As some people seem to be struggling with reality - a tricky task I know, I feel the need to set the record straight.
Drama Queen is NOT my girlfriend.
Granted she has wonderful lungs (a polite way of saying that she has big tits .... oops), is blonde and wonderful in bed (oops again). She is not my girlfriend, well apart from the fact that she is my friend, and she's a girl, which kind of makes her a girlfriend. But not like that, sort of girlfriend thingy, shit, this isn't going at all to plan.
Look, we're just friends right, and she has a boyfriend, and he's cool and Oirish and she loves him and stuff. Well, she does lots of wibbly things to prove how much she loves him - so there.
Meanwhile, I just am. Not that I am, when they're together because that would be silly, or perverted or something.
On the other hand, there is Mariposa, who is my girlfriend. Who's not blonde but rather stunningly beautiful in another way - ha, with prettier eyes. And she's intelligent, and speaks 7 million languages - a bit like C3PO but without the poncy voice, and she's not made of metal, oh, and she doesn't have a small friend who looks like an upside down dustbin following her everywhere.
I know that they're not the same as we went for drinks together and I made them sit on opposite sides of the table so I didn't get confused.
So, when I talk about Mariposa, I am NOT talking about Drama Queen ok.
Yes, it is Mariposas birthday very soon......oh shit, that means I have to go shopping...again.
But Mariposa has my heart, DQ has my hand - as a friend, who is sort of a girl, but not a girlfriend. I mean, shit, who'd want to live with all those handbags. This isn't Goth in The City.