martes, noviembre 27, 2007

Renewable Energy

Scientists around the world have been looking for the Holy Grail of energy production, a renewable energy source. Instead of using fossil fuels or nuclear energy, they have been exploring solar power (fat lot of fucking use in Belgium), wind turbines and even wave machines. Well, Professor Goth is here to offer the advice that they've been looking in the wrong direction.

Firstly, energy comes in a number of forms, amongst others, Potential energy but most importantly, Kinetic energy (which effectively harnesses motion). So how can we harness this energy - well, here are the answers.

In China, there are over 1 billion people, which obviously means there is an awful lot of shagging going on. Thus we fit little motion generators to their little Chinese arses and every time they get jiggy with each other, electricity is created.

In France, it is not possible for people to talk without waving their hands and arms about, thus we fit little generators to their wrists and every time they say anything and do that waving around thing, electricity is generated.

In Italy, it is not possible to drive a car without constantly jumping up and down on their horns. Thus by replacing horns that use energy with those little hooters like they have on a clowns car, but hide a little electricity pump inside, they too could generate elctricity.

In the UK, by fitting little motion generators to all forms of alcohol, specifically alco-pops, then the binge drinking would actually turn into a large fuel producing club - it might also help to fit vertical detectors to people so when they fall over, being pissed as farts, the motion could also generate energy.

In the US, judging by the Super-Size me generation, we change all elevators and escalators to utilise the forces of gravity. Thus a couple of fat bastards get into an elevator on the 50th floor and by the time it has reached the ground floor, it has generated enough electricity to supply a trailer park.

*Note* - There are probably quite a few more I have missed - please feel free to contribute.

10 comentarios:

Che dijo...

Fit a generator to every bloggers keyboard.

I did the maths, it would fuel Manhattan for a decade.

Doesn't need to be Manhattan of course - that was just a dumb example.

john.g. dijo...

Fix a micro-switch to womens' lower jaws, problem solved!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Che -> but some of them 'talk' their stuff (shame they don't walk it too)

JG -> ooo, you little misogynist

Hill dijo...


Goth, baby, stop by my place tonight.

I did a post right up your alley.

Balls. Big Swinging Balls.


Tom Joad dijo...

I would welcome gettin' mah jiggy on while wired up. I normally have to pay extra for that sort of thing.

Gorilla Bananas dijo...

"being pissed as farts"

You accidentally hit upon a workable solution. Farts are a renewable source of natural gas. Try putting a lit match to one the next time you blow off.

PI dijo...

Johng: may the Good Lord forgive you but never will I. BTW loved your crochet:)
MTL was given a kinetic watch which his motion deeps going apparently.
ROTFLMFAO!!! Comment?

Hill dijo...

Goth, baby, I'll help you polish your balls anytime, anywhere.

Name the country!


Invader Stu dijo...

If we hook all the bike dynamos in Holland up to the national grid as well there will be enough power for the whole world, even more if we burn their clogs as fossil fuels.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Hill -> as you know, I did visit

Tom -> ah, so that's why you spend so much time around Gare du Nord

Gorilla -> unfortunately, I'm like the queen and don't fart

Pat -> I was going to mention the kinetic watch (eco-drive) - but it seemed to tempting for someone to mention 'wank action' watch

Hill -> I hope it's with something soft and not Brasso

Stu -> the bike thing might work but I'm not so sure about the clog idea