miércoles, noviembre 07, 2007

Foreskin The Issue

Having purloined, or rather, acquired a copy of The Sunday Times in Belgium, I was lovingly perusing the publication. You have to give justice to the carefully crafted supplements. So imagine my horror when one magazine caused beer spillage.

YES, I spilt my beer. One minute, I was sitting quite happily at the bar, a pint of amber nectar starting to lubricate my tonsils and I began to read one of the magazines, when....

*WHAM*

I attempted to say "What The Fuck?" but it's not that easy with a mouth full of beer. In fact, it doesn't bloody work at all.

What caused this? Simple. Some fucking idiot had written an entire article about....

FORESKINS !!!!

Jesus fucking christ!! Go and get a life.

But, like a rabbit, stuck in the glare of impending doom, I had to carry on reading it.

So here are a few snippets (ha ha) to whet your appetite:-
  • Apparently, Monsieur Kellogg campaigned (in the United States of Idiocy) that circumcision was a cure for masturbation - (No wonder his cereal was wet, but crispy.)
  • Men's Health magazine claimed that 'uncircumcised men lasted 4 minutes longer during sex' - (I don't care! Who was the sad un-fucker standing there with a stopwatch?)
  • There are groups - gangs of muppets like BUFF - Brothers United for Future Foreskins - (I guess the genius who came up with that acronym is really busy on a Saturday night....on his own)
  • 92% of circumcisions are done without anaesthetic - *winces*
  • A list of Hollywood celebrities are listed as being pro-foreskin, and have dropped their pants to prove it - (knew there was a reason I didn't want to be famous)

So, what made me gag on my beer? Any of the above? NO.

What made me vomit beer was reading that there is actually a market for the 'off-cuts'. 'Human foreskins are in great demand....'

After mopping my beer up, I actually looked at the article again. 'Fucking hell' - it does say what I thought.

Bet you'll never guess what they are using them for.......

34 comentarios:

zoe dijo...

JESUS CHRIST!

what do they use them for - a 'foreskin' quilt?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Nope - and it's not hats for hamsters either...

Daphne Wayne-Bough, dijo...

Please don't say lampshades ...

Aristotle Onassis's yacht "Cristina" had bar stools covered with whale's foreskins.

JolietJake dijo...

Thing is, it lasts four minutes longer but theres no feeling because tip grows hard skin to protect itself. that's why muslims are so frustrated they need ten shags just to feel like they've had one (and that's the real reason they hate the west).

Here's a tip, get a blow job off a woman who's ex was circumsised. I've done it, she was so used to working hard to get a reaction that when it came to my turn ; u-n-b-e-l-i-e-v-a-b-l-e

Tom Joad dijo...

Do they use them in the flavouring for cheese Doritos?

john.g. dijo...

Hoop-La?

Fake onion rings?

Tap washers?

Stacie dijo...

transplants for the guy who didn't want to be circumcised?

Do I really want to know?
Yikes..
Stacie

Stacie dijo...

OMG!!!!!
No fucking way!!!!!

EEEEWWWWWWWWW...I'm going thru all my crap now and reading lables...

WTF???

Stacie
(I couldn't wait for the answer so I looked it up online and EEEWWWWW!)

The Aunt dijo...

I think foreskins are stored in cryogenic facilities to provide a good base of soft skin to grow if ever the gentleman in question needs a skin graft.

No?

Then they should be, that is assuming circumcision has to take place at all.

P.S. I've known at least three chaps who HAD to be circumcised later, because, well, well because things tended to get a bit tight and painful, and they're all much much happier now. From there to say it's necessary for every boy? Hmmm. Well I suppose now we can vaccinate every girl against HPV it's changed the debate a little.

Sewmouse dijo...

Spare Change Purses?

Brom dijo...

Fan Belts for Smart Cars?

Geez reading that you can't help but feel uncomfortable!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Daffers -> no, but I do have a pig-skin lampshade

JJ -> 'here's a tip'?? isn't that what the leper said to the prostitute?

Tom -> no, but it would explain the chunky bits

JG -> no, no and no.

Stacie -> I don't know, do you really want to know?

oh shit, you found out......

Aunty -> Of course they're happier now - it's a sense of freedom thing

Sewmouse -> Purse?

Brom -> no, and the answer is more bizarre than you might think (and no, it's not new ears for Nikki Lauda)

john.g. dijo...

Calamari?

Stacie dijo...

I'm still so grossed out I could puke. No wonder you spewed beer!

SpanishGoth dijo...

JG -> squid for brains - no it's not calamari

Stacie -> indeed, that's why I hurled in the first place

Wendy Ascham dijo...

Do they use them for cloning more pricks? I think I dated one last night, he couldn't get it up.

Machiavellia dijo...

Face potions to make ones face look younger. I saw it on Nip/Tuck.
That doesn't get me as much as the people that drink their own piss. Ewwww.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Wendy -> Welcome, but no, not the right answer. Incidentally, was the date myopic or just plain fucking stupid?

Machiavellia -> That's actually the closest answer yet but, not quite correct...

Tom Joad dijo...

Oh - is it soap? Like in Fight Club? Actually, I'm hoping it isn't...

zoe dijo...

i looked it up. not quite as gross as i'd have thought.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Tom -> No, it's not soap

Zoe -> cheat

zoe dijo...

hey! stacie looked it up too. meh.

Anónimo dijo...

Thank you ;-) check out that emo boy hair on this blog:
http://www.emo--boys.info

Anónimo dijo...

Free information about penis enlargement products, how it works, price of products, top products, and review of penis products. Visit http://www.buypenisenlargement.com
http://www.male-sexual.com

Anónimo dijo...

Nice Blog. Thank you for information. we guarantee all customers and users total satisfaction or your money back vigrx plus - http://www.male-sexual-styles.com/vigrx_plus.html

Anónimo dijo...

Male sexual enhancement product and penis enlargement product [url=http://www.male-sexual.com/enlargement-pills.html]VigRX Plus[/url] helps improve sexual performance for men who are worried about the size of their penis with the world's leading male improvement product.
http://www.male-sexual.com/enlargement-pills.html

Anónimo dijo...

They are becoming the enhancement option of choice for many men for several reasons. vimax pills is the best penis enlargement pills on the market today.
http://www.male-sexual.com/vimax-pills.html - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pobXsnw7CWs

Anónimo dijo...

The effects are gradual and the result will vary for each user. However, further review show that most users experience benefits within the first week. In the first month you can expect erections that stay longer than usual and your penile may even start to become wider. penis enlargement pills - http://www.cucumaerot.com

Anónimo dijo...

VigRx Plus has been specially formulated to maximize a man's sexual performance. The results from taking this male enhancement pills are two-fold. First you will become a healthier individual with better sexual functioning from the inside out. http://www.pillspenisproducts.com

How To Enlarge penis dijo...

Vimax Pills is a powerful natural herbal male enhancement that increases penis length and girth, sexual desire, sexual health and helps to achieve stronger erections, Buy Vimax Pills best penis enlargement pills

about author:
best penis enlargement penis enlargement pills improve sexual performance and stamina

best penis enlargement pills VigRx Plus Vimax Pills ProSolution Pills clinicali proven for enlarge your penis up to 3-4 inches in 3 month 100% money back guarantee FDA APPROVED
http://www.orderpenisenlargement.com

Anónimo dijo...

Hello webmaster! i am really appreciating you for your kindness that you have made a really interesting blog,We Reccomend only the
best Male Enhancement , Best Penis Enlargement , Penis Enlargement , Buy Weight Loss Pills ,
Buy Viagra Online , Cheap Viagra from across the globe Generic Viagra Online and Cheap Viagra in market. Visit the site http://www.bestpenisenlargement10.com , http://www.buypenisenlargement.us ,http://www.buyweightloss-pills.com , http://www.buyviagra-online.us , http://www.cheapviagra-online.us ,
http://www.sexualpremature.com , http://www.realpenisenlargement4us.com , http://cheap-viagra-tablets.com
We apologize for comments I seen a case of spam, I really hope you do not delete my comment. I will visit your blog again

Best penis enlargement pills dijo...

We just wanted to share information about best penis enlargement that are busy talking about people who want a bigger penis size, stronger and able to increase stamina.
http://www.sizepenisenlargement.com
Penis Enlargement Pills
Top Penis Enlargement Pills
Method Penis Enlargement Pills

Anónimo dijo...

I like use viagra, but this no good in my life, so viagra no good.

Anónimo dijo...

"I have been studying your entries during my afternoon escape, and that i need to admit the entire post has been incredibly enlightening and very properly composed. I imagined I would let you know that for some cause this blog does not show properly in World wide web Explorer 8. I wish Microsoft would give up changing their software. I have a question for you. Do you mind exchanging blog roll hyperlinks? That will be actually cool! "