miércoles, noviembre 21, 2007

In Flight Food

What a crock of shit - and the bastards are cheeky enough to charge for it now too. Five quid for some cheese flavoured cardboard - you're having a laugh aren't you ?!

In flight food started with Mrs Wright, when she gave her sons Orville and Wilbur a pack up lunch box to take on their little adventure. Unfortunately for them, the flight was so short that by the time they'd got the wrapper off, they'd landed again. This enigma of the wrapping is something that airlines maintain to this very day.

I used to fly Business Class a lot, not because I'm a rich bastard but because the company could never agree on which city I was needed most in. Poor Ingrid in the company travel agent got very perturbed the first time I asked for a flight to Munich, Prague and Bruxelles all on the same day.

"But which one do you actually need?" she asked in a confused state

"All of them" I replied

"So where are you going then?" her questioning continued

"Fucked if I know" was my measured response "But it will be one of them"

Thus poor Ingrid had to book them all Business Class as she could change dates, flights etc at no charge.

Once on board, every meal was the same - Smoked fucking salmon ! I don't bloody like smoked salmon but, that's what you're expected to eat at the front.

When on normal flights, but not with a budget airline, you end up with the same pre-cooked shite, heated up in a microwave or something. Tasteless garbage.

But then the budget airlines - don't get me started on those bastards. Stuff that I wouldn't give to a dog and then the twats expect you to pay for it !!!!

Come on, share the joys of your airline food experience.....

22 comentarios:

Ché l'écossais dijo...

On a Glasgow to Paris flight in the early eighties, I had the joy of tasting the first, and last, caviar of my joyless existence.

Most disgusting meal I ever had the misfortune to suffer.

Thank god Big Blue was paying for the whole rigmarole.

john.g. dijo...

The free Jack'n'ginger's good on trans-atlantic flights.
Do they serve food?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Che -> never tried caviar and to be honest, I'd rather eat fish eggs .... DOH

JG -> how can you mix Jack, you philistine ?

Tom Joad dijo...

Up 'til recently I travelled a lot on the Eurostar. I used to fly a lot for my work and the Food is all the same - ropey at best. The thing with the Eurostar is that it tastes like food. Imagine. And they keep coming round and offering you very drinkable wines, beers and spirits. That's the way I like to travel.

Hill dijo...

OK, this is a uniquely 'Merican airline, Southwest Airlines.

So here's the deal. They have ALWAYS AND ONLY served packaged PEANUTS as the "food" on their flights. (Cheap ass bastards)

Anyhoo, most HILARIOUS flight EVER was when I flew from Houston to Dallas on Southwest Airlines with a plane full of Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey clowns. That's right, CLOWNS. Dressed in full clown regalia. Big red honking noses, orange hair, and those giganto clown shoes.

The fuckers completely took over the flight. It was goddamn fantastic!


Brom dijo...

I hate the tiny quantities of coffee you get. United business serve it luke warm in a small wide brimmed cup which adds to the cooling effect. However, as it is drunk in two mouthfulls I suppose it doesn't matter.

Bacon rolls in BA business are not too bad.

You are dead right about the smoked salmon.

Anónimo dijo...

In the dream d ' Icare the chow was not either understood !!

Che dijo...

-> Hill, what was for dinner ? Cream pies ?

Lynx dijo...

I have to ask, why are you bothering to eat on a budget airline flight? It's only going to be an hour or 2. Either eat at the airport (expensive, but can be quite good), or wait until you get there. I had one of the best steaks ever (and I eat them a lot) at Copenhagen airport.

PI dijo...

Hurrah! We don't fly anymore!

JolietJake dijo...

I've had two breakfasts on Turkish Airline today. One on the flight from Bangkok to Istanbul, another one on the flight from Istanbul to Brussels.

I couldn't finish either, I had to take a shower when I got home.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Tom -> I concur but not when the pilot/driver is partaking

Hill -. that must have been 'funny as fuck'

Brom -> an inteesting point though - you get extra cream if you order Irish Coffee

Dip-dop -> indeed, the chow was not understood

Che -> OOOOOOOO eclairs *in a very sedate and Gothic way*

Lynx -> Sometimes, I like to use irony to highlight a situation, in a ironic but somewhat... oh fuck it, if you don't like it, don't fucking read it

Pat -> I SO love the way you say "We don't" - RESPECT

JJ -> AH - see what I mean now do you? As for couldn't finish either - posh twat. I couldn't afford either

Stacie dijo...

when I was in Hawaii flying back to the mainland, they took away my apple and carrots as produce wasn't allowed through customs. My lunch on the airplane consisted of something disguised as meat, steamed carrots (blech!) and a freakin' apple! It wasn't even a red delicious either the bastards.

( . )( . ) dijo...

I like the Massive chunk of cheese that they serve with the crackers, that you cant really cut with their crappy plastic knives, and end up having to eat it sandwiched between the two crackers which crumble everywhere.

I just drink the free wine and try and eat my crackers without regurgitating.....

SpanishGoth dijo...

Stacie -> apples and carrots are your lunch ??

( . )( . )
I like the Massive chunk of cheese - enough said really

Daphne Wayne-Bough, dijo...

I had caviar and champers on the one and only time I flew first class, with the late unlamented Air Afrique from Lagos to Dakar via Accra and Abidjan, and back again with an unscheduled 10 minute stopover in Ouagadougou due to a very influential hitchhiker.

Can't drink on flights any more.

Cream dijo...

I was once upgraded to first class to Algiers by an generous airline guy who'd been to our restaurant.
Wide seats, Champagne, Caviar... Shame it was Ramadan.
But usually I try to skip airline food by having a decent meal before.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Daphne -> I'm curious about the hitchhiker.....

Cream -> apologies if I'm being ignorant but I thought ramadan was about not eating food whilst the sun was around - could you not put a towel on your head and eat yourself silly?

Cream dijo...

Silly moi!
I should've known towel-heads had a secret agenda.

SpanishGoth dijo...

It's not the agenda you need to be worried about - it's the shit that goes boom

Exploding shit - now there's a frightening concept

JolietJake dijo...

on Turkish Air they serve giblets, with Chianti. Wait, goose kidneys, no I was right the first time Turkey Hair.

Oh yes, hazelnuts, Turkeys are famous for the amount of hazelnuts they can produce. 70% of global output, compared to 99% of globble globble globble.

That just leaves a few curds to weigh for checked in baggage (excluding golf clubs). I just put my nuts in my golf bag, haar ar ra raah!!

SpanishGoth dijo...

JJ -> another good reason not to go to Turkey then