A Bear Called Mohammed

So, a British teacher has been arrested in Khartoum for allowing her school children to call a teddy bear Mohammed. Apparently, if convicted, she will receive 40 lashes or six months in jail.

Well done, you religious fascists !!!

I'm rather doubtful that "The Prophet" mentioned anything about kicking the crap out of anyone who named a small cuddly toy after him. But then again, he was a prophet, so perhaps he knew that this was going to happen. He was the Bruce Forsyth of the future.

I mean, can you imagine the Catholic church pursuing and impaling anyone who uttered "Oh god, I'm coming"?? - half the human race would have been wiped out just for having a bit of rumpy-pumpy.

Oh shit, they did do that.

But if they didn't... and Muslims thought with their brains, and Islam was just a Metro stop away from...

And then people wonder why I hate organised religion

Well fucking DUH.....

Choosing Your Disciples

So Jesus realised that he needed to pick some disciples so he took a walk on the shore of Galilee and he approached the man with the big beard who was busy fishing. "You will come with me and be one of my disciples".

"Piss off, I'm fishing" replied the man.

"But you can become a fisher of men" said Jesus "But that's stupid" replied the man "Men don't live in the water".

"Not like that" an exasperated Jesus started to explain "We shall go forward and spread the word of the Lord".

"Oh I see" said the new disciple "And what is the word? Chocolate?".

"We will go forth and find.....what do you mean chocolate?"

"Well, you said about a word and we had to spread it - oh right, is it Marmalade then?"

"No it's not bloody marmalade - it will be us spreading the teachings of the Lord and will bring peace and goodwill to men. We will not be wandering around handing out bloody marmalade"

"It's a bit of a shit game, this guess the word thing but, the peace and goodwill sounds interesting so ok, count me in, my name is Simon"

"Excellent" responded Jesus "And I shall call you Peter"

"But that's not my name - I just told you it was Simon"

But it was too late as Jesus was wandering off looking for more disciples... thus Peter the Fisherman was recruited and packed up his fishing gear to follow Jesus. As he left he could be heard mumbling - "I wonder if it's butter, I can't believe it's not buter"

Anti-ORGANISED - Religion

"I feel the need, the need for speed". I don't actually, nor do I feel the need for religion in my life but I would like to make a few points as the less cerebrally aware amongst the population seem to have missed the point entirely.

NUMBER ONE - I am not the anti-christ nor have I ever purported to be. I have no desire to terminate all 'mankind' - but, I would maybe kill the sad mother-fuckers who make normal peoples life hell, through their vulgarity, ignorance and intollerance (and in doing so, become one... EEK)

NUMBER TWO - I believe that people can do great things, helping other people, supporting living things and generally saving the planet - which is what jesus tried to do before he got nailed to a tree (didn't see greenpeace there then).

NUMBER THREE - Education is illumination, but if you are taught by wankers, wankers you become. (I think Yoda said that ;-)

NUMBER FOUR -> Free speech is a democratic right. If you don't agree with what I say, fine, voice your argument, there's no need to blow up the bus on the way there.

NUMBER FIVE -> If you think you know better than me, prove it. I will be the first to offer congratulations, if you are correct - in a heartfelt and sincere manner.

NUMBER 666 -> History proves that mankind is it's own worst enemy. Turn the other cheek? Maybe but, just maybe, it would be nice to arrive at a situation where we didn't have to get cheeky. Life is a rollercoaster of emotions that we all must ride. How nice would it be to know that regardless of faith, origin or skin colour we could all hug each other at the end and collectively say.......

Wow - what a trip

*slowly steps down from soapbox and exits*