sábado, noviembre 17, 2007

I Don't Want To Ride My Bicycle

I never was a huge fan of Queen, I mean, the old dear with the corgis is ok as she keeps out of my way but the other Queen - the band !!!

Who wants to hear their music forever? Not bloody me - I hated it, as I was busy trying to recite poetry whilst walking backwards in the dark. Meanwhile, some loud twats are chanting "We will, we will rock you" to which I could only reply, "Yeah, and I will fuck you - and I have the petrol and the matches !!".

Anyway, at some point, they started warbling on about 'Riding my bicycle' - well, fuck off. If I can't ride my bicycle without problems, (see Stunt Goth for an explanation) - then why the fuck should you ?! I don't care if you have an army of fat bottomed girls on the horizon, I have a harpoon.

Thus, imagine my Gothic smug grin when I read the news story about the man caught shagging his bike. How the fuck do you shag a bike?

Wouldn't get that in Zanzibar would you ?!! Or maybe you would....

I guess the idiot mis-heard and thought someone said 'Mounting Bike' or did he???

Suggestions on a handlebar to:-

11 comentarios:

MKWM dijo...

Doing whatever takes your fancy in your own room is a sexually aggravated breach of the peace?! The world has gone mad...

SpanishGoth dijo...

I must be strong, and carry on ( as weirdos abound)

MKWM dijo...

'Mounting a bike' may be a weird thing to do, but is it illegal? What I find extremely shocking here is the fact that someone has been sentenced to three years on probation for something that happened in the privacy of his bedroom. So, what kind of "breach of the peace" is this? Maybe that hostel manager had a much better reason to get rid of this particular resident. As for the cleaners, they'll survive bumping into a guy 'holding a bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex', I imagine they must have seen "worse" than just that...

SpanishGoth dijo...

I think the fact that the bike was wearing a mini-skirt may have swayed matters a little....

MKWM dijo...

Sorry but that so-called fact was not in the article, and I didn't read it between the lines either. Even so, it would not make it look like aggravated breach of the peace to me. The fact is simply that, in Scotland like anywhere else (e.g. Brussels), mounting bikes can prove highly dangerous... isn't it right, Stunt Goth? ;-)

Sewmouse dijo...

reciting poetry whilest walking backwards in the dark?

Did I miss something???

SpanishGoth dijo...

Minky -> I never mounted a bike - just fell off the bastard thing

Sewmouse -> not really, it's just a Gothic pastime...

MKWM dijo...

Racing bikes then.

But I know I'd better shut up now...

Ché l'écossais dijo...

"How desirable her seat was, how charming the invitation of her slim encircling handle-arms, how unaccountably competent and reassuring her pump resting warmly against her rear thigh!

I knew that I liked this bicycle more than I had ever liked any other bicycle, better even than I had liked some people with two legs...
"

Flann O'Brien, The Third Policeman

Probably the maddest book I ever read.

JolietJake dijo...

hmmm... well I haven't touched my bike for a few months, did he give it a score in the article? Was it a 6 or an 8? What sort of bike was it?

I imagine those carbon fibre ones are quite smooth but I probably couldn't afford that

SpanishGoth dijo...

Minky -> Racing bikes? you'd never win, unless you had a car or something

Che -> not an Irish author by any chance

JJ -> only you could actually think of shagging something (and then realise you couldn't afford it)