Unfortunately, the cynical side of my nature appears to be blocking the process somewhat. Therefore I have decided it is in the best interests of humanity (and my bank balance) to throw the issue open to cyber-world in the hope that you come up with some better ideas that I can shamelessly steal and fuck off to the Caribbean with.
And before you start any of that premature cogitation stuff, these are the ideas I have already made my Gothic Cat eat:-
THE IDIOTS GUIDE TO:
- Carpentry - "Don't nail him to a tree - he could be famous or anything"
- Computers - "Try turning the bastard thing on you...."
- Cookery - Food, Microwave, PING (and silver foil, whilst funny as fuck, is not a good option in the microwave)
- Christmas - Just buy loads of shit that no-one wants (but keep the receipt)
- Chess - Fucking boring, so don't do it. Just Say NO
Now as you may have noticed, I have only used the letter C - and I skillfully avoided the word 'Cunts', nearly.
Anyway, your suggestions for my new series of books would be appreciated and, if all goes to plan, I will buy the suggester of the most suggestive suggestion, a castle in Scotland (or somewhere equally shit that no-one wants to live).
HA - put that in your Potter-Pipe and smoke it Rowling.....