Dr Gothlittle

Talking to animals and birds is quite simple really, I think - but then again, I don't think, I just do... as opposed to Dr Doolittle (the fictional character) who didn't do very much at all - hence his name.

It's a facet of my character that I have had to re-activate recently, on account of the addition of a cat to Goth World. The Cat says 'Miaow' and I have to identify whether it means:-

a) I want food
b) I want to use the cat tray, but you have closed the door and I cannot access it, therefore I will wee on your favourite chair
c) You humans are a genocidal race, prone to self destruction and you have no empathy for other creatures on your planet that sustain the environment
or
d) Stroke me

Somewhere, in the advert breaks on Gothic TV, I have to figure out whether the emphasis was on the MI part of MIAOW, or the OW part - which would not be good. The Cat could be asking to go to the toilet and then having a painful time, or talking Chinese, for a laugh.

But, The Cat is originally from Portugal - what if he doesn't understand English, or French or Spanish?? (I didn't even bother with Flemish as it's shit to start with).

I'm pretty sure I have it figured out. There appears to be a lot of 'purrrrring' so that must me good right?

NO - I'm figuring, if pussy is happy, that's a good thing... generally. Especially in Goth World, if you're a lesbian like me.

Unless, I'm wrong.... (which does happen....) so what now?

Gay Bomb

So, the theory is as follows. Get a bomb, as in explosive device type thing, but instead of killing people, you make them love each other in a homo-erotic way.

Sorry - is this making no fucking sense at all or what ? I didn't make the shit up (yikes, sounds gay already) - it's even got it's own Wiki entry.

"An aphrodisiac could be dropped on enemy troops, ideally one which would also cause "homosexual behavior"

Now, I'm not gay, so forgive me for making assumptions, but, what the fuck is that about?

My understanding is that soldiers like to dress up, run around a lot in make up, and hide in trees. Being gay, is the same thing but means that you like to dress up, etc but with someone of the same sex.

So therefore, a 'gay-bomb' is somewhat superfluous, don't you think??

In Goth World, you can do what the fuck you want, with whomever you want. Well, apart from being nasty - that's not allowed.

However, I would make a brilliant lesbian - well, apart from the fact that I'm not female. But I am really good at tennis and I love women..... well, one woman actually, so I guess that makes me a 'Solo-Lesbian'.

Don't think the drugs are working yet ;-)