jueves, julio 10, 2008

Vacation Time

Yes, it's that time of the year when 'normal people' go on vacation. At times like this, I am so glad I'm a Goth and not a 'normal person'. Granted the weather here is pretty shit at the moment, but it keeps the idiots off the streets.

I've never really felt the need to go on a NP (normal person) holiday. What the muppets don't seem to understand is that changing the location does not change the person. Wherever, you go on holiday, you always have to take yourself.

So, millions of moronic idiots will take over the airports attempting to prove that their little tribe of bastards can be noisier than those next to them. Suitcases that have been packed to explosive capacity with pointless shit, will squash small children at the airports. Grumpy fathers in day-glo shorts will drink themselves silly whilst their partners will attempt to save money by spending more of it on useless shite from the duty-free shop.

Meanwhile, the people who travel on a regular basis will at last realise what business lounges were invented for. Granted the free drinks and food are nice, but the ability to distance yourself from Mr and Mrs Tattoo and their lard-arse sprogs is pure heaven.

All this, and I have only described the airport so far - tomorrow, will be the flight from hell.

I would apologise to the family from hell, but their reading capabilities are as limited as their capacity to speak any language - even the only one they are supposed to know.

So what are your airport nightmares in this, the silliest of travel season???

13 comentarios:

Leni Qinan dijo...

Gatwick airport. Month of July. Busy departure lounge: On my way back to Madrid from a seminar in London. A Spanish granny who needed special assistance and couldn’t speak English, accompanied by an English airport assistance employee who couldn't speak Spanish. Guess who kindly offered to help. :))
As soon as they realised they could communicate with each other, the Spanish granny started talking to me non-stop and so did the English employee. 2 hours later the granny stopped talking to have a short siesta and the employee started telling me the full details about his life. The PA system announced a 5-hour flight delay. I wanted to die.

This is how I found out why interpreters are so well paid and why most Spaniards prefer Heathrow to Gatwick.

SpanishGoth dijo...

LOL - when the 'no smoking' bollocks was introduced in Europe, I was flying from San Javier, via Madrid to Bruselas. Obviously, we arrived in Barajas and the ban was in place. so we tried to find the 'smoking area' but we couldn't. A nice pilot offered us a light and the best places to smoke in Barajas undetected.

Not certain that under the wing of the plane whilst it was refuelling was the best place - pero, una presentación cojones del fuego

Leni Qinan dijo...

Yeah, that would have been real 'cojones de fuego' and a spectacular appearance, but very ill-advised. Your beautiful long Goth hair and hat would have been scorched on the spot! LOL.

Barajas is horrible since they set up unreasonable security measures after 9-11. Take a flight to the US and you risk to be escorted by some Terminator-like security dude to a small room, asked a thousand silly questions, have your luggage burst open, told to take everything out and put it back in place when they can confirm there’s no bomb in your suitcase. It took him almost one hour to do that. As large as life. From Madrid to Dallas on summer holidays, 4 years ago.

SpanishGoth dijo...

HA - you should try Munich airport. I got stopped so often we were on first name terms. I got busted after the US of, invaded Iraq. Apparently, the zip on my pants set the metal detector off - but, I'm clever not stupid. They had sub-machine guns, I had a bottle of water.....

Leni Qinan dijo...

Wow Goth, that sounds like real scary and nightmarish! Did you have to take your pants off to board on the flight? :)

I only got stopped and frisked once. It was right after an English kid cop asked me to open my suitcase, rummaged through my things –he seemed especially interested in my undies-. He then asked me to open my purse and box of liquorice drops, which was in the inner pocket. ‘It’s not cocaine. Look, they’re black. Have some’-I said-. But he didn't like my joke.

And guess where it happened… Yeah, Gattwick!

Mr Farty dijo...

On our way from Embra to Port Elizabeth, SA via Paris CDG. The Paris flight is due to take off at 23:00. We're sitting there waiting at the gate...and waiting...and waiting. At 23:15 the Frog staff tell the Frog passengers something, in Froggese. At 23:30 they deign to update the departure board to say the flight's been cancelled. No reason.

So we have to stay in Paris overnight, but that means leaving the airport, so the sole Merkan passenger has to be issued with a special visa, which takes about an hour, before any of us can leave for the hotel. Next to the sewage works. Then get up at 5am for the next flight.

Of course we miss our connection in Jo'burg and have to stay there overnight too, but at least they speak English.

Don't fly Air France.

john.g. dijo...

I don't fly, with all the metal in my neck I keep setting the fucking alarms off!

PI dijo...

A huge delay in a South of France airport and the loos were disgusting and void of loo paper.
I went to see the manager and did a
Raine Spencer Number (she was Diana's stepmother and once kicked up a rumpus at Heathrow) and there was actually some action. Result!
My son was with me at the time but pretended he wasn't.

Scouse Doris dijo...

My friend was detained at Manchester airport - nearly missing his flight because they found a knife in his rucksack.

He was gobsmacked as he is really not the knife carrying type. After much questioning etc. they finally let him go catch his flight after showing him the offending article - an ordinary blunt knife from a table cutlery set. He still has no idea how it got there but I have seen the rest of the set and you would have better luck with a pencil (not restricted) if you wanted to actually stab someone.

Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

You ain't seen nothin' until you've travelled in West Africa. On a flight from Dakar to Lagos with scheduled stops in Abidjan and Accra, we unexpectedly ended up in ... Ouagadougou (Burkina Faso) to drop off one (big ogga) passenger who requested a detour. I was thrilled to say I was once in Ouagadougou for 10 minutes.

Brom dijo...

I blogged last year about the time I tried to go through security at Brussels with a chuffing cheese knife in my hand luggage. It wasn't my fault, I was hung over as a result of spending the previous night drinking with some Brit bloggers who are based in Belgium. I wonder who one of them could have been - eh Goth Boyo!?

SpanishGoth dijo...

Leni -> No I didn't have to take my pants off - but, if you ask nicely....

Mr Farty -> I've flown with Air France and they're shit - just say 'fromage'

JG -> but several helium filled balloons might work

Pat -> I believe that might be Nice, where the toilets aren't nice

Doris -> I often have a desire to stab people with pencils. Companies seem to think it weird when my first question is 'where is your stationery cupboard?'

Matron -> Only you or Aunty M could visit Ooompalumpaville

Brom -> Not my fault you were caught in possession of cutlery. If you can't drink with the big boyo's, do what any priest does ;-)

Leni Qinan dijo...

I knew you wouldn't resist the temptation to rush and read this. LOL.

‘If you ask nicely’.
Bwahaha. Tell me, Goth, in all honesty: is it worth the effort?