martes, julio 10, 2007

What the Goth is That?

It might seem like a blur. A streamlined butterfly wafting pass in a gush of silence. What can it be? Mmm, that'll be Goth on a bike then.

I know Batman had a funky car, the batmobile, a funky boat - the batboat or something. Superman has stupid knickers that wouldn't fit inside his trousers (although I have a sneaky feeling that all that getting dressed so quickly just made him careless).

Well, being a superhero of sorts, Goth needed some transportation so, Goth got himself a bike. And, not just any bike - it's a fucking girls bike.

Unfortunately, this is what happens when Goth goes shopping. He gets bored and starts doing stupid stuff like saying "Aw fuck it - I'll take that one" just in an attempt to get out of the shop.

"But Sir does realise this is a g...." "Just give me the bastard thing so I can get out of here".

Then, when Goth looks at said bike, in the sanctuary that is home - nursing a bloody mary, he sees that there's no crossbar. That'll be because it's a girls bike.

Well, Goth is not going back to the shop to admit he fucked up. Goth will come up with cunning and devious excuses as to why he needs a girls bike.

He has such big tackle that a crossbar would hurt too much.

Getting on and off with a flowing leather coat is much easier because it's built this way.

A crossbar make Goth's leather pants squeak too much.

What other reasons can there be ??

19 comentarios:

jungle jane dijo...

Don't take the bike back. Just tell anyone who mocks you that you rippped the crossbar out and beat to death the last person who laughed at your bike.

Then stride off manfully and go listen to some Joy Division.

Drama Queen dijo...

Is it pink?

SpanishGoth dijo...

JJ -> Good plan, I'm liking that one a lot

DQ -> Of course it's pink......oh, you mean the bike?! No, that would be silly. But as soon as I've filed off the Barbie stickers it should be ok

Brom dijo...

Has it got a little basket on the front?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Where else would I keep the JD - idiot?!!

Drama Queen dijo...

And ribbons on the handles?

Oh and a bell. . .

PI dijo...

Whereas I, as a gel had a boy's racing bike and I have to tell you that accidents were doubly painful:(

SpanishGoth dijo...

DQ -> Why? Do you think ribbons would suit me?

Pat -> Yikes, that doesn't fun at all.

Dip-Dop-Crabtree dijo...

Very very just, me that does not carry any leather pantallon to avoid the échaufement of my "foundation" (fleshy party of my anatomy) I rented a bicycle for a bucolic walk with my to stretch, and well I regretted the presence of this bar! or the bicycle was too big for my apple or well my too short legs with the unpleasant sensation to whenever I put Earth? me that does not carry any straps, to have the head in the handlebar!?!?

Peach dijo...

good for quick getoffs?

Cream dijo...

I think you'll miss getting your leg over!

Stacie dijo...

I like Jungle Jane's solution. That's perfect!

I bet you could trick it out to look as though you removed the crossbars on purpose. Paint it all black to start with, maybe wrapping some bits in chain, and little skulls on the spokes which you should replace with little swordsy looking things. Leather danglies for the handlebars...maybe a real skull on the front of the basket where you keep your JD...
of course all this would require more shopping so maybe you should just stick with the original plan of Jungle Janes...

Honey dijo...

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

You say black I say white
You say bark I say bite
You say shark I say hey man
Jaws was never my scene
And I don't like Star Wars
You say Rolls I say Royce
You say God give me a choice
You say Lord I say Christ
I don't believe in Peter Pan
Frankenstein or Superman
All I wanna do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my
Bicycle races are coming your way
So forget all your duties oh yeah
Fat bottomed girls they'll be riding today
So look out for those beauties oh yeah
On your marks get set go
Bicycle race bicycle race bicycle race

Bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle
Bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle
Bicycle race

You say coke I say caine
You say John I say Wayne
Hot dog I say cool it man
I don't wanna be the President of America
You say smile I say cheese
Cartier I say please
Income tax I say Jesus
I don't wanna be a candidate for
Vietnam or Watergate
Cause all I wanna do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

Mr Farty dijo...

*takes a swig of JD*

Goth needs a girl's bike because Goth is a girl?

Drama Queen dijo...

Yeah, what he said. . .

*points to Mr Farty and runs*

phoenix dijo...

Mock all that mock you Goth my friend cos you'll be super fit SuperGoth and they'll all be lardy arses.Just watch out for the rozzers when drunk in charge of a bicycle.(BF got lifted for that and he was dressed as Vivien from the young ones at the time!fancy dress party he said but I'm not so sure)
Ps I have a boys bike cos I don't care either

Calamity Jane dijo...

Goths don't cycle, goths stomp.

PS - I done tagged you I did,

SpanishGoth dijo...

Dip-Dop -> I would have said it was deliberate but that would be a lie

Peach -> Normally I would dismiss a quick get-off....but as it's you ;-)

Cream -> It would be a shame to miss that

Stacie -> indeed JJ's is my favourite to date and I may well paint it black

Honey -> yikes - you've turned into Freddie Mercurial - hope you're not planning on the moustache too

Mr Farty -> no, Goth just hates shopping. It all started harmless enough as a plan to get a birthday present for Mariposa

DQ -> Ha ha - you didn't say that last time we were 'together'

Phoenix -> I'm super fit anyway - no beer belly for me

CJ -> Not all Goths stomp - some are lovely and cuddly and sweet (I'll have a look at the tag but it won't be for 2mrw as that post is done

kimmyk dijo...

As long as you don't have pink ruffly things hanging of the handle bars and a flag and a white basket I say you're golden.

But get a bell. Those are cool. *bring bring*