"The time has come, the Walrus said..." Well, now my time has come, 2006 is nearly at an end. I have to prepare myself for tomorrows trek back to Bruxelles, via Madrid. There are only a certain number of items I can take with me and, unfortunately, Eloise - my guitar - is not one of them. I don't want to chance losing her or getting her damaged by some lunatic baggage handler at any of the three airports I have to pass through.
To elucidate - since I found out that things were 'going south' between my parents, I immersed myself in music. Initially, just listening to it and then becoming more involved. Learning to play guitar, to write songs, to join a band and perform in front of thousands of people. I always had one favourite guitar. After my son was conceived I gave up music and got a "proper" job but bought Eloise as a compensation for losing one dream but gaining a better one (followed by two - my daughter).
Since then, wherever I have moved (more specifically a place I call home), Eloise comes with me. She is here with me now in Spain but I cannot take the chance that she may be damaged. Also, I'm not sure that the new place is yet home. She will have to stay here with the 'guitar-minder' until I figure out the future. I will shed a tear when I have to leave her but as life is constantly shifting, I could be back here sooner than anticipated.
I don't play as much as I would like anymore - time spent with puters seems to rule my life. I wish I could but then again I wish a lot of things. Most importantly, I wish I could see my children more. Alas, not to be.
I wish all of you a very Happy New Year and hope to greet as many of you personally as I can manage (assuming any of you want to greet me). Shit. Didn't think of that. If you don't, just pretend I'm invisible. It's ok, I was married so I'm used to it.
In the meantime, get pissed, stay sober or do whatever suits your fancy. I wish you all the best Gothic wishes for the New Year and may all your dreams come true (apart from the one about crucifying ex-partners, or squidging small furry animals, or that dodgy one involving cocunuts)....hmmm, maybe I should have a 'whip-around' and see a therapist?! Not sure how far 1 Euro would get me though.
a luego y Feliz Ano Nuevo,
S
besos -> Little Goth
besos -> Little Gothess
besos -> mi madre
grand besos -> Mi Mariposa
domingo, diciembre 31, 2006
sábado, diciembre 30, 2006
Expected Behaviour
A wonderful phrase I was given years ago whilst validating some software for a global company. When I explained that it didn't work and therefore there was no way on Goth's earth that I would sign off on it, the politics started. Meetings were called, conference calls scheduled but I had my proof.
When I was asked to explain my findings, I asked whether they wanted the short explanation or the long one. The short one. "Ok. It's a crock of shit!" So then the muppets requested the long version. Not going to bore you with the details but if a software package causes a computer to crash, it is crap. It is not expected behaviour for me. To them, it was. Maybe they had tested it also - and thus, was indeed expected.
Expected behaviour for me is like when I got caught in bed, by the father of a 16 year old girl - at the time, a very active, naked 16 year old girl. Yes, that was expected that he would try and kill me. To be fair, she had told me she was 18 years old and her body could quite justify that testament. It was also expected that, as he was 20 years older than I, running away really fast was an option that would work.
Expected behaviour again, as I prepare to return to the airport that, once again I will get "pulled" by security on the outward, and customs on the inward. Joys of the Gothic appearance. I wonder if gay people keep getting pulled with the expected consequence "oh, go on - search me". Sorry, that was a bit stereotypical but in my little knowledge of gay people, they do seem to be more in touch with their feelings, even though in certain societies they have to keep things quiet for fear of retribution or whatever.
Finally, I would just like to mention that I will be severely drunk on New Years Eve - with any luck, across all time zones in the world. It's going to take some doing but, as anyone would know me could testify, something that could certainly get classified under "expected behaviour".
a luego,
S
When I was asked to explain my findings, I asked whether they wanted the short explanation or the long one. The short one. "Ok. It's a crock of shit!" So then the muppets requested the long version. Not going to bore you with the details but if a software package causes a computer to crash, it is crap. It is not expected behaviour for me. To them, it was. Maybe they had tested it also - and thus, was indeed expected.
Expected behaviour for me is like when I got caught in bed, by the father of a 16 year old girl - at the time, a very active, naked 16 year old girl. Yes, that was expected that he would try and kill me. To be fair, she had told me she was 18 years old and her body could quite justify that testament. It was also expected that, as he was 20 years older than I, running away really fast was an option that would work.
Expected behaviour again, as I prepare to return to the airport that, once again I will get "pulled" by security on the outward, and customs on the inward. Joys of the Gothic appearance. I wonder if gay people keep getting pulled with the expected consequence "oh, go on - search me". Sorry, that was a bit stereotypical but in my little knowledge of gay people, they do seem to be more in touch with their feelings, even though in certain societies they have to keep things quiet for fear of retribution or whatever.
Finally, I would just like to mention that I will be severely drunk on New Years Eve - with any luck, across all time zones in the world. It's going to take some doing but, as anyone would know me could testify, something that could certainly get classified under "expected behaviour".
a luego,
S
jueves, diciembre 28, 2006
Karma
What goes around comes around. Or as the Reverend Earl J Hickey says "Do good things and good things happen to you, do bad things and....bad things happen to you".
Shit doesn't work for me. I tried being a nicer person but here I am - same place/same situation. Stupid time in the morning stuck with an erection you could swat squirrels with and no-one to play with. "Watch it fella, you could take somebodys eye out with that!". Highly unlikely I think. I don't think that my inch and a half of wriggling fury has to be registered as a lethal weapon just yet.
Poetry.com have announced that I am to be entered into their hall of fame. Wow, the little fella calmed down at the mention of their name. Probably bored the shit out of him like it does me. I know I can write poetry - I don't need some pompous twit to confirm it for me. I was just utilising the free web space and funky free printouts.
Now I just need to figure out how to take over the world. "Bwah ha ha" *in comicly Dr Evil fashion*. Actually, I don't know that I want to take over any world. It seems screwed up enough already without my intervention. If there is a Goth, I'm fairly sure that he/she/it was sufficiently stoned whilst manufacturing this existing enigma.
So, I'm off to see the doctor to get myself some viagra. I don't actually need it but I'm curious to see what will happen if I do take some - watch out squirrels ;-) The last time I saw Dr Irrelevant, he suggested/prescribed Xanax.
I didn't quite understand his instructions about dosages but did get the bit where he said - "do not mix with alcohol". To me, that's kind of like saying "do not piss into the wind".
Suitably tabletted up I drank a couple of beers. Strangest thing happened - I saved loads of money on beer. I scooted right past the drink loads of beer thing and straight to the walk into furniture mode. I would have pissed myself laughing if I knew who/what/why I was. Next time I saw Dr Strangelove he seemed somewhat put out.
Apparently I had taken 8 times the correct dosage even before I mixed it with alcohol. "But that was enough to knock an elephant out" - didn't work dude - skinny Goth takes the trophy!! Was still funny as fook! Hidden the rest of the tablets somewhere.....don't know where (but then they wouldn't be hidden if I did know).
Oh well, I suppose I can go back to bed now. Final quote from Rev. Hickey - "I'm just trying to be a better person".
a luego,
S
Shit doesn't work for me. I tried being a nicer person but here I am - same place/same situation. Stupid time in the morning stuck with an erection you could swat squirrels with and no-one to play with. "Watch it fella, you could take somebodys eye out with that!". Highly unlikely I think. I don't think that my inch and a half of wriggling fury has to be registered as a lethal weapon just yet.
Poetry.com have announced that I am to be entered into their hall of fame. Wow, the little fella calmed down at the mention of their name. Probably bored the shit out of him like it does me. I know I can write poetry - I don't need some pompous twit to confirm it for me. I was just utilising the free web space and funky free printouts.
Now I just need to figure out how to take over the world. "Bwah ha ha" *in comicly Dr Evil fashion*. Actually, I don't know that I want to take over any world. It seems screwed up enough already without my intervention. If there is a Goth, I'm fairly sure that he/she/it was sufficiently stoned whilst manufacturing this existing enigma.
So, I'm off to see the doctor to get myself some viagra. I don't actually need it but I'm curious to see what will happen if I do take some - watch out squirrels ;-) The last time I saw Dr Irrelevant, he suggested/prescribed Xanax.
I didn't quite understand his instructions about dosages but did get the bit where he said - "do not mix with alcohol". To me, that's kind of like saying "do not piss into the wind".
Suitably tabletted up I drank a couple of beers. Strangest thing happened - I saved loads of money on beer. I scooted right past the drink loads of beer thing and straight to the walk into furniture mode. I would have pissed myself laughing if I knew who/what/why I was. Next time I saw Dr Strangelove he seemed somewhat put out.
Apparently I had taken 8 times the correct dosage even before I mixed it with alcohol. "But that was enough to knock an elephant out" - didn't work dude - skinny Goth takes the trophy!! Was still funny as fook! Hidden the rest of the tablets somewhere.....don't know where (but then they wouldn't be hidden if I did know).
Oh well, I suppose I can go back to bed now. Final quote from Rev. Hickey - "I'm just trying to be a better person".
a luego,
S
miércoles, diciembre 27, 2006
What Difference Does It Make?
And so the dark side of Goth World. The depression, always brought on by one of two factors. Women or money. Combined - fooking lethal.
I could never, at the time, understand Morrisey and his whingeing 'so what difference does it ma-ee-uk'. Now I get it. Whatever I do is never enough. So, jump on the bandwagon. Blame me for everything shit in the world. Fookin hell - Vietnam, I'll take the rap even though I wasn't born. I should create an advertising campaign "Something shit happen? It's ok I'll take the blame!"
Just because some useless twat in Mayo-land didn't do what they said they would, my bank account looks like a starving child in Africa (without the flies of course). And you....fookin crap bus driver, you're going to hang alongside me. YOU MADE ME MISS THE PLANE and thus spend more money I don't have.
As for the agency message when I tried to call to find out where the fook my money was "sorry, our offices are closed until 2 January, Merry Christmas etc" - tough shit. Take an extended vacation because I am there on the 1st and trust me, there will be nothing of the office left but dust.
Firestarter Turbo.
The little book of calm burns quite well - especially with the added incentive of petrol !!
I feel this overwhelming desire to STAMP on something small, cute & furry.
Think positive.......ok. Alcohol is more effective if you have no food. Think about that agency boy. Might want to bear it in mind when I send the killer hamsters up your rectum.
I haven't felt this angry since I found out my ex-wife wasn't sleeping with someone else. For fooks sake woman....move on! Are you that chuffing ugly? Shite, perhaps I was drugged. Maybe I am as truly 'mad as a bicycle'.
I need to punch someone - ow, that hurt! Unfortunately in Goth World you can only damage yourself.
Where's that bottle of Jack Daniels? I need to dive to the bottom.
Ha........found it. Back to normality.
a luego,
S
I could never, at the time, understand Morrisey and his whingeing 'so what difference does it ma-ee-uk'. Now I get it. Whatever I do is never enough. So, jump on the bandwagon. Blame me for everything shit in the world. Fookin hell - Vietnam, I'll take the rap even though I wasn't born. I should create an advertising campaign "Something shit happen? It's ok I'll take the blame!"
Just because some useless twat in Mayo-land didn't do what they said they would, my bank account looks like a starving child in Africa (without the flies of course). And you....fookin crap bus driver, you're going to hang alongside me. YOU MADE ME MISS THE PLANE and thus spend more money I don't have.
As for the agency message when I tried to call to find out where the fook my money was "sorry, our offices are closed until 2 January, Merry Christmas etc" - tough shit. Take an extended vacation because I am there on the 1st and trust me, there will be nothing of the office left but dust.
Firestarter Turbo.
The little book of calm burns quite well - especially with the added incentive of petrol !!
I feel this overwhelming desire to STAMP on something small, cute & furry.
Think positive.......ok. Alcohol is more effective if you have no food. Think about that agency boy. Might want to bear it in mind when I send the killer hamsters up your rectum.
I haven't felt this angry since I found out my ex-wife wasn't sleeping with someone else. For fooks sake woman....move on! Are you that chuffing ugly? Shite, perhaps I was drugged. Maybe I am as truly 'mad as a bicycle'.
I need to punch someone - ow, that hurt! Unfortunately in Goth World you can only damage yourself.
Where's that bottle of Jack Daniels? I need to dive to the bottom.
Ha........found it. Back to normality.
a luego,
S
The Day After Tomorrow
Blooming crikey. I still feel pissed two days later. As I missed the 'window of opportunity' to speak to mini-goth and mini-gothess I went on what is affectionally known as a 'bender'. Sleep is for wimps - drink until you pass out or get arrested. Simple rules - drink what ever is in front of you and then go 'mine-sweeping' (pouring drinks into your glass from peeps who have been forced to visit the toilets, look after a dying pet, been stabbed in the head with a pencil etc).
It wasn't my fault I wasn't allowed to speak to the mini-goths. The dragon had other ideas. She was obviously extremely pissed off that the mini-goths liked my gifts more than hers. She wants me back - I don't want to go and thus we have a problem. In the meantime, mi mariposa was on the phone to our mutual friends in Paris. I got chastised for being arsey (yeah, yeah..I know) but they had got the wrong end of the stick. I was moody because I wanted to tell my beautiful children that I love them and wasn't able to.
Fooking hell.
Got loads of groovy new toys to play with. Thanks to mama, busy stroking hobbits in New Zealand with my not-so-little bro - the entire first series of 'Me llamo Earl' on DVD. Thanks to mi media naranja (with a little help from my vegetarian buddy from the yUK) I now have a funky MP3 player. Also the shirts that I had coveted in autumn.
More importantly, I got the chance to make a difference. Not homeless stories this time, una chica I used to work with - a beautiful woman and mini Voda (sic) that any normal guy would die for - her ex is a moron, this muppet can't see past his nose, it's so far up his arse. I swear I will stamp on his christmas chestnuts and derive great pleasure from the process.
And so, raise a glass to V and join me in mashing his bits into porridge.
Other than that, quite a normal Christmas in Goth World ;-)
a luego,
S
It wasn't my fault I wasn't allowed to speak to the mini-goths. The dragon had other ideas. She was obviously extremely pissed off that the mini-goths liked my gifts more than hers. She wants me back - I don't want to go and thus we have a problem. In the meantime, mi mariposa was on the phone to our mutual friends in Paris. I got chastised for being arsey (yeah, yeah..I know) but they had got the wrong end of the stick. I was moody because I wanted to tell my beautiful children that I love them and wasn't able to.
Fooking hell.
Got loads of groovy new toys to play with. Thanks to mama, busy stroking hobbits in New Zealand with my not-so-little bro - the entire first series of 'Me llamo Earl' on DVD. Thanks to mi media naranja (with a little help from my vegetarian buddy from the yUK) I now have a funky MP3 player. Also the shirts that I had coveted in autumn.
More importantly, I got the chance to make a difference. Not homeless stories this time, una chica I used to work with - a beautiful woman and mini Voda (sic) that any normal guy would die for - her ex is a moron, this muppet can't see past his nose, it's so far up his arse. I swear I will stamp on his christmas chestnuts and derive great pleasure from the process.
And so, raise a glass to V and join me in mashing his bits into porridge.
Other than that, quite a normal Christmas in Goth World ;-)
a luego,
S
martes, diciembre 26, 2006
Boxing Day
Oh Goth how I used to hate this day. A family gathering, tempered only by the lure of chocolates for us wee children. The men would booger off to watch the football (joys of having a grandmother in West Gorton, Madchester (UK)) and thus rather close to Maine Road and Old Trafford. The men chuffed off to watch football, the women were left to gossip, the kids with, "selection boxes" - a composite of chocolate sweets which we weren't allowed to eat until after lunch, complimented with a glass of Vimto. We weren't allowed beer before you were 6 in the UK.
Alternatively, staying in Wales, we could watch rabid dogs and idiots on horses chasing badgers, foxes or other furry creatures. So much for the Hunt. Hunt - Rhymes with? (Think Sesame Street! begins with a C). Bunch of toffee-nosed geeks with no friends and even less personalities. Like they could even justify it ........ the bankers!!! Wouldn't mind if they caught the wretched creatures for a reason - tally fook off!
Today, I intend to get steadily but slowly pissed as a fart (sorry ladies, have tried really hard not to swear). I have earned this privelege - ok, maybe I haven't but the Wodka I've been drinking says I have!!!!!!
Bloody Mary!!!!!! ha ha - not swearing, just......rather tasty.
I suppose I could ask for a re-run of the Queen's speech. Naw, bollocks, the queen obsessing about her anus horriblus in a YMCA way. She should have joined the Village People before unleashing her freaks on us.
EEK - re-reading this, I sound rather angry.
Consequence of not being allowed to speak to the fruit of my loin yesterday - and yes, I am damn fucking angry. But....
My Name Is Goth (I'm just trying to be a better person)
a luego,
S
ps before you think I have completely lost the plot, mi Mariposa is soundly asleep after having been fed, wined and cuddled. I'm content and loved. Hooray.
besos a todos XXXXX
Alternatively, staying in Wales, we could watch rabid dogs and idiots on horses chasing badgers, foxes or other furry creatures. So much for the Hunt. Hunt - Rhymes with? (Think Sesame Street! begins with a C). Bunch of toffee-nosed geeks with no friends and even less personalities. Like they could even justify it ........ the bankers!!! Wouldn't mind if they caught the wretched creatures for a reason - tally fook off!
Today, I intend to get steadily but slowly pissed as a fart (sorry ladies, have tried really hard not to swear). I have earned this privelege - ok, maybe I haven't but the Wodka I've been drinking says I have!!!!!!
Bloody Mary!!!!!! ha ha - not swearing, just......rather tasty.
I suppose I could ask for a re-run of the Queen's speech. Naw, bollocks, the queen obsessing about her anus horriblus in a YMCA way. She should have joined the Village People before unleashing her freaks on us.
EEK - re-reading this, I sound rather angry.
Consequence of not being allowed to speak to the fruit of my loin yesterday - and yes, I am damn fucking angry. But....
My Name Is Goth (I'm just trying to be a better person)
a luego,
S
ps before you think I have completely lost the plot, mi Mariposa is soundly asleep after having been fed, wined and cuddled. I'm content and loved. Hooray.
besos a todos XXXXX
lunes, diciembre 25, 2006
Christmas Greetings
*bursts into song* -> "Oh the weather outside is frightful...." no it's not!! But, that's why I chose to come back to Spain for Christmas. I think I may have seen a cloud yesterday but today, perfectly azure blue sky.
By now, mini-gothess should be 'Happy Feeting' the chuffers on her GBA, mini goth pretending to be Ronaldinho on Fifa 2007 on PS2 and ex-Gothess content with the promise that I will cover all tuition fees for 2007. In the meantime Mariposa and I will cuddle up with a glass of wine each and watch some suitable tear-jerker like Aeon Flux.
I think this year, I am the most organised I have ever been. Presents were wrapped and sent in time. Nothing has been overlooked. In fact, I think I will have a very un-Goth day and be resolutely happy.
At this point I wish you all a beautiful Christmas and thankyou for reading my inane drivel. If I have made you smile even just once then it has been worthwhile. If not, well why are you reading this - you muppet!!
Jesus!! - happy birthday dude ;-)
A special thanks to Mother Goth - busy cuddling hobbits in New Zealand. Extra big love in your direction for always being there (not in NZ obviously) and continuing to worry about the weird behaviour of your offspring. May love and prosperity adorn you - and a plague of locusts descend on your ex-partner who unceremoniously left you behind. May he die a horrible death in a gutter somewhere (after being butt-fooked by an armadillo).
Feliz Navidad a todos y, para mi ninos -> TE QUIERO XXXXXXXXX
S
ps Hermano -> go with the NWA theory.......Fook the Police!
pps Mi Mariposa -> siempre te llevare en mi corazon :-*
By now, mini-gothess should be 'Happy Feeting' the chuffers on her GBA, mini goth pretending to be Ronaldinho on Fifa 2007 on PS2 and ex-Gothess content with the promise that I will cover all tuition fees for 2007. In the meantime Mariposa and I will cuddle up with a glass of wine each and watch some suitable tear-jerker like Aeon Flux.
I think this year, I am the most organised I have ever been. Presents were wrapped and sent in time. Nothing has been overlooked. In fact, I think I will have a very un-Goth day and be resolutely happy.
At this point I wish you all a beautiful Christmas and thankyou for reading my inane drivel. If I have made you smile even just once then it has been worthwhile. If not, well why are you reading this - you muppet!!
Jesus!! - happy birthday dude ;-)
A special thanks to Mother Goth - busy cuddling hobbits in New Zealand. Extra big love in your direction for always being there (not in NZ obviously) and continuing to worry about the weird behaviour of your offspring. May love and prosperity adorn you - and a plague of locusts descend on your ex-partner who unceremoniously left you behind. May he die a horrible death in a gutter somewhere (after being butt-fooked by an armadillo).
Feliz Navidad a todos y, para mi ninos -> TE QUIERO XXXXXXXXX
S
ps Hermano -> go with the NWA theory.......Fook the Police!
pps Mi Mariposa -> siempre te llevare en mi corazon :-*
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