miércoles, julio 02, 2008

Educating Reet Duh

Firstly, let me point out that 'reet' is a very Northern UK way of prouncing the word right - as in the phrase 'Yee a reet love?'. I'm not terribly au fait with particular northern dialects although I do understand most of them.

Anyway, as I am stuck in my little crystal cage at the moment, I have to find some entertainment via the windows of the apartment. Tomorrow, this will change as Lena's recommendation, Carnivale has arrived.

Today though, I was tempted to educate the stupid 'women' I observed via the window.

Thus, my suggestions for 'the brain the size of a peanut gang':-
  • Point 1 - trying to run away from the police when you are fat is not a clever idea. When was the last time you saw a sofa with legs win an Olympic medal?
  • Point 2 - attempting to throw drugs into a hedge doesn't work if you leave them in the packet, moron
  • Point 3 - concealing an eight inch screwdriver in your bra does not really transmit a feeling of an innocent bystander looking for a furniture shop
  • Point 4 - whilst you may be able to dismantle a wardrobe with your screwdriver, you could have just sat on the bastard thing
  • Point 4a - the police have guns which are far more effective at stopping idiotic elephants
Unsurprisingly, 'lard-arse' and her equally inept accomplice were arrested and, once the police were able to find a big enough vehicle, carted off to jail (probably a very big one).

Looking on the bright side, at least I had some entertainment.

Incidentally, before any pompous twat starts criticising, I have nothing against fat people. I just don't like fucking idiots - whatever their size.....

12 comentarios:

Mr Farty dijo...

It's amazing what you think you can get away with when you're off your head on drugs, innit? And dead funny to watch (from a safe distance).

JolietJake dijo...

people like you should be shot, with steroids (and harpoons!). Fat people have feelings!!

Leni Qinan dijo...

Goth, you never cease to amaze me!

“I was tempted to educate the stupid 'women' I observed via the window.” Oh my. Dunno what the feminists will think about this.

To be politically incorrect could be far more dangerous than to break a crystal door with your arm (yet you politely explained about “fat” but not about “fucking idiots”). You already have a commenter complaining -see above-

Are you sure they were not shooting a film in your street?

Oh, btw: It’s Leni, not Lena. But I know you did it on purpose. Ok, have your fun. I won’t say anything ‘cos I know you’re not feeling well lately.
But no, you can’t call me Len. :)

(*oops now it’s me the one who fell from her chair*)

Enjoy the DeeVee Duhs. I’m sure you won’t be looking out the window for some days.

Take it easy, amigo. And keep on writing -even if it’s with your feet- you made me smile!

SpanishGoth dijo...

Mr Farty -> I don't think they were off their heads - just Gumping it. Drugs are not big and not clever but, sometimes a necessary evil

Jake -> People like me should be wearing new Spanish shirts in size medium - and I have never called you fat - you clumsy bastard. And yes I did get the Whales gag - my punjabi buddy

Dear Mrs Kravitz -> I always wanted a woman to say "you never cease to amaze me!" - was just hoping it might be in bed.

As for JolietJake complaining - he's just pissed he bet with me on Germany against Spain - oh and now, that he has to wear a dress to my wedding.

Re: pissing people off, like I should give a shit about feminists, the church, Dog or anything. Look in the archives

( . )( . ) dijo...

Fat people dont have feelings... hahaha I am TOTALLY joking right now... I used to be a fat people so I cannot pass judgement here!!

Also running, with massive bewbies, not good idea. But as one bounces up and the other bounces in another direction, that can throw the cops off into different directions, and sometimes work in your favour.

Therefore, no running fatties unless u have big titties.

Hehehe, waits for the scorn and rocks.

And PS - Yay for partying again!!


Daphne Wayne-Bough dijo...

Am I the only one who caught that passing reference to GOTH'S WEDDING ????????? I think we should be told!
Surely JJ would be dressed as a Punjabi prince, on white horse with jewel in turban etc.? And possibly wearing a frock as well.

As for activities outside your window, well if you will live in a scuzzy district like that, what do you expect?

SpanishGoth dijo...

(.)(.) -> I know fat people have feelings - they're just very well covered. As for massive bazookas - I went through a phase of liking them but I had to agree with gravity in the end.

Lady Daphne -> you knew full well about the nuptial arrangements and you and your pineapple are invited... (you can even bring Mc Hobbit)

As for 'scuzzy district' - it is not - we have had the less desirables moved to other areas :-)

Leni Qinan dijo...

“I always wanted a woman to say "you never cease to amaze me!" - was just hoping it might be in bed”.

–Goth has spoken-*Mrs Kravitz gasps*

Ok. I understand this, Goth. As you prolly know, it needs hard training and special skills to hear that in bed from a woman. There is no such thing as a free meal! Same goes the other way round, tho.

Oh and you’re getting married? Congrats! –I insist, you never cease to amaze me!-

Of course I knew you wouldn’t give a shit about feminists, church, powers that be, and other lobbies. I confirmed that after having a look at your archive.

And last, but not least: thanks for the Northern UKernese class. I’ll never stop learning.

SpanishGoth dijo...

Mrs Kravitz -> being a virgin, of course I wouldn't know....

Mrs Pouncer dijo...

Dear Mr Gothico, Greetings from the Thames Valley! Forgive me, but the British press would have us believe that there are no fat Spaniards. Were these people immigrants? We are also told that there are no fat Italians, French or Armenians. Furthermore, Armenian women are now described as the "most beautiful in the world". Cordially yours etc

SpanishGoth dijo...

Mrs Pouncer -> there are fat people everywhere - usually we call them tourists.

I'm not sure about Armenian women being the most beautiful but they do make jolly good cleaners ;-)

john.g. dijo...

All reet ya fat twat?