jueves, mayo 03, 2007

La Iglesia de la Mentes Criminales

So, not impressed with the Crusades, the Spanish decided to go one better. None of this invading foreign lands as an excuse for killing people, oh no, why not just kill people who don't believe in said god anyway. I mean, fuck it, we don't even have to go any seek out muslims, the mother fuckers come to us. Thus, thanks to Ferdinand and Isabella (although I'm fairly sure she knew fuck all about it) in 1478 there began the Spanish Inquistion.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquistion !!!!!

The theory was simple enough thanks to Tomás de Torquemada Inquisidor General of Aragón, either you acknowledged the power of the catholic church or... well, you died. That would have been me fucked then. But, not satisfied with just pure death, the bit where you cease to live at the end of it, they decided to make it more interesting. I mean, what's the point in just throwing people in a pond - float and you're evil, drown and you're ok stuff? Bollocks, if we're going to torture people let's put the fear of god in them.

Thus was invented the garrucha, toca and the potro - bastards couldn't even keep it in Latin. So, the 'garrucha' was pulling peoples arms and their legs, in different directions using pulleys and weight, the 'toca' was stuffing stuff in your mouth and causing gagging (sounds familiar for some reason) and the 'potro' was a rack. All reasonable ways to get you down on your knees and kiss the popes ring.

First, the 'Edict of Grace' would be pronounced in a city. In typical fashion, Grace wasn't actually there to explain why - she'd probably pissed off down to the local Tapas bar. Anyway, the theory was that you said "I'm a sheep shagger and all my mates are too" and you named them all. Those named could not get out of it just by saying "But I don't even know the git" - nope, far too easy.

And, the reasons one could receive these tortures? Having sex without making a baby. Hmm, that'll be blow jobs out of the window then. Homosexuality and beastiality one would assume would also come under this category, which makes you wonder what the catholic priests did - appears through evidence to be part of their job description.

Anyway, all of this was ruled over by a little gang of arse bandits called The Suprema (previously known as the Chicken Suprema). These fuckwits 'met every morning, save for holidays, and for two hours in the afternoon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays' - oh, so slaughter is only part-time then? Didn't even know they had bingo back then but you can't beat winning a nice pair of fluffy slippers!!

So once again, shit loads of people die because some pontificating twat decides to use the bible to further their own end. I don't remember the bit in the bible where it said killing in the name of jesus was a good thing but then again, I've only read the highly edited version - the one that the catholic church approved. All of which goes to show, you can't beat organized religion - or, if you even try, they will pull you to pieces - literally.

Wonder why I detest it so much?!!!!

12 comentarios:

Cream dijo...

"Some pontificating twat decides to use the bible to further their own end."
There is a much easier method nowadays. It's called Painful Extension.

Love this post, Goth!

PI dijo...

That's funny Cream!
Forgive me if I'm wrong but I would have thought it was bestiality?

Drama Queen dijo...

But you told me that Blowjobs didn't count as sex. . .you said it wasn't cheating. . .

Mr. X dijo...

"No, no, not the comfy chair!"

SpanishGoth dijo...

Cream -> Painful Extension? Yikes.... no thanks but glad you liked it (the post that is)

Pat -> never thought I'd see the lovely Pi posting comments about bestiality - hope I don't get charged with leading one astray

DQ -> Thought we'd agreed it was a gift you chose to betow :)

Mr X -> surprised no-one else picked up on that (I put it in bold specially)

Cream dijo...

Someone I (don't) know was into Sadism, Necrophilia and Beastiality.
I always thought the poor guy was flogging a dead horse...

phoenix dijo...

nice to have you back on form, now where's all the zealots gone so we can watch the bloodbath of words ensue??
*love you*:-)

SpanishGoth dijo...

Cream -> lol, bet you love that Aussie anthem too - beastialitys best boys, shag-a-wallaby, beastialitys best etc

Phoenix -> well, they are visiting (can see it in the site meter) but not commenting - probably not a lot they could argue - besos ;)

Teeny dijo...

"Our chief weapon is surprise! And fear! And ruthless efficiency!

I'll come in again."

dip-dop-crabtree dijo...
Este comentario ha sido eliminado por el autor.
Pastor David dijo...

Well, you are hitting on all cylinders and falling for all the old arguments and just reciting a blend of fact and fiction.

Blame Christianity for the Inquisition?

Hardly.

Blame human nature, yet again, which humanists are so proud of, and blame also a propaganda machine that was so effective that even today it is difficult to separate fact from fiction.

also, I did respond to the crusades rant if you haven't checked it out.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Not entirely true - most of my posts are based on documented fact with a liberal sprinkling of Gothic dust to weedle out those who do know what they are talking about and those who do not.

Firstly, I didn't blame christianity for the inquisition - it was instigated by ONE man, on behalf of the catholic church and pursued by the Spanish royalty as a way of oppressing the people for their benefits.

Secondly, as I have said many times but mainly in the comment sections, I have no issue with religion only the 'organisations' who seek their own benefits through twisting what are fundamentally common sense.