Scientists around the world have been looking for the Holy Grail of energy production, a renewable energy source. Instead of using fossil fuels or nuclear energy, they have been exploring solar power (fat lot of fucking use in Belgium), wind turbines and even wave machines. Well, Professor Goth is here to offer the advice that they've been looking in the wrong direction.
Firstly, energy comes in a number of forms, amongst others, Potential energy but most importantly, Kinetic energy (which effectively harnesses motion). So how can we harness this energy - well, here are the answers.
In China, there are over 1 billion people, which obviously means there is an awful lot of shagging going on. Thus we fit little motion generators to their little Chinese arses and every time they get jiggy with each other, electricity is created.
In France, it is not possible for people to talk without waving their hands and arms about, thus we fit little generators to their wrists and every time they say anything and do that waving around thing, electricity is generated.
In Italy, it is not possible to drive a car without constantly jumping up and down on their horns. Thus by replacing horns that use energy with those little hooters like they have on a clowns car, but hide a little electricity pump inside, they too could generate elctricity.
In the UK, by fitting little motion generators to all forms of alcohol, specifically alco-pops, then the binge drinking would actually turn into a large fuel producing club - it might also help to fit vertical detectors to people so when they fall over, being pissed as farts, the motion could also generate energy.
In the US, judging by the Super-Size me generation, we change all elevators and escalators to utilise the forces of gravity. Thus a couple of fat bastards get into an elevator on the 50th floor and by the time it has reached the ground floor, it has generated enough electricity to supply a trailer park.
*Note* - There are probably quite a few more I have missed - please feel free to contribute.