martes, noviembre 06, 2007


So, having a temper is not a good thing. In fact, it's positively painful.

Trying to put new furniture together, whilst having a temper is even worse....apparently.

I'm usually, quite a patient person but, occassionally, I snap - big time !! When I do go 'off on one' the results are not pretty. In fact, the resulting carnage is seldom pretty at all.

Welcome to the jungle of shelving units, baby. Let's have fun and games.

So, it didn't quite go as planned. Actually, to be more accurate, it was a complete fuck-up.

The theory was simple enough. Put the shelving unit together and place it in a position to house books or stuff. Except, being the little rascal that it is, it didn't want to go together the easy way. Or the hard way. Or any fucking way at all.

Ergo, I reached that point where frustration boiled over, and the need to twat something really hard with a hammer kicked in. Big time.

I will not be beaten by a piece of furniture!!!!

Thus, I twatted it with my hand, HARD.

" Ha, ha - Weren't expecting that were you, you piece of shit ?!"

All well and good, until my brain informed me that I appear to be pissing blood all over the place.

And so, after a quick reality check, it would appear that I had managed to pierce my hand, in a crucifixation type fashion. Blood was leaking, well, rather, spurting all over the place, and the furniture was sitting there laughing, in a wooden fashion.

For most people, that would be the end of the story but, Goth has petrol....and matches.

"Not so fucking clever now are you, my little wooden nemesis!!!!!!"


So, no. The shelves are not finished - although they do look rather fetching in the ash effect. I still have to clean the blood from the floor and I guess Ikea have another customer later...... "Nearly done dear..."

11 comentarios:

Tom Joad dijo...

My stepfather used to swear. Quite a lot. Actually, he used to swear that whenever he was fixing the old wreck he lovingly called a car, nothing would be accomplished until he had bled on it. I've found this to be painfully true as well.

Laura dijo...

Didn't you listen? Ikea instructions are made for women. How many pieces did you hav left over?

Stacie dijo...

Aw shoulda hit it with the hammer, not your hand! Sheesh...
I hope you had bandaids handy and Mariposa fixed you up right...or do Goth's not wear bandaids?

john.g. dijo...

Pour JD, or something cheaper onto hole in hand, light, scream in agony. Result? A nicely cauterised hole with which to impress your friends. Or give them a fucking good laugh!! Chin, chin.

Daphne Wayne-Bough, dijo...

Is it good Goth practice to drink your own blood? Or did you decant it into a phial for Mrs Goth to have a bloody Mary later?

Somehow I don't see you as an Ikea sort of guy. They don't do coffin shaped furniture, for a start.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Tom -> my father used to throw spanners at me - talk about a spanner in the works

Laura -> Ikea is made for idiots who can't find the exit

Stacie -> I was too busy mopping up blood to worry what Mariposa was doing

JG -> and waste good alcohol?!

Daffers -> Goths do not drink blood - that's vampires, which doesn't even start with the same letter....

JolietJake dijo...

Should've hired a Project Manager, then you could've sued the hammer vendor and claimed victory for your kind.

Obviously it would have cost five times as much and taken ten times longer and you still wouldn't have a coffee table, but victory! success!

Anónimo dijo...

Patience ! Form minor of despair, dressed up in virtuousness.
But good blood would not know how to lie.

Gorilla Bananas dijo...

You have stigmata, Goth? It means you have religious fervour, even if you don't know it.

PI dijo...

You did - of curse - have an anti-tetanus injection?

SpanishGoth dijo...

JJ -> I wasn't using a hammer - I twatted it in a Karate Kid, polish on sort of way

Dip-dop -> I have patience, it just needs a little exercise

GB -> sadly, it does appear to be stigmata (which is kind of helpful for the Gothic image)

Pat -> No I didn't have an injection but I plan on cutting my hand off if it changes colour