Simplistically, my task was rather straightforward. Mariposa wanted a bicycle for her birthday, so I went and I bought one for her.
Siempre - Done..
No issue - I just buy the bike and then Mariposa has a 'Happy Birthday' and everything is fine. But, Mariposa has to complicate matters - Goth has to get a bike too. Who will she ride with otherwise ?
Shit - I didn't realise this was turning into 'Smokey and the Bandit'.
Hence, we end up with two bikes (neither of which have engines) - far too much un-like 'Goth in 60 Seconds'. We could have stolen Ferraris or Aston Martins or anything but, no, it has to be bikes.
So, now Goth has 2 bikes - with pedals, to feel free like the wind, when you're going downhill, and get taxis back uphill or the Metro, or anything that doesn't involve effort.
Except, Mariposa wants to play with her new toy.
But, she cannot stay in a straight line, or turn, or signal or ride.
Shit, I know I can't swim so, I don't go near water.
However, I perservere, as one does with people they love.
*"FUCKING HELL"* ------- CRASH -
(That will be Goth going over the handlebars)
Hmmm, that will be Goth proving he can't fly for shit then (but saving Mariposa from looking like a raspberry that's been twatted with a hammer).
And then the blood flows. But that's ok, I have at least 8 pints before I run out.
I tried the judo roll, but the shit happened too fast.
So now Goth is reduced to C3PO status - walking like a spastic and muttering "I am fluent in 6 million dialects master (which all involve alcohol) - R U Pissed 2? is that you?"
Space cadets, Goth can provide you with the proof - Bloggers you have heard of have seen and stared at these wounds.
It fucking hurt.... a lot.
*wanders off looking for the rest of his elbows*