viernes, mayo 11, 2007

Twats in The Attic

I hate daytime TV - it's just so bloody boring. Oh look, another programme about buying a house, doing up a house or clearing a house. Todays crappy offering, Cash in the Attic. The theory is sound enough - you're bored of all the shit cluttering up your house so you get some experts round to find things that are worth money and then sell them at auction.

Normally, the people have a good reason to raise the money and so it's entertaining. Not today. Todays couple of wrinklies were both ex-teachers who wanted to raise money so that, wait for it, so that he could go trogging across the moors. I'm not surprised she wanted to help - every instant away from him would be a blessing. I was sat there thinking, fucking hell - you're so boring I'd pay you to piss off.

Mariposa summed it up when the stated "I'd rather be deaf than have to listen to him speak again".

Every item scrutinised and valued was treated with "Oh no, I think it's worth much more than that". So why bother getting the experts in you sanctimonious twats? How are you ever going to learn anything if you know everything already?!

So on and on it went - I know I should have just changed the channel but we were sat their like rabbits in headlights waiting for the inevitable splat. I have nothing against teachers, I even went as far as sleeping with one but, I paid my dues so I shouldn't have to deal with one again.

By the end of the programme I had come up with the solution. I'm going to call the BBC and get them to come round and value my shit. Then when they ask the question "What are you hoping to raise money for?" I can respond - "On bear-traps, lots of them and then I'm going to spread them all over the moors".

"How much do you think you're going to need to raise?" - "Enough to catch me a boring retired teacher in comfortable clothes - now hurry up, it's hunting season".......

I wouldn't want to kill him, that's just evil but, I would lock him in a cage and throw board dusters at him - 'Come on city slicker, squeal like a pig'. How much do you think that's worth? Priceless.......

11 comentarios:

Teeny dijo...

It's weird how those kind of programmes hold you captive. You don't want to watch any more but you just can't tear yourself away, and before you know it Countdown's coming on and you haven't had a shower yet...

phoenix dijo...

I've stopped switching the tele on during the day now,I'm sure there's some sort of subliminal message being fired at you which makes you sit there like a zombie. As for teachers,my sister is one,and always gets upset when I remind her that she hasn't actually left school yet so not to even attempt to give me advice on the big bad world (and she gets 14weeks holiday!)

Drama Queen dijo...

Great to meet you and the flutterby last night ;-)

Aunty Marianne dijo...

Dammit. Wish I'd gone out now.

I still think DQ is fictional, and everyone is winding me up.

Cream dijo...

The only programme I watch during the day if I am anywhere near a telly at around 3.30 is Countdown...when Teeny has gone for a shower...

The rest is absolutely mind-numbing shite...

Bear traps on the moors! Talk about a grisly death!

Drama Queen dijo...

Ekk Does that mean there will be a 'fictional' place at dinner Aunty?

Honey dijo...

good more food for us, just kidding. Lovely to meet you DQ, and Goth and Lady also of course. Sticks tounge out at Aunty, I was invited VERY last minute, reckon it was only to see how much DQ looks like me or not.

Cash in the Attic is only on as a government sponsered initiative, to encourage the droves of sick and unemployed in the UK to go out and find work..

oops been around Eliab too long.

Ariel dijo...

Daytime TV is quite probably some sort of devious propaganda dreamt up by the pharmaceutical companies to encourage the prescription and consumption of anti-depressants.

kimmyk dijo...

When we cleaned out my aunts attic after she moved in with my parents all we found were dead raccoons. I don't think you can get much for them do you? Yeah didn't think so.

Gross.

James dijo...

I have a slightly irrational dislike for teachers generally. Ones I actually know are fine, but the concept doesn't work for me. I don't think they know enough to be trusted with educating others.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Teeny -> Know exactly what you mean but this particular one did drive me especially mental

Phoenix -> it's just the 'can't be arsed fairy' doing her stuff and the ex-goth is a teacher

DQ -> Likewise, hope your illusions were not shattered

Aunty M -> so they didn't stone you in Stoke then? - Indeed you should have come

Cream -> Countdown to Destruction more like - "Grisly death" LOL

Honey -> Well you did look a bit like sisters....as for being round Eliab too much, no comment

Arial -> Daytime TV is what happens when they can't afford to make proper programmes

Kimmy -> Dead racoons? Cool, new hats

James -> My dislike comes from being forced to listen to bullshit arguments and then being told off when I corrected them. Looking on the bright side, I was on first name terms with the headmaster - as in "Oh S, you're back, now what?"