If you believe in God you might want to stop reading about now - you have been warned.
For those of you still reading - I was polite enough to offer the tossers a choice which is fair, I think.
THE SEVENTH DAY
God created the world in seven days apparently - well, six if you bear in mind that God fucked off on holiday for one, leaving Amateur God to create things without divine guidance.
Being omnipotent has it's drawbacks as you can't actually go on holiday as you are already there - by definition. Therefore God had to go into 'standby' mode leaving the less than competent apprentice to create other things which God hadn't cleared from the list.
Predictibly enough one supposes, Amateur God, fucked things up beyond belief and thus the Seventh Day creations remain.
On Gods return from 'standy-mode' on the eighth day, God looked at what at been invented, put her fingers against her temples and took a very deep breath.
'Jesus Fucking Christ' she opined, unfortunately creating religion as a by-product.
When God truly surveyed the damage on the previously perfect creation, God wept.
However, God was tired of 'multi-tasking' all the time and so could not devote enough God-energy to fixing what had been created, and thought - 'Oh bollocks - let the monkeys run with that planet'.
Amateur God, already banished from the kitchen of life, decided to add a little impetus into the situation and so gave Man a semblance of intelligence. Not a particularly wise idea in retrospect, but Amateur God figured that as God wasn't looking, it wouldn't really count.
Thus, Man came forth and ate the monkeys.