jueves, noviembre 15, 2007

Two Down

I'm a bit of a crossword person, but not the 'baby' ones. I want the 'impossible to complete' type. Hell, it's no fun at all if you can complete it. For fucks sake, I could have coloured the bastard thing in and held my hand up saying "Miss, Miss - I've finished".

No, I need deeply ironic clues, that mean nothing to people outside of 'The Club'. And yes, there are 'clubs' - they stick to the same newspaper every day and try to complete the cryptic crossword each day.

Somewhere, probably behind prison walls, are a deeply sardonic and sadistic set of people who set these clues.

Why are these people behind bars? Because it's the only place that they are safe when people like me are left with one answer missing and the clue makes no sense at all.

YES, I will be dreaming about the question. Thankyou, you bastard !! And at 'silly o clock' I will wake up with the answer.

Except, it's not the answer at all, but then I can't go back to sleep.

Two days later, I will see the answers and shout silently "That's not a fucking word you twat" but wander off to check the dictionary. And then....
I feel impressed that I was wrong. Bizarre, I know, but I do actually like to learn.

At least it's educational unlike Sudoku - I mean, if you fuck up with a choice
of only the numbers 1-9, that has to be somewhat sad.

Grandpa, The Wizard (as some readers of this blog might know him), could complete The Times crossword with his eyes shut.

Bollocks - I can't even do it with my eyes wide open.

10 comentarios:

Stacie dijo...

my husband made me sit through a documentary about people who do the times crossword...it was really very interesting though you won't catch me admitting that to him!
Stacie

john.g. dijo...

I do the Telegraph cryptic every day. My mate does the FT every day, and I can't spell half the fucking answers he comes up with!

Lynx dijo...

I prefer something a little more intellectually stimulating, like a word search. Or, if I'm feeling really adventurous, spot the difference.

Crabtree dijo...

Est-ce un message à dessin ?

On peut faire dire aux mots le contraire de ce que l'on pense !!
D'un mot simple peut surgir une définition absurde ,L'imagination fait le reste ...

Quel est le contraire de "l'esprit de l'escalier"?
"L'esprit d'à-propos" ,"le sens de la répartie"!

Sui-je claire ?

Bonne journée sir Goth

Ché l'écossais dijo...

"From the white land, cannae do crosswords, except the Sun quick one, couldnae care less, douze lettres"

Cryptic, natch.

Winner gets a 150€ book-token.
I made that last bit up.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Stacie -> it can be insteresting when you are stuck on a plane or train etc

JG -> I can occassionally do the Telegraph one, but the switch from one person setting it to another takes a few days to get used to

Lynx -> or join the dots?

Dip-Dop -> but opposites attract, obsurdity to love?

Che -> I never bother to do the quick ones unless I feel like a laugh and I try them in Spanish, or French

Crabtree dijo...

Comme les aimants ,les amants s'assemblent le contraire serait absurde " les lois de la physique élémentaire"
Un verre vide ne demande qu'à être rempli !

A tes Amours Sir ,à ta santé !

Daphne Wayne-Bough, dijo...

MI5 recruit people who are really good at cryptic crosswords. I'd never have thought it was a skill you'd need in spying, but then you probably have to spend a lot of time sitting around in pubs waiting for your Russian contact, so it helps to have something to pass the time.

Daphne Wayne-Bough, dijo...

Come to think of it, Tippler spends a lot of time sitting around in pubs doing cryptic crosswords. You don't think .... ??

SpanishGoth dijo...

That would explain the false nose then....