The Beginning

In the beginning, everything was black - and Goth loved this as it was cool and dark.


But some clever fucker wanted to have light. So Goth created light and thus, the not-so-clever now person said "Gadzooks" when they saw what they had done - to which Goth replied "Well, you insisted".

Then Goth had to go and invent stuff. Just because some silly twat wanted the lights on. So first, he invented the sea, but couldn't decide if it should be blue or green - Goth knew it shouldn't be yellow. Thus, the seas came, and they had nothing to do with Rye as that would be shit (but Goth hadn't invented shit yet). So the sea was blue, ish, if you squinted, but Goth hadn't invented eyes yet.

Then Goth invented the sky, and it was beautiful and pretty and so he invented clouds, that would piss on anyone's parade - purely because blue sky looked too tempting.

So Goth, in his infinite wisdom, invented land - which was kind of nice as it meant that nothing had to swim, they'd have a choice - unless they could fly. But at least they would have somewhere to land.

"Ah" thought Goth, "but what would have a choice?" - and thus, he had to invent stuff that walked or swam or flew. Basically, he was really busy for days.


And so, on Tuesday and Wednesday, Goth was busy inventing things - like jam, and toasters, and frogs, and armadillos and things that go "OOOO". Which was kind of cool for a while until Goth got bored and started inventing stupid stuff. "Bollocks, just superglue a beak on it"

"Master?" said Mini-Gothess, "How can it poo if it has no bum?" - 'Shit, hadn't thought about that' thought Goth. "And a front bum?" were the last words he heard. So Goth had to go away and think about the whole reproduction process.

'Shit, forgot about monkeys' thought Goth and thus the reproduction thing became a series of ooohs and aaahs and masturbation.

By Friday, Goth was really fed up with inventing things so he improvised a little and invented weekends away. Thus Saturday became the Sabbath - coming from 'Sbth the days Goths off'. (He had been working on tongues before he left).


And therefore it became Sunday too, for the lazy twats who were still pissed on Saturday - 'oo more wine please Mister Goth'.

And that's how it all started (ok, it's the short version but you really don't want the long one)