tippler dijo...

Eric's. Didn't Alison Moyet and her sidekick do an album called 'Upstairs at Erics'?

Anyway, back in the days when I sang in a rock band we had the only drummer in the world who could only count to three.

Made the Led Zep covers interesting, though.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Hill -> well I suppose I could make an exception - I'm sure it would be an education ;-)

Zoe -> Cured Leather? Like it

Tippler -> I believe they did (Yazoo I think).

Surprised you haven't started the drummer jokes yet e.g. What do you call someone who hangs round with a band? The drummer

Elaine dijo...

Was not suggesting bro for band. Just mentioning the connection. He's in northern Virginia so it would be a rather long commute for a weekend gig. Still no inspiration on the name ...

SpanishGoth dijo...

The names I have come up with so far are:-

Crystal Cages
Gothic Phantasy
Black Eyed Sprouts



JolietJake dijo...

No no no! Cream gave us the answer already "Metal Fatigue"

Love it!

PS. I know a drummer (I think I know a bass player too but age and alcohol... you know how it is with me)

JolietJake dijo...

It's not my blog but I'm going to reply to the comments for reasons too glaring to go into:

pheonix - a Def Leppard song? na

hill - Manopause has comedy potential, ta very much

timbo - "The Goth Brothers", good idea but I'm not a Goth.

Mr X - same comment as above. Although I only every wore black on stage, still not a goth

Zoe - give us the uncomplimentary names, this isn't Miss World, trust me you could be doing us a big favour.

cream - as I said, Metal Fatigue is the best yet

princess - thanks for having a go. Not patronising, I can't judge because I'm crap at this sort of thing. I'll do music but anything with words is beyond me.

thanks all, now I'll crawl back to my own little bit of ciderspace.

gddik dijo...

Eric's. Didn't Alison Moyet and her sidekick do an album called 'Upstairs at Erics'?

Quite3 possibly - not my tytpe of music, so I wasn't there for that one, bit was there for The Clash, Costello, Ian Dury, John Martyn, John Cooper Clarke, and many, many others...

gddik dijo...

duh, sorry 'bout the spelling in the last one.

Too pissed and pissed off after the footie to type accurately.

SpanishGoth dijo...

JJ -> Number One, my band ergo my idea. Stop being big, clever and pissed

*falls off stage laughing*

Gddik -> pissed is good, think Led Zeppelin, etc - ok, I ran out of fucking ideas on that one