Porn Movies

What's the fucking point? Granted, that is maybe not the best phrased question but somewhat ironic perchance.

I don't understand the appeal of watching two (or more) lubricated bimbos, shagging each other senseless. Why watch what you could be doing? DUH

It's feasible that these films may hold an appeal for those people who fell out of the ugly tree, hitting every branch on the way down but nature generally compensates. Even the utterly stupid must find the plot lines thin, if not anorexic.

*Large blonde/black/Asian - (some fucking idiot) walks into a scene*
"Whoops - there goes my underwear!"
*Cue some other weirdo(s) to start fucking with a relentless inevitability*
*Fade out / fuck off*
This film was sponsored by Kleenex - the tissue you can trust.

Whilst it is admirable that these films aid the masturbation purposes of travelling business people in their remote hotel bedrooms - do the wankers have no imagination?

Personally, I have always found them about as appealing as being slapped around the head with a large haddock. The films are pretty shit too.

Obviously, I'm not really a 'fannie' of this puerile media but feel free to justify yourself - unless you're Pippa Gore.

(I am not advocating banning porn films - anything that keeps the tossers away from me is a good thing)

The Gothic Helpdesk

Some American Idiot, in their infinite lack of wisdom, decided that people would gain wisdom by encountering 'the system' from a back to basics standpoint.

A) - Look 'empathy' up in the dictionary dude
B) - There is a very good reason I was taken off the Helpdesk originally
C) - I'm a Goth and if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to.....

However, in a 'Team USA' fashion I acquiesced (or should that be, in a Gothic way I proved a point?).

Call Number 1
Goth - "Helpdesk"
Nice Person - "Hi, I'm sorry to bother you but my computer is not doing what I want it to"
Goth - "No problemo, tell me what you want to do and I'll make it so, in a Jean-Luc fashion"
Nice Person - *burble, burble, burble*
Goth - "Try it now"
Nice Person - "Oh wonderful, it's working now - thankyou so much"
Goth - "No problemo - have a nice day"

Call Number 2
Goth - "Helpdesk"
Twat - "Hello. I'm really important in the company and my computer is not working"
Goth - "That's a shame"
Twat - "What do you mean it's a shame? Fix it now !!!"
Goth - "Try putting a nice person in front of it"
Twat - "I DEMAND that you fix it now"
Goth - "You fucked it up, fix it yourself" #dial tone#

Call Number 3
(bearing in mind I can see on caller display it's the same number)
Goth - "Hello, Trumpton Fire Station, who do you want Hugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuth.."
Twat - "I am very un.." #dial tone#

Call Number 4
(seconds later)
Goth - "Wun Hung Lo Chinese takeaway - you want 69 with sore finger?"
Twat - "This is not funny, I will .." #dial tone#

Call Number 5
Goth - "Helpdesk - pour Francais presse deux, Nederlands twee, Espagnol quattro - and if you're in Finance, FUCK OFF"
Twat - "I know who you are and this is not funny.."
Goth - "La La La - Not listening, not listening........."#dial tone#

At which point 'Team USA' took me off the Helpdesk, again.

Scheiss passiert !!

The Idiots Guide To

Following on from the best selling 'Dummies Guide to' series, purchased by millions of idiots around the world, I have decided (in a cold and calculating way) to add Gothic impetus to the movement.

Unfortunately, the cynical side of my nature appears to be blocking the process somewhat. Therefore I have decided it is in the best interests of humanity (and my bank balance) to throw the issue open to cyber-world in the hope that you come up with some better ideas that I can shamelessly steal and fuck off to the Caribbean with.

And before you start any of that premature cogitation stuff, these are the ideas I have already made my Gothic Cat eat:-

THE IDIOTS GUIDE TO:

• Carpentry - "Don't nail him to a tree - he could be famous or anything"


• Computers - "Try turning the bastard thing on you...."


• Cookery - Food, Microwave, PING (and silver foil, whilst funny as fuck, is not a good option in the microwave)


• Christmas - Just buy loads of shit that no-one wants (but keep the receipt)


• Chess - Fucking boring, so don't do it. Just Say NO

Now as you may have noticed, I have only used the letter C - and I skillfully avoided the word 'Cunts', nearly.

Anyway, your suggestions for my new series of books would be appreciated and, if all goes to plan, I will buy the suggester of the most suggestive suggestion, a castle in Scotland (or somewhere equally shit that no-one wants to live).

HA - put that in your Potter-Pipe and smoke it Rowling.....

I'm So Tired

"I'm so tired of being you, suppressed by all my childish fears" - not a direct quote from Evanescence but, one word makes a difference.

(how hard can it be? fucking big and thus fucking hard.)

how tired? - weary of it all

being used? - i don't even want to contemplate it

suppressed? - hmmmm, don't get me started on twat topic

childish? probably - aren't we all when we are stripped emotionaly naked

I should not post this, I should instead pay some jumped up twat or twatess to tell me I'm fucked up. Hooray, what a bollocks of an idea

All will become clear in the next few days,

For newbies.... sorry - having a bad day.....

For regs...sorry - having a bad week....

a luego,
S