miércoles, mayo 16, 2007

Rugby and Cricket - Shite

As I was brought up in Wales, there were 2 sporting activities which were compulsory in school. During the winter months, rugby and then when the rain and mud had abated, cricket. I hated (and still do) both equally. My physique is not designed for rugby being far too elfin like in physique - I suppose I could be a corner flag....maybe.

I became the obvious target for the neanderthal kids in my school if I accidentally caught the ball. "Tackle him" the games teacher would yell with gusto. I tried a number of tactics - throwing the ball away (no good) I would just be sent to fetch it and used for tackling practise. Running away didn't seem to work either, odds of 15-1 against me were obviously not in my favour. Opting not to participate didn't work either and so week after pitiful week the torture would continue.

Eventually logic, or rather I, found a way out. In hindsight it is blindingly obvious. Get sent off. Granted I had to wait for an actual game to achieve this but it wasn't long in the coming. Apparently, rugby appears to be a battle in the mud between two packs of animals intent on destroying each other - well, it bloody well is. My first sending off was accidental, I knew you had to stop the player with the ball and although it is perfectly ok to stamp on a player whilst they are on the ground, tripping them up in full flow is not allowed.

"S - Off!" demanded the games teacher and off to the library I was sent. In the peaceful solitude of the library I read up on the rules. Aha, I thought - another fine method to be employed. So the following week with what seemed like a rhinocerous on acid galloping in my direction and cries of "Stop him" ringing in my ears - I did just that. A very neat side step at the last second with my outstretched arm at throat level. "Off" demanded the games teacher "But why" I protested none too innocentally "You said stop him and he's stopped isn't he - you should have been more clear in what you wanted".

The by-now scarlet in the face games teacher was hopping up and down shouting "You'll never play rugby in this school again". Good, I thought, that's the end of that shite then.

Onto summer and the infinitely boring game of cricket. Why anyone would want to stand there whilst someone throws a rock hard ball at you is beyond my comprehension. On top of that, you have the fielding team. The ones that have to go scuttling after the ball like an over anxious puppy if the batsman does manage to twat the ball. Yeah, that's a great game then. Not much chance of getting sent off in this game so the alternative was just to be so incredibly shit that no-one wanted to play with you - ever !!

Fortunately, my games teacher had already figured out that I was very good at running, as my brief rugby career had proven, so he asked me to try cross-country running. Now this was much more my style. No one chasing you trying to stamp on your bollocks and no one throwing things at you for no apparent reason. I liked this and thus stuck with it.

Rugby and cricket - stick it sir, preferably stumps up your arse sir....

19 comentarios:

Peach dijo...

here here as those dumb boring cricket types would say, could't agree more, it's shit, they're both shit... good for you...

... I was a runner too... cool!

gddik dijo...

I'm with you all the way on this one, SG.

Rugby is a game for wel-mannered sado-masochists, IMO, and cricket is for dullards.

Despite living on the outskirts of Liverpool, the football capital of the world (as we all know),I had to go to school in Widnes, of all the god-forsaken shit-holes on the planet - and a rugby town, to boot.

How can perfection and such utter shite nestle in such close proximity - a mystery.

Any road, I was forced to play the stupid egg-chasing game, despite my total lack of interest, willingness or aptitude. Needless to say, I hated every minute of it.

If only I'd had your nous, I could have gotten out it too. Alas, that was almost forty years ago. Opportunity lost.

Cricket was a slightly different kettle of fish, though.

Half the time, when your team is batting, there's SFA to do, which suits me just fine. I was usually out second ball anyway (an easily engineered feat), so there was little danger of being injured.

Yes, fielding was tiresome, but you can't have things all your own way, can you?

zoe dijo...

"I suppose I could be a corner flag....maybe."

i nearly wet myself. see you around tomorrow ?

phoenix dijo...

I was also a runner,hated all types of contact sport. We had Hockey and Lacrosse as favourites at our school but thankfully I managed to prove myself as a long distance cross country runner and avoided both of the other. Funny I still prefer solitary exercise except of course if there's a man involved *hiccup* goes off to finish her bottle of wine and dream of finally getting some fun on Friday *hiccup*

SpanishGoth dijo...

Peach -> those boring shit-types are exactly the sort of twats I hated - don't do running any more though, I found taxis

Gddik -> aye, you could have gotten out of it but I doubt martial arts was as popular back then

Zed -> Flattered as opposed to being flattened - you have the number, just call 666 ;-)

SpanishGoth dijo...

Phoenix -> you're taking the piss rather than being pissed (unless you're using an unusual spellchecker) - hope you get *hiccupped* soon :)

kimmyk dijo...

I don't understand Rugby or cricket. Neither are played here.

I ran when I was in school. I use to get lost in my thoughts and I'd end up in the country far from where I was suppose to be. I miss that sometimes. I need to start running again....places to go...

Rebecca dijo...

I know nothing of these games either. I love college basketball. Miss ya!!!

Cream dijo...

Neither sports were in my curriculum and that's why I don't understand the rules.
Give me camel racing anyday!

phoenix dijo...

ah my other favourite sport of taking the piss!
I had though had 3 glasses of the co-op's finest 2006 chardonnay (on offer from £7.99 to £3.99,bargain!)when commenting last night and believe me it doesn't take much more than that till I really am fished as a part.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Kimmy -> For rugby, think american football without the padding, for cricket, baseball without the...something

Becca -> glad to see you back honey

Cream -> oh you Algerians - you're like a tribe from Star Wars - what next? Pod racing?

Phoenix -> glasses? amateur, would have been 3 bottles in Goth World

Stacie dijo...

I was never much for team sports myself. Always last picked, always the first to find a way out. I could relate to this post.
I should have tried running, I've discovered it late in life, and now I'm not as easily suited to it as I might have been had I started earlier. Oh well....
Stacie

Teeny dijo...

I can relate too, I HATED sports at school. I wasn't even good at running - the rest of the pack would disappear off into the distance, leaving me limping along on my own #sniff#

I like watching rugby from a nice comfy sofa with a cup of tea, but would hate to have to play. And I don't get cricket, nothing much ever seems to happen...

Mr. X dijo...

We think much the same about football...
Each to their own!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Stacie -> Running is good but taxis are better :-)

Teeny -> Sports or library? I know which I would choose

Mr X -> Very good at football as it didn't involve trying to break someone's neck (apart from those old leather Caseys we may recall)

The Aunt dijo...

I understand your reservations but I am pre-programmed by my genes (jeans, hah!) to gravitate towards rugby players as a moth towards a Bonfire Night pyre.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Gene-Genie, my hair is afire,
Gene-Genie...something else that rhymes and is suitably clever....

kimmyk dijo...

Hi Goth, I just wanted to stop by and tell you that you, my friend, may rant on my blog ANYTIME you feel the need. I enjoy it. It makes me laugh. But know I am NOT laughing AT you, but with you.

Have a great weekend!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Kimmy -> thanks. I try to keep the ranting in Goth World generally but feel free to laugh at me - if you'd seen me in shorts on a rugby pitch, I'm sure you would have.....