lunes, julio 30, 2007

CSI - Bruxelles - Part 2

Two murders have occured in Bruxelles, the first one where someone got stabbed in the eyes with frites, the second connected it seems

*The camera pauses briefly to demonstrate the constant rain that falls in Bruxelles, potentially ruining the crime scene*

Dick Van Dyke, Chief Investigator, listens instensely to the voice on the other end of his phone, before saying rather gruffly "So, there's nothing specific about the Mayonnaise then? That doesn't help any in determining who might have committed these murders".

"I'm going to the second crime scene, make sure ballistics get to look at the frites - there must be something we're missing". By the time Dick arrives at the scene, Jean Claude Van Dammitt, the coroner is there. "What do you have JC?"

"He's forked Dick" says JC

"I know that JC, I mean what is the cause of death?"

"A fork Dick, severed the artery" explains JC "One of those crappy little wooden ones they give away for free - also impossible to trace"

"But can you draw around it?" enquires Dick.

"I'll do my best Dick but I think the string may provide a stronger clue - this isn't just standard string"

"Chief" says one of the forensic team sifting across the scene "We may have something here" unravelling a small scrumpled up piece of paper and handing it to Dick.

It's a flyer for a new Kebab shop that has just opened up nearby. "I think we now have a motive and I am not allowing fast food wars to break out on my territory - call Sergeant Tintin and get him to pick up the owners - I'll see you back at the station".

*Cut to the interview room at headquarters a short time later"

Dick patiently lays out the photographs in front of the suspect. "Come on Sheesh, I know you recognise the pictures - I already have my motive and when I finish arranging the evidence, you're going to fry my friend". Sheesh keeps shaking his head as one by one the photos are placed in front of him.

"They're yours Sheesh - I know you recognise that cut of frite because I've checked the blade on your chipping machine and I can prove from the striation marks that the murder weapons were made in your Kebab shop Sheesh".

*The door opens and a greasy lawyer walks in*

"Don't say another word Sheesh, these pictures are flimsy evidence Van Dyke" and he proceeds to tear up the photographs - "See".

"Ha" says Van Dyke "I've still got the negatives and I will get a positive result"

The lawyer leads his client out of the interview room and Dick takes out his mobile phone. "Go over those crime scenes again Johan, I'm not allowing people to die here unless it's of the usual cause of boredom in Belgium"

*Dick turns his back on the camera as yet another bloody advert break begins*

7 comentarios:

zoe dijo...

that's your fault for watching too much belgian TV.

or was it the DVDs ....?

JolietJake dijo...

that fella's had his chips, JCVD? DVD? off the JD SG, makes no sense to me.

Oh god I've just had a Russ Abbott moment! fuck me I feel old sometimes.

Gorilla Bananas dijo...

Has Dick Van Dyke got a new show then? What ever happened to Mary Tyler Moore? She proved that a woman with a wide mouth could still be good looking.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Zed -> Don't watch Belgian TV - makes no sense in real life

JJ -> Off the JD? Don't think so somehow

GB -> Mary Tyler Moore? Yikes, you'll be onto Farrah next

Princess of the Universe dijo...

Not to be too literal- but couldn't the greasy lawyer get fined/arrested/slapped around for tearing up evidence?

Brom dijo...

Having never ever watched a single second of CSI, I think after eading this I might like it.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Princess -> Probably, but he would slip through their fingers

Brom -> Don't pin your hopes on it being entertaining...