YES, I spilt my beer. One minute, I was sitting quite happily at the bar, a pint of amber nectar starting to lubricate my tonsils and I began to read one of the magazines, when....
I attempted to say "What The Fuck?" but it's not that easy with a mouth full of beer. In fact, it doesn't bloody work at all.
What caused this? Simple. Some fucking idiot had written an entire article about....
Jesus fucking christ!! Go and get a life.
But, like a rabbit, stuck in the glare of impending doom, I had to carry on reading it.
So here are a few snippets (ha ha) to whet your appetite:-
- Apparently, Monsieur Kellogg campaigned (in the United States of Idiocy) that circumcision was a cure for masturbation - (No wonder his cereal was wet, but crispy.)
- Men's Health magazine claimed that 'uncircumcised men lasted 4 minutes longer during sex' - (I don't care! Who was the sad un-fucker standing there with a stopwatch?)
- There are groups - gangs of muppets like BUFF - Brothers United for Future Foreskins - (I guess the genius who came up with that acronym is really busy on a Saturday night....on his own)
- 92% of circumcisions are done without anaesthetic - *winces*
- A list of Hollywood celebrities are listed as being pro-foreskin, and have dropped their pants to prove it - (knew there was a reason I didn't want to be famous)
So, what made me gag on my beer? Any of the above? NO.
What made me vomit beer was reading that there is actually a market for the 'off-cuts'. 'Human foreskins are in great demand....'
After mopping my beer up, I actually looked at the article again. 'Fucking hell' - it does say what I thought.
Bet you'll never guess what they are using them for.......