The Official Gothic No Fooking Way List
- Have sex with another bloke, and that includes 3-in-a-bed style (my arse is exit only)
- Eat Haggis or Black Pudding (or anything that's obviously made from the shit bits left over)
- Wear sandals ever - (if I wanted to look German I'd visit Poland without permission)
- Eat insects - (I don't fucking care how trendy it is)
- Turn vegetarian and becoming boring as green beans
- Visit Pakistan or any country that treats women that way - (wankers)
- Join a monastery - (at least they let you out of the library)
- Harm a small child - (but I would willingly kick the shit out of anyone that did)
- Chop my own dick off - (may be small but I like my inch and a half of wriggling fury)
- Experiment with drugs - (It looks dumb from the outside, on the inside...insane)
- Jump out of a tenth floor window to prove I could fly - (if I thought I could I'd try a take off from the ground first)
- Listen to anything George Bush says......ever - (the boys obviously insane)
- Go on a submarine - (I'm not keen on boats, so boats that don't have the decency to float.....)
- Go parachuting - (why would I jump out of a perfectly good plane with a large handkerchief ?)
There's more to come but I would be interested to hear your NFWL's. However, I shall refrain from tagging people with this. It's Friday, do what you want with it
a luego y buen fin de semana
25 comentarios:
Do Not:
Get a tattoo when drunk.
Dance on the bar in a mini skirt.
Visit costcutters for a 3am microwave meal.
Judge people.
Suck too hard.
MMmmm had to think hard about this one,cos I'm at the life's too short and may as well try it stage of life,but here goes
would never:
*eat vomit fruit
*say the 'F' word in front of my mother (apparently I'm still not too old to go over her knee!!)
*go mountain climbing -just don't get it?
*give up my mascara and eyeliner
*ever again change my life for a man
I would never go potholing. Ever.
I'm also highly unlikely to dance on a bar in a mini skirt, DQ, but I'm not ruling it out.
As for the tattoo when drunk bit, er, whoops!
Oh, do not drink and dial. Very bad.
DQ -> I know you put that last one in there to tempt a rise from me or Tippler ;-) little minx
Phoenix -> what's vomit fruit, I don't like any fruit unless it's squashed and made into alcohol
Tippler -> you missed 'take my chick to watch footy when Utd are playing'
I would not:
- get a tattoo
- say the c..t swear word
I'm sure there's much more - I'm normally very judgemental. I can't think what's got into me!
literally it's a fruit that smells of vomit, made famous by those reality jungle get me out of here programmes.
how anything that smells of vomit can be classed as an edible fruit is beyond me.
I agree with most of your NFWL's but I would eat haggis and green beans on a submarine.
Get drunk on Pernod ever again!
LG -> I try very hard not to use that word, but from politeness to others. Agree on the tattoo thing though
Phoenix -> next you'll be bringing up carrots ;-)
Cream -> simple enough, I trade you beans, haggis and a submarine for all the pernod in the world :p
Never:
Get drunk again.
Eat green beans.
Embalm a dead body. Gross, I watched once and almost passed out.
Work as a burn unit nurse, burned people make me almost pass out. No offense.
Harm a child or an animal. Not cool.
Pose for a titty magazine unless there was lots of money on the table and it was done with taste.
Oh I have the tattoo. Just a sober one, er, two. . .
Anyway, as if I set out to 'get a rise'. Did I get one though? I can't see from over here.
oooh that was poor..
And as for haggis, mmmmmm, lovely!
Rebecca -> I'd get drunk but it takes some doing for me - not as much as posing for a titty magazine would mind ;-)
DQ -> you should know better than that - I don't share info about our 'activities'
Phoenix -> Haggis? yuk i'd rather eat sheeps brains.....or would I?
*wanders off to contemplate*
Quite. Although the Lady's a veggie, so we're not going to criticise that one too much.
No.11 is presumably linked to no. 10. Come to think of it, so is no.12...
Regretfully there are quite a few things we've already tried and are never in the sodding world going to do again. And we've blogged most of them.
At least the ones that are vaguely printable, anyway.
Drinking and driving isn't a good idea either. Neither is drinking a liter and a half of Quantro and then 4 pints of special brew.
Don't try to peel an orange the morning after that, is our advice...
Opps. Slip up.
Anyway, Goth boy have a nice weekend. And just think, this time next week you'll have met me. And bring your lovely lady along do. *Pah* I hope we've not picked a football night have we?
I will try very hard not to date another alcoholic ever ever ever again. The problem is identifying the beggars, as the functional sort come across quite eloquent, which is a bit of a pull.
I will never ever apply to go and live in Port-au-Prince, Haiti.
I will not, ever:
Vote Conservative
Understand why anyone would vote Conservative
Hit a woman or child (not even in self defence)
(I might hit a Conservative, though)
Eat shell-fish or other wriggly stuff from the ocean
Join a religious sect
Wear pink (not homophobic, or 'owt - I just look awful in it)
Buy The Sun - or forgive them for their treatment of the Hillsborough victims and their families
Be fluent in any other language ('cos I'm too thick)
oh by the way goth not seen you at my place for a while, so before you go off with my niece fancy a vodka on the rocks at the chicken ranch?;-)
- oh, and I'm never going to apply for another job (not because I'm in love with the one I have or anything - just because I'm too close to retirement to screw my pension up)
- sit another exam. Life's too short.
Oh the shock & horror Rebecca . . .I know your animal secrets!
I agree with Tippler on never drink & dial, you'll only regret it later.
I'm gonna think about this one (& post & regret it later!)
Get a tattoo
Hold a spider
Have anything shoved up my bum - for pleasure or otherwise
Use sexist insults
Eat snails
I think 5 is enough
OOOHHH Goth you're sooooo manly (apart from the bullet point flowers of course),
I USED to say in the bad old days I'd try anything once except suicide, but now I fear age has crept up and there is MASSES I have no desire to do.. but whilst drunk sprcifically?
1) phone up ex boyfriends and tell them how much I miss them
2)show the bar what a nice bra i have on
3) text the random blokes in bars who gave me their phone numbers which I've kept in the lining of my coat shhhh don't tell my husband
4) carry on drinking until I'm sick, ugh
5) etc. etc. etc.
Never assume a dog will not bite you.
Never sit down on the toilet without looking first, no matter how badly you have to go.
Never have sex in a South American River. A guy my husband knows did this and got a parasite up his urethra, then had to have his hmm-hmm sliced open to get to the parasite. True story, I swear to God.
I can not believe people eat Haggis. I had to Google it to find out what the hell it was...now I'm sad I did.
Green beans can be quite sassy Goth. Maybe give 'em a little try.
Mr X -> Cuantro when you can't spell it should be an indication to you both
DQ -> You probably won't read this until you have been loved up the other side of silly but, yes Mariposa will be in attendance
Aunty M -> I wish your life and love were happier, you are such a beautiful person
Gddik -> Not too thick my friend, merely stuck in the wrong place
Phoenix -> Been slightly busy, all will become clear in the next week or so
CJ -> agreed - bums are for outgoing, not incoming
Honey -> Welcome, I always like honey *winks seductively*
Mz J -> Welcome too - but tell your bro Michael to fuck off
Kimmy -> sassy = arsey. Bollocks o that
It's not a footie night, thank God, as Laura will be there too.
Phew.
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