domingo, septiembre 28, 2008

The Seventh Day

If you believe in God you might want to stop reading about now - you have been warned.

For those of you still reading - I was polite enough to offer the tossers a choice which is fair, I think.


God created the world in seven days apparently - well, six if you bear in mind that God fucked off on holiday for one, leaving Amateur God to create things without divine guidance.

Being omnipotent has it's drawbacks as you can't actually go on holiday as you are already there - by definition. Therefore God had to go into 'standby' mode leaving the less than competent apprentice to create other things which God hadn't cleared from the list.

Predictibly enough one supposes, Amateur God, fucked things up beyond belief and thus the Seventh Day creations remain.

On Gods return from 'standy-mode' on the eighth day, God looked at what at been invented, put her fingers against her temples and took a very deep breath.

'Jesus Fucking Christ' she opined, unfortunately creating religion as a by-product.

When God truly surveyed the damage on the previously perfect creation, God wept.

However, God was tired of 'multi-tasking' all the time and so could not devote enough God-energy to fixing what had been created, and thought - 'Oh bollocks - let the monkeys run with that planet'.

Amateur God, already banished from the kitchen of life, decided to add a little impetus into the situation and so gave Man a semblance of intelligence. Not a particularly wise idea in retrospect, but Amateur God figured that as God wasn't looking, it wouldn't really count.

Thus, Man came forth and ate the monkeys.

13 comentarios:

anonydangermouse (or something like that) dijo...

As you know, I drop by from time to time and I must say

"For those of you still reading - I was polite enough to offer the tossers a choice which is fair, I think."

was my favourite moment so far! :O)

SpanishGoth dijo...

I appreciate your comment - especially as you actually read what was written

*raises a glass of JD*

Anónimo dijo...

Pour ne pas utiliser le langage des grenouilles !

The third day, God created the vegetation ; Brambles ( ouille! aïe! It is good but that pricks ) , stinging nettles , couch grass ( Less known as quack's herb ) And pink(roses) with thorns !

The fifth day, God created animals ; The snake hey yes ! The scorpions ( Group of hard rock ),hornets, spiders ( 30 000 espèces !) , the devastating locusts !

The sixth day, God created the man in his image ? And the Woman of a coast of the man, So that he does not miss any more ( And Jack Daniel's) ,there nothing to blame him !

Oddity: if God created the Man in his image, just like whom he created the woman ?

At which time the Creator has you it reveals the microbes and other germs ? At the same time as vegetables the third day ?!

Thus the seventh day, he does not rest ! He looks " Mess brothel that what is what I did ?!? " the mess that he engendered !

For lack of gum (eraser) , he creates natural disasters , It is the perversion créér the life and to annihilate him later ..." le déluge "

"And finally the Man created God "

john.g. dijo...

YEAH, Goth!

Honey dijo...


Sewmouse dijo...

I cannot agree with Crabtree more - Man created God in his own image - then turned around and worshiped it.

Most of the guys I've dated have been similarly enraptured with themselves.

Anónimo dijo...

Sewmouse ,

God is an entity (without face), and the most insignificant breath of existence in the depthes of the vacuum is one also. But, although there is between them hierarchy and variety of function, however, in the principles which shows their updating, all are for the same level.
These current entities are drops (gouts) of experience, complex and interdependent .

This definition goes to you ?

Leni Qinan dijo...

God who?

I'm afraid She's not an entity, but a woman!

Unfortunately Amateur God did too much overtime.


SpanishGoth dijo...

Dip-Dop -> I was following the usual Dippy logic (Scorpions - hard rock my arse) and then you threw Nietzsche into the mix - nice *applauds Gothic appreciation*

JG -> Aye, back to the old familiars

Honey -> haven't heard you laugh in a while :)

Sewmouse -> well Goth worships women so there

Ms Kravitz -> indeed AG did too much overtime - he invented American Bankers...

....You Sick Bastard dijo...

And the monkeys fucked their cousins and spawned George "Oops I Fucking Destroyed The World Again 8Years In A Row" Bush

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

This is not offensive. The new you is lovely and kind and mellow and zen and all those things. I had not noticed before how devastatingly attractive you are, Mr Goth (and other wily feminine ways of stroking his fur in the right direction). Stay as sweet as you are now.

Anónimo dijo...

Faire luire sa folie pour tourner en dérision sa sagesse !?

Le Génie des romantiques devint le « Surhomme » de Gœthe.
« Quelle pitoyable frayeur, dit Méphistophélès à Faust, s'empare du Surhomme que tu es ? »
Nietzsche ne connaît pas la frayeur ; il emprunte à Gœthe et le nom et la chose...

JolietJake dijo...

who's eating monkeys? not Homer Simpsons dad again?
Did you know god lived on the north pole? a day is six months long there, that's how he pulled it off. It was six years work and then he took a sabbatical. Or was that santa claus? one of those bearded porkers...anyway they're both in ZZ Top now so it's academical, like that scottish football team.